Hello Darkness! The Official Blog of Helen Keller

For those that aren't lucky enough to live in southern Ontario, there's currently a heat-wave sweeping through it. And with the heat-waves, come those self-important thermophiles bleating on like retarded sheep about how "we're finally going to have some good weather." (Like I had oodles of 'good weather' in my fucking garage and was holding out for a higher price.) On and on and on and on about the heat, hooray and jolly-goods all around.

And then, once the good weather (read: genital blistering heat-wave) arrives, these same thermophiles are the first to duck and cover into coolness like the goddamn apocalypse is upon them.

Case in point: Two of these heatlovers with which I am acquainted decided to go to the mall. One of them happens to have a shitbox car with no air-conditioning, the other with an air-equipped car (a nice car, just treated like a shitbox). The one with no air suggests they take her car, the other rejects this, suggesting they take HER car BECAUSE it has air-conditioning AND they can get ICEcaps from Tim Horton's on their way to the AIR-CONDITIONED mall.

Well, with all of the prior heat-loving dogshit I had to endure, quite frankly, these two should have relished in the chance to soak up all of the heat in a sweaty bad-smelling car, drinking hot cups of steamy steam on their way to the kiln factory.

Consequently, anybody who sees a weather forecast and tries to give lame-ass high-fives because the dippy meteorologist predicts heat is a liar. Nobody buys cars, homes or even rollerblades without a fully equipped air-conditioner installed because heat sucks. The Red Cross sets up cooling stations and hands out water rather than roaming the streets with flamethrowers barbecuing fuckers for a reason. Being a thermophile is the summer season's bullshit pretense. However, be prepared for these same dummies to fly to hot countries in the winter and then repeat the bleating about how warm it was. Here's a tip: save your money...

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