1andonly's blog

Few things are more upsetting than children who do not get along. No matter how hard you try to keep the peace, your children are likely to fight over toys, pick on or tattle on one another, and tease and criticize each other. You may wonder, "What have I done wrong?" The answer is probably nothing. Sibling rivalry is a natural part of growing up.

Sibling rivalry between children who are under 4 years of age tends to be at its worst when they are less than 3 years apart. This is largely because preschool children still depend on their parents a great deal and have not made friends or gotten close to other adults yet. Children who are 2 and 3 years old are also very self-centered and have a very hard time sharing their parents with siblings.

Competition between brothers and sisters can heat up as children grow older. It is often at its worst when children are between 8 and 12 years old. Siblings close in age or those who have the same interests tend to compete more.

Sometimes, especially when children are several years apart, the older one accepts and protects the younger sibling. Once the younger one grows and develops more skills and talents, however, the older child may feel "shown up" by the younger one. The older child may feel threatened or embarrassed. He may then begin to compete with the younger child, or become more aggressive toward him. The younger child, too, may become jealous about the privileges his big brother or sister gets as he or she gets older. Though you may think you know, it is often hard to tell which child is causing the problem.

It is important not to get too upset when your children are jealous of each other, especially if the older child is a preschooler. It takes time for a youngster to learn that his parents do not love him any less because they have another child to love.

Here are some tips on managing conflict between your children:



If your older child starts imitating the baby, do not make...

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Picky Eaters

Children's food preferences veer all over the menu: Today they want third helpings of spinach, tomorrow they never eat anything green. Trying as it can be to keep up with the whims of an easy-going child, the picky eater presents a challenge of a different order. Some picky eaters are difficult feeders from the beginning. For them, picky eating and faddishness are part of a progression from fussiness and colic to extreme resistance to new foods. Some children are picky because they are unusually sensitive to certain tastes and textures, while others use food as a tool to manipulate their parents and gain attention.

Appetite and hunger are two different things. Hunger is the body's signal that it needs fuel. By contrast, appetite is a learned behavior involving pleasure and other emotions associated with eating. Hunger is present from birth; appetite develops over time. Children learn positive and negative attitudes to eating from observing what goes on around them. For example, a child who takes part in relaxed family meals from his early months is more likely to look forward to eating than one who's never allowed to leave the table until he has finished everything on his plate.

When parents use food as a bribe or reward ("You'll get double dessert if you clean your plate!"), children quickly learn that they can use food in a similar way, and may try to manipulate their parents by eating or refusing meals. Parents worried by their daughter's refusal to eat may be surprised to learn that the child is only following her mother's example of nonstop dieting.

There are children who seem to eat next to nothing. They have little appetite or may not enjoy eating. To their parent's amazement, these children keep on growing, which shows that they're getting enough to eat. Some of these children feel uncomfortable if they try to conform to the usual daily pattern of three relatively large meals. They are happier nibbling on several small meals...

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Role Models

As a parent, you have many vital gifts to offer your child. Some are subtle, but all are very powerful. Giving them will make you a good parent. Receiving them will help your child become a healthy, happy, capable individual.

Unconditional Love
Love lies at the core of your relationship with your child. It needs to flow freely in both directions. Just as she loves you without question, you must give her your love and acceptance absolutely. Your love shouldn't depend on the way she looks or behaves. It shouldn't be used as a reward or withheld as a threat. Your love for your child is constant and indisputable, and it's up to you to convey that, especially when she misbehaves and needs to have limits set or behavior corrected. Love must be held separate and above any fleeting feelings of anger or frustration over her conduct. Never confuse the actions with the child, and never let her think that you do. The more secure she feels in your love, the more self-assurance she will have as she grows up.

Self-Esteem
One of your most important gifts as a parent is to help your child develop self-esteem. It's not an easy or quick process. Self-respect, confidence, and belief in oneself, which are the building blocks of self-esteem, take years to become firmly established. Your child needs your steady support and encouragement to discover his strengths. He needs you to believe in him as he learns to believe in himself. Loving him, spending time with him, listening to him and praising his accomplishments are all part of this process. If he is confident of your love, admiration, and respect, it will be easier for him to develop the solid self-esteem he needs to grow up happy and emotionally healthy.

Values and Traditions
Regardless of whether you actively try to pass on your values and beliefs to your child, she is bound to absorb some of them just by living with you. She'll notice how disciplined you are in your work, how deeply you hold your beliefs...

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