Comment Corner

Transformers: The Movie

Folks, if you haven't checked out the trailer to Transformers: The Movie, you should seriously not do it. (No, I don't remember where I looked at it on the internet, look it up yourself.) The latest piece of shit from Michael Bay's ass has all the hallmarks of the rape of a childhood memory. The movie seems to revolve around some busted Mars rover accidently bumping into this angry piece of scrap Decepticon who summarily blasts the fuck out of the rover like an LA cop on a jay-walker. According to other reports, Optimus Prime will sport flame decals on the side of his cab. In keeping with this hick fucking Nascar trend, Optimus Prime will also have a gun-rack, Confederate flag and will drive full-bore through peace-rallies, stem-cell research labs and gay weddings. Bumblebee's wedding to be precise. You've got the touch indeed Michael Bay, and that touch is the touch of mind-fucked dementiatic syphillis. Lastly, Prowl was the best Autobot.

Spiderman 3

I watched the trailer to this one too. While it appears that Venom will take a central role in the film, played by none other than stick figure Topher Grace, Sam Raimi is flirting with dangerous ground already proven to be tragically ruinous by Joel SchufuckeduptheBatmanfranchisemacher. Not realizing that extra villains is no substitute for the lack of say, a plot and coherency, Schumacher blindly stumbled on with dumb-ass villain after villain crammed into a 90 minute shitfest. Once he was done filming the on screen murder of the Batman franchise, Schumacher reportedly turned his attention to a movie wherein the Green Lantern would fight Hannibal Lector, Clarence Boddiker, the fat chick from Misery and a robotic karate dinosaur made from drawings his retarded son drew him on a Denny's placemat. Fuck I hate Joel Schumacher and I don't even remember what movie trailer I was talking about thanks to that dick.

Trailer...

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Sorry folks, but the Comment Corner Weekly Awards are going to be a shorter version this weekend, much like Pearl Jam's latest foray into album sales.

However, despite being a tad shorter, it is none the less just as critical we examine another repeat winner and the resiliency he displays in ensuring his continued place in these hallowed halls dedicated to the dullards who walk among us. It is none other than Calgary123 who walks away easily this week with the Eye of the Fast and the Furious Fight Club Award for this Don King like promotion of what he deemed to be THE heavyweight battle nobody could miss!
[quote="Calgary123"]Mustang1...

Here's a challenge for you then. I'll let you pick.

- A 3 rounder in a ring with baby gloves, and everything goes... kicks, punches, and full submissions (arm-locks, leg-locks, chokes, etc). Even though I'm a lightweight, I'm spotting ya on my hunch that you probably outweigh me, but don't have the tools. If you do, then you should have a clear advantage.

- A street-race. As I mentioned, I've got a shiny new Mustang GT Vert coming in that will have a few performance mods on it (not too many) before I pick it up at the dealer next week. If you are a "mustang" guy like your nick-name, then I should think you will have the wheels to come out and play. For all I know, you are drivin something similar, or faster, in which case it will come down to who shifts better. Or are you one of those guys that drives around a toaster on wheels, cause his wife won't let him buy a sports car?

Alright... I know... you probably live in Newfoundland and couldn't make it in, no matter how bad you want it.[/quote]

First, it's an invitation to the Thunderdrome, courtesy of Master Blaster Calgary 123. Despite allowing a generous weight advantage, Napoleon Dynamite here is confident in his "skillz" that he could still emerge victorious. Hell, a buttload of gangs tried to recruit him at his...

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Folks, there's been a recent spate of people on here who promulgate conspiracy theory which they have dragged from the shittiest internet poop-ditches. They come here, they post that Princess Diana was mentioned in the Pumpkin Papers, Kurt Cobain traveled back in time to shoot JFK with a signed copy of Bleach and/or ALF was a CIA sponsored MK-Ultra program designed to seize mental control of a nation's genitals through the wacky antics of a cat-eating muppet.

The common thread through all conspiracy theories? They're lazily researched, they operate primarily on trying to wedge open inconsistencies in an "official" story (their term, not mine), they sell emotion and they satisfy gullible minds seeking satisfaction in paranoia.

