Hello Darkness! The Official Blog of Helen Keller

Folks,

There is yet another menace out there, lurking insidiously on the internet, waiting to pounce and drag you into its gaping maw with those little suckery-thing tentacles, um, suckerettes I believe they're called. Come on, somebody here must have seen a big fucking octopus with its arms all waving akimbo like Tony Snow answering a pointed question in need of a definite answer. We're not moving on until somebody can tell me what they're called. No, I am deadly serious. Eat me. People, are you honestly telling me that no...okay, okay, you there, in the back with your hand raised. I don't need to know your name, just answer the fucking question. I'm sorry, what is Eva Longoria's mouth? Ha ha funny man. Firstly, this isn't Jeopardy there Ken Jennings, so knock off the question as answer shit. Secondly, her mouth is more like an inverted volcano, but with more whore. Nobody know the answer? Fine, fuck it, we're moving on.

Facebook. That's the topic.



Facebook is another one of these new networking sites that encourages you to slut yourself out on the internet by posting mundane details regarding you. It used to by myspace.com but apparently it pissed off the teeny-bopper moron follower crowd and now they've all gathered at Facebook to continue the insanity.

The site encourages you to post details about yourself such that other pitstains you were hoping never to have to hear from again can track you down and tell you how well their shitty chiropractic business is doing. Now that they guy you used to call Baby-Penis in highschool (RUEZ) has a method of contacting you, there's no end to the amount of time you'll have to spend ignorning them in an all new forum.

At it's core, Facebook does two things horribly wrong. If you're so goddamn foolish as to accept an invitation from somebody to join the site, the fucking hacker program takes the email directory from whatever email you enter and emails all those people on your behalf to join this site. Much like a powerful computerized syphilis-AIDS, you're computer just got tricked into getting a disease from every other computer that they've fucked too. Ewww. If I had wanted to get in touch with these people, I would have. I'm crafty, resourceful and will maintain my leadership role in rebuilding a raft/atoll society after the polar ice-caps melt and we all float a la Waterworld.

The second thing is Facebook's incessant demand for personal details to be on the internet. You wouldn't bang down a large wooden sign in front of your home advertising how much you make a year, how old your pet ferret is, where you went to highschool, please be my friend and you like going to E-parties with your kids. It would be fucking insane and the villagers where you live would be justified in burning down your Satan house in a flame of grace. Also, people can post their pictures. Usually, they're shitty pictures drunkenly taken during parties. Digital cameras have unleashed the inner Speilberg in everybody, it's too bad the inner him is usually an overgrown retard with thalidomide flipper-hands to operate the camera. Sometimes, he's so stupid, he changes his name from Matt to Mate. True story.

Last but not least, there's this "gift" dogshit on the site. For the low, low price of one real actual spendable dollar, you can send somebody a goddamn picture of something that isn't real! This is the goddamn internet you fuckfaced squares! You want a picture of something, you cruise until you find it! Why would I pay a dollar for a picture of lips when I could probably have real lips UPSed from an unsavoury Asian country for half the price?

Anyway, this stands as a warning against the dangers of Facebook. It's a small minded teen-aged piece of malarky that is meant to stand in place of gossiping outside the Church Sunday mornings.

Look for me there! I just uploaded my bowling pictures! Yajfkdja;kfje....

Yeah, I didn't have an ending for this one either. Go blow each other.