Comment Corner

Folks,

I'm going to be dead-stick honest for a moment here. I didn't watch the leaders' debate. It's not even that I didn't want to watch it, I simply didn't get to it. I was watching Leafs TV instead. Watching Nik Antropov fly-fishing was absolutely breath-taking. Nothing's better than watching a Kazakhastanian waste of a draft pick fuck up fishing; not even the leaders' debate.

But after that momentous piece, I got to thinking "What the hell else is on? Is anything on this week?" I would have YouTubed the contestant search for Beauty and the Geek, which was absolutely priceless. Those stupid whores are just about the dumbest creations since Upper Deck made Swollen Balls and Bruised Dicks trading cards. Honestly, these chicks were dumber than camel shit rolled in stones. Fuck, you'd have a better chance picking gnat-shit out of pepper wearing oven mitts than these chicks would spelling USA. But I already watched that.

Then I remembered that the Leaders were debating. And then I learned that I missed it more than Rob Zombie missed the point when he remade Hallowe'en.

But fuck it, I don't need to watch it to know that John Tory is a ball-gobbling moron.

I was an undecided voter. All of the leaders appealed to me as much as getting slapped in the face with a tuna dipped in cranberries and shit. Consequently, I was that much valued "swing-voter" or "undecided". Then John Tory opened his stupid goddamn mouth and announced he wanted to throw tax dollars at textbooks dedicated to teaching kids Darwin crawled out of Satan's ass but Jesus Christ defeated him in an epic fireball battle on the holiday we now know as Christmas.

Here's the two problems with John Tory's approach:

1. He's quite right that funding Catholic schools and nobody else is fair. His solution is complete horsefuck. If we, as a province, fund different religious schools, the floodgates open to massive overspending and retarded use of provincial resources. I live in a big ol' town, you may have heard of it, it's called Toronto. In my town, a shitload of different religions all live together, close by one another. There's only so much room in that neighbourhood for schools, let alone places to drive really fast and give people on the sidewalk the finger. So, how does John Tory propose to settle the cries of denizens in a particular neighbourhood each screaming for the precious little public space to be made into a religious school of their choosing? Afterall, if equality is the name of the game, as John Tory keeps mumblefucking, then why would any one religion have precedence in that neighbourhood? Is it fair that in any given neighbourhood, the Jewish kids are bussed away but Muslim kids get to walk to school because the Muslims outnumber the Jews 940-932? Does it matter if the Jewish population is split over wanting an orthodoxy school versus a more secular school? Do they get TWO fucking schools because the Jews can't decide what's what? Do Jews for Jesus go to the Christian schools or get yet another school? What about all of the Catholic schools already in existence? Do the crosses get torn down (sweet!) and replaced with other religious icons (ah piss...) to even up the fairness?

Moreover, who gets to decide what constitutes a religion? What if I decide that my kid is a Jedi-Mystic and I want a school to accomodate my religion? If things are all about fairness, I should have my Distant Padawan of Obi-Wan School paid for by tax-dollars. Does it matter if the school would only have one student? Isn't this about fairness of choice or equality? According to John Tory, professional crotch-monkey, yes it is so build my fucking school and give me Yoda football uniforms.

If John Tory truly were about fairness, he would advocate the dissolution of the Catholic school board and shove them ass first into the public system. That way, NOBODY got to learn about religion outside of a fucking church/mosque/synagogue and tax-dollars could be focused on the public system, uniting the province's children.

2. John Tory can't back out of his moronic plan no matter how much it costs him. You see, in Ontario, the Conservatives are going hell-bent on calling McGuinty a promise-breaker. Not that they have to much, McGuinty broke more promises than Britney Spears' fat-ass split leather panties before the MTV VMAs. But there are copious McGuinty breaks promises ads.

And by that, John Tory certainly can't turn around and go back on this campaign promise or he's no different than McGuinty. He, by virtue of his campaign of the "Honest Politician", is locked into cramming every invisible sky-man into textbooks across the province. Zeus, leading the way in elementary school education since 2007.

It's a horribly stupid notion to even begin tinkering and fucking with the school system unless it's to dismantle religious education. John Tory has opened up his big fucking mouth on a debate that didn't need to go forward and his "ethics" have locked him into Jesusifying the province should he win, despite all evidence pointing towards it being a hideous failure.

And that's why I decided that John Tory is a professional crotch-monkey. I bet he's the last fucking Cylon too.