In short, conspiracy theories are absolute crapple that usually fly directly in the face of academic history, replete with independently verifiable facts, fact-suggested theories, solid conclusions and ample support.

But that doesn't stop the little nutters from their quest for the "truth." And in this quest for the "truth", they never stop to define "truth" other than the "truth" somehow satisfies a deeply rooted belief that chance has been eliminated from the world and all bad things happen as a result of well-designed plans by a hidden cabal of domineers. Also, these domineers are protected by lazer kangaroos and nuclear moon-bugs.

So, on the wheel grinds, turning factual grist into churned apeshit. But the additional slap in the face all of these people are fond of giving is the one they usually resort to when factually challenged. That is, the challenger isn't "open-minded." They refuse to "open" their eyes and see the "truth" laid plainly before them! Can't you just tell that the British Royal Family conspired with the help of Freemasons to create the android Hillary Duff as a way to indoctrinate children into...

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Fanaholics, there have been some people on here who have slandered not only the reputation of the University of Guelph, but also universities in general. Some of these people didn't attend the University of Guelph, some of these people didn't attend university at all and STILL some of these people have at some point in their life, we have on good authority, worn a toilet seat around their neck while applying for a line of credit at the Royal Bank on the corner of Walker's Line and New Street in Burlington.

But, why slander the University of Guelph? What is it about this fine institution that so raises the ire of some of the people here? Is it the Ontario Agriculture College? Is it the Veterinary Medicine program, known to some as the Dog-Doctor Factory? Is it the History Department and their cheap reliance on facts to support conclusions? Is it the abundant lack of toilet seats worn 'round the necks? We here at the Comment Corner took a little fact-finding trip (and by that I mean surfed their website and washed my cars) to uncover the real University of Guelph and help explain the wrath it endured.

The university itself rests upon many acres of rolling hills nestled in the city of Guelph, so named for the royal name of King George IV whose family name was Gwelf. I discovered this little nugget in the FAQ How do you pronounce Guelph? I betcha I know which ding-dong sent in that one. Moving right along, the New York Times pronounced this area "Canada's Technology Triangle." In a similar article, the New York Times denounced Matt's face as resembling a triangle of luggage pieces, but without the appealing smell.

The university boasts a whopping 16,000 fulltime students, an additional 1950 graduate students and over 800 staff with a near 98% PhD or highest available equivalent education to meet the growing educational needs of its students. Of those 800 staff, none were able to think of a reason to keep a faxed "eduploma" other than...

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WEEK ENDING JULY 14th, 2006

There was a ferocious onslaught of outright stupidity dumped right into the laps of the forums this week. Anybody unprepared for the tumultuous idiocy would have been no more than an errant toddler wandering onto a busy freeway.

However, here at the Comment Corner, we donned rubber gloves, clothes pinned the nose, took a deep breath and waded into the bubbling cauldron of shit to pull out three bloody peanuts most deserving of special attention.

Our first award is to another first-time winner, but no stranger to developing cutting-edge retard thoughts. Always leading the field in both outlandish stupidity and yellow-bellied cowardice is none other than resident moron, Jaimes Souviens who wins the You Can't Torquemada Anything Award for this rather chilling and assinine defence of dehumanizing torture.
[quote="Jaimes_Souviens"]A bag over his head? That's torture? A bag over the head = physical torture? How? because the bag is heavy? Because it's dark?

Sure it's disorientating, but is disorientation torture? Torture like racks and sharp spikes and thumbscrews? Is it?[/quote]

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Folks, this is a first here on the forums where somebody actually TOOK IT UPON THEMSELVES to RANK tortures using nothing more than sheer imagination and a lack of common sense. That's right fanaholics, Judge Dredd here is more than willing to let loose a stream of tortuous pee all over the Geneva Convention because his widdle imagination told him it was okay. However, it's not all that surprising seeing the rampant torture he inflicts on logic, good taste and sensibility each and every day. Congratulations again Souviens, please don't beat somebody with the award!

Moving right along we come to the Comment Corner's first time three award winner! Long time fanaholics will no doubt guess that Dummy Matt, aka Motorcycleboy, would find himself with yet...

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