Hello Darkness! The Official Blog of Helen Keller

Fanaholics,

There's a danger afoot here on the forums and it's one that needs rather immediate addressing. People on here, gangstalking for one, have taken it upon themselves to promote themselves to expert on rather complex issues and then with all the certainty of an errant toddler wandering out onto a freeway, tackle said issues.

That being said, there are a couple of simple, objective truths (meaning that they are repeatable and independently verifiable) regarding this rather contentious issue.

I. The self-promoted expert is rarely aware of relevant studies regarding the issue and lacks specific technical knowledge. Imagine if you will, going to a “healer” and hearing them wax about how there is a real dearth of people openly discussing skin disease. Not only are people failing to talk about it, they further claim nobody can get a PhD in Skin Disease and consequently, there can be no true experts on the subject. And, if there are no accredited experts, there certainly can’t be any complex solutions to complex skin health problems. In fact, these self-promoted experts tacitly condemn academic study and shoo initiates away from researching things themselves by claiming to have scoured the academic landscape and only found it lacking in skin disease research. The source of their Solomon like wisdom? They had a rash. Fuck me.

Using the above example, one would most likely have the following pitiful exchange:

Them: So, if you have any skin diseases, be sure to let me know and I can recommend a night to smear marshmallow and WD-40 on your rash so the moonlight can activate the healing power of your thumb. I know. I did it.

You: Um. Is there anything else that may work? I don’t think you know shit from Shineola.

Them: 10 years ago, nobody was talking about skin diseases. I know cutting edge research despite the fact that nobody is currently doing it. Listen to me. I had a rash. My natural thumb power healed it.

You: Holy fuck. What about a dermatologist?

Them: A what?

You: A fucking dermatologist. You know, somebody who specializes in skin disease?

Them: Sorry, haven’t heard of it. And nobody can get a PhD in Skinerostomy.

You: What? I think I burped and missed the first part. What about a doctor who specializes in the skin? You know, they attend medical school to learn the basics of medicine from an accredited university, get tested to make sure they know the fucking material and then they later specialize in the skin under the close tutelage of another dermatologist to make sure they get it right.

Them: Nope. Never heard of it. Therefore, it doesn’t exist. Prove to me that dermatologists exist.

You: What, like herd one in here?

Them: I’ve examined skin diseases after I had one. If I’ve examined something, I become the final authority on what everyone else in the known universe is doing.

You: Sigh. Tell me more about the consistency of the marshmallow utility oil mixture…

II. As noted above, the self-promoted expert relies almost exclusively on two really dull prongs. Their own experience (which counts as a degree in the subject matter itself to them) and shit they’ve Xeroxed. With regards to their experience, imagine the average person. They live in Canada and have lived here for 25 years, born or immigrated or fell off a fucking spaceship on its way to a planet without these dummies. If you believe living in Canada for 25 years is enough “experience” to write a thesis on the scope, history and meaning of the Constitution just for having driven through Tim Horton’s drive-thrus in said country, go fuck yourself. It’s utterly insane, yet there are people who are asking you to swallow this whoppingly bloated dead whale hook, line and sinker. Don’t be fooled fanaholics.

I’m too lazy to type more, so you’ll have to go with the above two truths about self-promoted experts for now.