Hello Darkness! The Official Blog of Helen Keller

Dear Will Farrell,

We here at the Comment Corner write to you this open letter, urging you not to go down the pathway forged by one of your earlier compatriots from Saturday Night Live.



Yes, the pathway forged by Adam Sandler until he wound up playing absolute shit-roles like the goofy self-imposed autistic former husband in the breakaway smash-hit total bomb Reign Over Me, the loser dumb-ass husband in the sleeper-hit blockbuster nobody-saw-it Spanglish or the loser dumb-ass husband in the only must-see feel-good can't-believe-it-was-green-lighted-bet-that-exec-got-fired mess known as Click, now playing on airlines everywhere.

But it wasn't always that way with Adam, was it Will? No, Adam too started off as an SNL phenom. When Opera-Man sang Even Flow on Weekend Update, we all shared a collective hilarity induced dump in our pants. Cajun-Man gave us all a chuckle and Audience McGee blasting away during monologues too was funny. Adam also gave us the old man with Chris Farley as his wife discussing which restaurant to visit. Funny? Does a burst aneurism sound funny to you I laughed so hard? I knew that it would.

After making Airheads during the SNL run, Adam broke away to make feature films, as so many of your colleagues do.

He started off strong out of the gate. Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore were both smash comedies with mucho time spent spinning in VCRs (remember those Will?) to drunken university crowds moments before they paired off to go have really bad sex, but with a lot of different people. Bob Barker punching the hell out of Happy, well, senior violence was very edgy back in '95. I'm glad he went there.

Then Adam gave us the Waterboy. A goofy character. It was entertaining, but a little lacking. Thankfully, Adam straightened that shit right out with a hilarious goddamn movie in Big Daddy. Jon Stewart? Toronto in the World Series? Icing on that rich, yummy cake of movie goodness.

Then the fucknose went and made Little Nicky. It was at this very moment that was the roller-coaster rise became the horrific speedy drop to a string of absolute crapola. Punch-Drunk Love. 8 Crazy Nights. 50 First Dates. Mr. Deeds. Small upward bounce in Anger Management, but too little to late. That all lead into the schlock you see at the start of this letter.

So, right now, I ask you, nay, I beg of you Will Farrell...not you too!

I loved you on SNL. Your Harry Caray caused me to laugh so hard people around me shit their pants. Who didn't watch that and follow people around going, "HEY!"? Laughless women, that's who. Robert Goulet doing the Thong Song. Mr. Tarkanian fighting his office staff. The unaired Gus Chiggins, C-H-I-G-G-I-N-S....CHIGGINS as military prospector, more brilliant than a cure for death. The Cheerleaders could have easily died though...

You too flew out of the movie gate after making Night at the Roxbury which consisted of Chris Kattan breaking his head on a window and you in a thong. You paid your dues with small roles in hilarious movies. Mustafa, Sky Corrigan, Lance DeLune, Marshall Willandholly. Then, THE role: Frank the Tank.

Suddenly, Will Farrell was carrying a movie (yeah, Vince Vaughan was there and was funny, but fuck him Will, this letter is to you) and it felt good, didn't it?

Then, Elf. Nice job. Then, Anchorman. Holy shit, that is what a comedy should be. Fucking funny the whole way through. No down parts, no sentimental crap, no redeeming features (unless you count learning to take women seriously, but I thought that had a backseat to the power of the jazzflute). Then, Kicking and Screaming. Okay, kind of a wobbler, one funny bit about being a caged cheetah. Then, Bewitched. Sort of like eating a shit-sandwich. You keeping hoping there's at least one peanut that will hold off the taste of shit for a couple chews, but there's no peanut. But then? Chazz in Wedding Crashers. Redemption for those two movies in an oversized cameo. Curious George, you bastard, but then Talledaega Nights.

And here's the problem I want to bring to your attention Will. Talledaega Nights kept up your trend of having a goofy guy, a la the Waterboy, in the lead. Not as over the top as the Waterboy, but treading dangerously close into that territory. Then, Blades of Glory. It was funny Will, don't get me wrong, I laughed. But it too featured another goofy leading character. Kind of like a Little Nicky? Stranger than Fiction? That's your Punch-Drunk Love.

In the upcoming Semi-Pro, you've once again gone and grown long locks to make a 1970's character come to life. I hope Will, I hope the hair is just dressing and not meant to make your next character slightly goofy. Please tell me that you know what you're doing and you're not making your next movie the Will Farrell Mr. Deeds.

Please Will, for those of us that love you, your appendix scar and your penchant for making the mundane funny, tell us you won't be the next Adam Sandler self-destructo-man.

Lots of love,

Dayseed.