Hello Darkness! The Official Blog of Helen Keller

Fanaholics,

Check the date with me, would you? According to my official 2007 Who's The Boss? memorial calendar, Danny Pintauro is still gay and it is 2 days from February. We're almost 1/12th the way done on 2007 (We hardly knew ya!) and yet some lazy toast-rapers out there cannot be bothered to take down their goddamn Christmas decorations.

Some people leave up their lights all year long. These people are assholes. However, it's a common enough practice that I don't need to get all frothy-mouthed about the situation. Instead, I usually lay in ambush outside their house and kick them over with a mighty roundhouse when they're carrying in groceries. I don't think there's a better way of informing somebody that they've left their lights up longer than I approve than a scuffling of shoes on driveway, a grunt, a God-shattering Nike across the jaw followed by me running away shouting vaguely relevant things like "what the real crime is..."

That's only one situation though. I'm really referring to those ugly citizens out there who leave their bay windows gaping open so when I'm passing by, I can't help but see that they've got their tree still up and pine-needle garlands running down the banister. This isn't what I'm expecting to see when I look in. I want to see a full-on family fight at the dinner table. Mom pushing son. Teenage daughter pinning dad's tie to the table with a fork before pouring hot gravy on his head...I don't have time for a Santa-as-Firefighter figurine in the fronw window! Move that shit along!

Really though, how does this happen? How do people not notice that they've got Christmas decorations up and strewn about the house? The whole point, I would imagine, is to set up decorations so you DO notice them. How banal a mind do you have to have before you become innured to the interior of your house?

I'm not a sociologist (however, I should be given a freebie degree by some university due to the sheer awesomeness of my observations making everybody forget what this post was all about anyway...grapes?), but I bet if I did roughly 11 seconds of research using the pamphlets provided on the wall at the local police station, I'd find a strict correlation between teenage drug use, marital infidelity, senior abuse, gambling on cock-fights (either kind), auto-theft, and Tourette's syndrome in domesticated animals based upon the lack of taking down Christmas decorations.

It says something about a person when they can't be bothered. Especially when that lack of effort is effectively publically broadcast for others to make judgements. And that statement is, "Vote Conservative!"

Don't even get me started on the family with the Happy Diwali signs in their front window...alkjfioaej;eoija;!