1andonly's blog

Picky Eaters

Children's food preferences veer all over the menu: Today they want third helpings of spinach, tomorrow they never eat anything green. Trying as it can be to keep up with the whims of an easy-going child, the picky eater presents a challenge of a different order. Some picky eaters are difficult feeders from the beginning. For them, picky eating and faddishness are part of a progression from fussiness and colic to extreme resistance to new foods. Some children are picky because they are unusually sensitive to certain tastes and textures, while others use food as a tool to manipulate their parents and gain attention.

Appetite and hunger are two different things. Hunger is the body's signal that it needs fuel. By contrast, appetite is a learned behavior involving pleasure and other emotions associated with eating. Hunger is present from birth; appetite develops over time. Children learn positive and negative attitudes to eating from observing what goes on around them. For example, a child who takes part in relaxed family meals from his early months is more likely to look forward to eating than one who's never allowed to leave the table until he has finished everything on his plate.

When parents use food as a bribe or reward ("You'll get double dessert if you clean your plate!"), children quickly learn that they can use food in a similar way, and may try to manipulate their parents by eating or refusing meals. Parents worried by their daughter's refusal to eat may be surprised to learn that the child is only following her mother's example of nonstop dieting.

There are children who seem to eat next to nothing. They have little appetite or may not enjoy eating. To their parent's amazement, these children keep on growing, which shows that they're getting enough to eat. Some of these children feel uncomfortable if they try to conform to the usual daily pattern of three relatively large meals. They are happier nibbling on several small meals over the course of the day.

Coaxing a nibbler to eat larger, less frequent meals isn't helpful. In fact, studies shows that children consume less when parents try to persuade them to eat. Some nibblers are also put off when parents praise them for eating. To these children, attention to eating makes them feel as if they're being forced to eat. On the other hand, it isn't a good idea to leave food out for unrestricted snacking. It leads to bad habits of constant picking and the food may spoil.

Let your nibbler eat as much as he wants at the three meals and additional snacks you serve each day. He may eat less at mealtimes and more at snack times than other members of the family. At least you'll be sure that he's getting the amount and variety he needs while the family meal schedule is maintained.

Many problems related to picky eating gradually disappear after a child begins eating regularly away from parental supervision. For example, children in group childcare tend to copy the way their friends eat. A picky older child may eat school lunches without a fuss, although he continues his picky behavior at meals he shares with his parents. Finally, many faddish eaters get more pleasure from attention-seeking than they do from feeding. Therefore, while it's acceptable to compliment satisfactory behavior at the end the meal, food refusals and demands for attention should be ignored or managed by promptly terminating the meal. If you've come to expect pickiness as part of your family's mealtime routine, it may be advisable to seek outside help, starting with your pediatrician.

Some children fail to develop pleasure in eating because medical problems or treatment interfere with the normal feeding process. For example, a child who had to be fed by tube for a long period because she was premature or sick as a newborn may dislike the sensation of food in her mouth. Children with persistent nasal congestion, a frequent complication of tube feeding or allergies, have a reduced sense of taste and smell and, therefore, take little pleasure in eating. Nowadays, children who require special feeding techniques, such as tubes, are given appropriate oral stimulation - so-called sham feeding - to help them adapt to feeding by mouth. If you child has feeding difficulties related to medical problems or treatment, your pediatrician will advise you about where to find appropriate resources for help and support.

In studying how children responded to efforts to get them to eat, researchers have agreed on a few universal truths:


It is the parent's responsibility to provide the food, and it the child's decision to eat it.

Bribes and coercion are counterproductive. They make children resistant to foods they feel neutral about, and make them actively dislike foods to which they're indifferent. The child may well reason: "If they have to bribe me to eat this stuff, it must be bad."

Mealtimes are for eating and socializing, not for playing games. Make meals a time for enjoyable family interaction in which children want to take part.

Meals should be kept to a reasonable time-limit in keeping with the child's attention span.