Comment Corner

The Comment Corner is pleased to host Trick's Guide to Movie Goer Asscocks. Following up on the Guide to Shuttin' Up, this supplement will aid you in identifying those people who attend the theatre with you that are in dire need of being locked in a port-o-potty and buried alive under a mountain of old dentist office copies of Reader's Digest. Yup, these are the folks that beguile your efforts to just enjoy a movie.

Ideally, you want her to sit next to you when you're in the theatre:



Instead, you end up sitting next to Questerella, the bog-faced warrior. She's been up all night making her costume for the premiere of the Lord of the Rings and has learned to ask if you'll fist-fuck her in Elvish. Fear:



Sit back, read and recognize these others as we present:

GUIDE TO MOVIE GOER ASSCOCKS

By Tricks

Well here it is Ladies and Gents. The different types of people someone who works at a movie theater encounters. Lets get to it.

The Gaping Mouth Idiot

This is the little bastard who will go up to the counter and stare with their mouth gaping at the menu trying to figure out what they want. They have been standing in the line for 10 minutes, but apparently are too fucking stupid to look at the menu before now. So I get to sit there, watch people get pissed off, until this big fore headed sunuva bitch decides on his order. What really clinches this is when people complain about how long it took. But that’s a another person. So this fucker decides on what he wants, and is one of two things. Something big, that takes me a long time to get. Or something small that I can get in like 3 seconds. I put in what they want so it shows the price, and go get it giving them time to get their money out. No, they are again, too fucking stupid to get their money out. Then I get to watch them dig through their purse, jacket, wallet, or whatever it may be. (I have had some who use plastic bags). Then give them their change, and they leave.

The fucker who always fucking complains like a fucking fuck.

Alright, this is the kind of person who stands in line for a little while, then when they get to me they decide to complain about everything. Complaint number one. I am taking too long. Here is an idea. Fuck you. I just served someone with like 5 fucking kids. You want to get 5 kids combos and then have to deal with this shit? No. So shut the fuck up, order your shit, and get the fuck out of my face before I dump a vat of boiling cheese all over you. Complaint two. The Theater doesn’t have what they want. Well fuck. We don’t have slushies? You poor baby. Why don’t you go slurp crap oozing out of a warthogs ass? No? Then fuck off. Or when they don’t like how our combos are. “I’ll have a Combo 1 with skittles.” “I’m sorry sir you can only get nibs with the combo.” “But I want skittles, can’t I pay the difference.” “No you fuckwad, there is no way of putting into the system. So fuck off, take your fucking nibs, and go slam your balls in a door so you can never have children. The sign says nibs. So you are getting fucking nibs.

Lying little fucks

We have this little promotion deal thing that it’s a coupon. And with it you get two regular drinks, and a regular popcorn for free. Great deal right? Of course not. Nearly everyday I get some fucking asshole who comes in and says can I upsize. No. If you actually had more then a grade 2 education, you would read the back and see it says “No mother fucking substitutes.” “Well I did it last week.” BULLSHIT! You are a fucking lying sack of dog shit. Go shove a fucking cactus up your ass you fucking douchebag. It is impossible unless authorized by a manager. We can’t even put it into our fucking system. How the fuck would they do it then you douche? I know more about this job then you do, so don’t try to lie to my face.

People who use Purses.

Sorry ladies, but this useless concoction of leather, brass, and whatever else that shit is made pisses me right fucking off. Women habitually have messy purses (at least the ones who come to where I work.) It consistently takes them more time to get their money out of their purse, and put it back, then it does for me to get their fucking food. Like seriously. What the fuck is the point of that shit when it just takes you longer!

The Spillers

I am guilty of knocking over the odd bag of popcorn, but that’s easy to clean up. There are the fucking morons who can’t hold a drink properly, or decide to give this massive 1.5 gallon beast of a cup to their 8 year old daughter. That’s brilliant you ass munching fucker. Or they decide, hey, lets pick up this cup by the lid. WHOOPS, I’m a tard. No fucking shit. Then they do one of a few things. Apoligize, and act really nice about it, so that’s always good. Or they get angry and take it out on me for them being a dumbass. That’s always fun.

Angry Motherfuckers And the Quiet Talkers.

These people bring my piss to a boil. I want to seriously just grab their head and whack it off the Pop fountain. They come up, angry already, sit there for a minute or two asking how much everything is. Complain about it the entire time. Give ME fucking attitude for being a cheery little bastard, because if I don’t I get written up. They tend to talk really quiet too, which is really nice with popcorn popping behind me, everyone talking in the fucking building, and drinks filling, people calling out orders, and whatever other noise there is. So I get to ask them to repeat their order. Well holy shit. You would think I am asking them to dive over the counter and suck my cock. They get all huffy and fucking scream it at me. Then there are the people who just don’t want to speak up period. Do you know how often I get some retard of a lady who decides to speak about 500 decibels below the human hearing level. Yeah lets mumble the order (even if I ask them to repeat it) then lets get angry when I get the order wrong. Great job. Fucking dumbass.

The Non-Believers

This type of people don’t believe me when I tell them the price, and they have to sit there and add 4.56 and 4.99 together. So I can go have a fucking nap at this point because they take so fucking long. Then they even sometimes forget to add tax. Oh that’s great you fuckwad, We are in CANADA. Land of the tax remember? I will never forget it when some lady came and ordered something that was 9.97. She put down a 10. “That comes to 11.37 Ma’am.” But it says 9.97” “It has tax you stupid motherfucker.” Fuck, how are you alive? Why does Darwinism take SO FUCKING LONG?!

Well that is just a sample of the people I have to deal with. Hope you enjoyed this Comment Corner exclusive to The Guide to Movie Goer Asscocks. Hope you enjoyed it, now and hope you learned what not to do. Because one day, one of us is going to snap and kill someone.