Comment Corner

The Italian soccer team should be embarassed about itself beyond belief. From the casual observers stand point, they were just about the biggest pack of disgusting divers even making Jacques Cousteau spin in his little French grave.

Yesterday, the American team had the misfortune of playing them in a game of soccer. The Italian team was ill dressed in their jaunty little uniforms, as they would have been much more at home wearing trunks, goggles, caps and fucking nose plugs. Honestly, how can anybody be proud of a team that needs to be carried off the field on a goddamn stretcher because an American ran past them, get to the sideline and then a simple "grazi!" to the ass paramedic dumb enough to haul his candy-ass around as he's ready to rejoin his team on the field for another round of shithop.

The only saving grace was the Italian team scoring on itself. Not adopting the team strategy of falling down and clutching their knees, this dumbass stayed on his feet and decided to give it a talented kick, went "ole!" and knocked it past the goalie. Incidently, the goalie was down on the ground crying about his shin.

Fuck the Italian team. If you're going to play a sport, play the goddamn sport. If you're going to cry your eyes out, get some Johnson's No-More-Tears shampoo and save us your personal embarassment. If you're going to take a dive every five steps, make sure you're in the right goddamn sport to begin with.

And if you're on the American team and reading this: Fuck you too. Score more goals.

For those that aren't lucky enough to live in southern Ontario, there's currently a heat-wave sweeping through it. And with the heat-waves, come those self-important thermophiles bleating on like retarded sheep about how "we're finally going to have some good weather." (Like I had oodles of 'good weather' in my fucking garage and was holding out for a higher price.) On and on and on and on about the heat, hooray and jolly-goods all around.

And then, once the good weather (read: genital blistering heat-wave) arrives, these same thermophiles are the first to duck and cover into coolness like the goddamn apocalypse is upon them.

Case in point: Two of these heatlovers with which I am acquainted decided to go to the mall. One of them happens to have a shitbox car with no air-conditioning, the other with an air-equipped car (a nice car, just treated like a shitbox). The one with no air suggests they take her car, the other rejects this, suggesting they take HER car BECAUSE it has air-conditioning AND they can get ICEcaps from Tim Horton's on their way to the AIR-CONDITIONED mall.

Well, with all of the prior heat-loving dogshit I had to endure, quite frankly, these two should have relished in the chance to soak up all of the heat in a sweaty bad-smelling car, drinking hot cups of steamy steam on their way to the kiln factory.

Consequently, anybody who sees a weather forecast and tries to give lame-ass high-fives because the dippy meteorologist predicts heat is a liar. Nobody buys cars, homes or even rollerblades without a fully equipped air-conditioner installed because heat sucks. The Red Cross sets up cooling stations and hands out water rather than roaming the streets with flamethrowers barbecuing fuckers for a reason. Being a thermophile is the summer season's bullshit pretense. However, be prepared for these same dummies to fly to hot countries in the winter and then repeat the bleating about how warm it was. Here's a tip: save your money...

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