Canada Kicks Ass - 10 Provinces, 3 Territories, and 1 State

This article was by Herr Bryce from his blog at: http://fuhrer-bunker.blogspot.com/

As you all know Canada has 10 provinces (BC, AB, SK, MB, ON, PQ, NB, NS, PE, NF), and 3 territories (YT, NT, NV); what many people don't realize is that (at least for a short while) we have a City-State as well: Canada's newest state (yes, we've had others before, think 1812.) would be called "New Orleans". Technically it's true. When you replace your flag with another countries at your capital building you are officially changing allegiances. When the people of New Orleans replaced the Yankey flag with a Canadian one the city became Canadian territory. Now why would patriotic Yanks decide to do such a thing? Read on to discover why they would (and at the same time why we don't want them).

First off, the city issued an evacuation notice two days before the storm hit; secondly, a state of emergency was declared for 3 of the affected states one day before it hit so that, in George W's own words: "..we can respond sooner and have aid there as fast as possible." So far so good. George figures he's done his part and decides to go talk with Arnie in California. Meanwhile in New Orleans the roads leading out of the city are clogged with traffic. Some people are out of gas but most aren't. So the mayor decides to open up all the lanes in small stretches of a few highways for people getting out. Things all of a sudden aren't looking quite as nice, but it's not beyond hope yet. People could decide that living is more important than saving a few worldly possesions and could carpool. Or the city could open every lane except one on every road for people to get out, and the city could use every bus at it's disposal to bus people out. Things are looking like they'll be ok when the city announces it will start running busses to get people out. Unfortunately they mean a few school busses and nothing more. No city busses, no charter busses, no trains, no planes; you still have to pay to use those. And it gets worse. The city, still focused on it's finances, notices how much Yanks love suing people and think they'll get sued by people who don't leave the city. So instead of having law enforcement helping people get out or at least arrange for safe areas, they're going around getting people to sign a waiver saying they release the city of all responsibility. When the owner of the superdome saw that thousands of people were stuck in the city he opened up the doors of the massive structure as it was one of the few buildings they thought would survive. This was the only Yank to show a human level of thinking during the entire fiasco. So then the storm hits and there is a lot of damage, even to the superdome, but most people are still alive and well. The city officials tell everybody to stay where they are while damage is assesed, instead of trying to evacuate the remaining people. Things start looking like they're not too bad after all. Unfortunately the damage is being assesed by Yanks and not people with brains because nobody seems to notice the damage to their levy. The same ones that had been getting run down because people didn't want to spend the money to improve them, and which were left all alone to defend against the sea with the natural barriers destroyed by development. Soon a crack turns into a hole. Once the water starts pouring through there's no stopping it as a huge section of the levy crumbles away. Now that the city is flooded the logical thing to do would be to send in as much aid as possible. Too bad logic is something most Yanks don't have because the only people doing anything certainly aren't offering aid. While government officials ignore the disaster the gangs of New Orleans are looting all the gun shops and having a great time pretending to be Vikings: raping and pillaging at will. Understandably people aren't happy when the government can send police and National Guard units but not really anything in the way of food or water and start opening fire on authorities. Canada continues it's tradition of offering help (but not barging in and forcing it on people like the US version). Now the US government can only do so much stupidity, the rest has to be done by the US citizens. You have people trapped at a conference center complaining about no food or water. Now the last time I checked (about 30 seconds ago) conference centers have huge kitchens. Kitchens generally should have some unspoiled food left, and should definitely have pots and pans and other cooking utensils. People can go a long time without food but water is a necessity, yet nobody seems to have been a boy scout. You are surrounded by water, it is very plentiful. Get a fire started and use some of those pots to distill the water. Don't sit there like babies waiting for others to do everything for you. Even more pathetic was people "trapped" on a highway. They complain that they have had no food or water for almost a week, but worst of all they complain about not having any place to go to the bathroom. They say you can't imagine anything worse. I don't have to though. I just remember back to the tsunami in Asia. But with these people apparently while they remembered to bring mattreses and other furniture nobody brought food or any kind of pots or other survival equipment, and they all must be parapalegics because they can't walk down the highway to the next city. They decide they're all going to claw at each other and try to get a ride on one of the few busses sent for them when they eventually arrive. If this highway is strong enough to support a bus I think it's strong enough for people to walk on. Finally the US has started very minor evacuation efforts but they still havn't got any aid to people. At long last they ask Canada to help and within 24 hours we have people in New Orleans giving out food , water, and first aid; and we still have more teams arriving within a week. Still no Yanks giving aid, not even the Red Cross. Now you can see why the people of New Orleans decided to switch allegiance to Canada. Then I'm listening to the radio (Team 1040am) and they interview a member of the New Orleans NFL team. He goes on about how most of the players homes weren't damaged but how it seems like all the people who couldn't afford it lost everything while the rich lost basically nothing. He says it's too bad. Nothing more; no he feels sorry for them or any offer to help them out, just a "too bad". That's why we don't want New Orleans as a part of Canada.

Now they figure it will be months before anyone can live there again and years before it can function as a city. Why bother? Due to the levies blocking silt deposits from the Mississippi River the delta the city is built on is sinking at a record breaking pace and the marshes and wetlands that protect the city from hurricanes are dissapearing. It would be over 50 years before they could correct all the problems there. I have a suggestion for them, and it would even allow them to make money with it as soon as they make sure all power to the city is cut off and sewage is properly disposed of: Dynamite whatever's left of the levies (they could even test out a couple nukes if they wanted for all I care) and flood the entire city as completely as possible. Turn it into a national park and charge people to go scuba diving there. Have glass-bottom-boat tours, maybe try a sort of Atlantis type theme. The problems of the city would be gone for good, there would be no expensive repair and rebuilding, and if we're all lucky the city could be holding an all candidates presidential debate in the city as the water pours in.