Comment Corner

Folks,

In today's day and age, at a job that's not something like a millworker, DVD stacker at Blockbuster or patio-pornographer, you're going to have to go to a work related seminar. These seminars are usually put on at hotels, but cheap fucking companies have also been known to host them at empty Taco Bells, karate dojos or Native disputed quarries. In these seminars, some facet of your job will be covered, explored and hopefully, skills will be improved. Or you'll at least have gotten to drink water from an urn. If you're lucky, it had a lemon slice. Classy.

There are a few problems with the typical seminar format. These are the problems that will cause you to flatten your dick underneath a spring-loaded garage-door in a fit of rage.

WHAT IF?

No matter what point the instructor makes, there's always some dipshit asshole somewhere in the crowd that needs to know how any and all contigencies would be covered. And I mean, every last fucking contigency. There's no depth of shame these people won't surpass to be able to ask about a hypothetical situation that has about as much hope of occurring as Nicole Ritchie gaining enough weight to discover she's actually got a penis down there. One thing that makes these assmashers even more dispicable is their total obliviousness to the heartache they cause the rest of the class. Even though aneurisms are popping like Canada fireworks the class over, they keep on mouth-barfing question after question.

Honestly, is it that bad for a particular fellow classmate to stand up and (loudly) pose "If a frog had wings would it smack its ass when it jumped?"

What if that made there be no more What If? questions?

PRIVATE COUNSELLING IN A PUBLIC FORUM

Some asshole in the seminar has probably been listening intently. Some of what the instructor has been saying resonated within their thick little skulls and caused them to think of a problem which they (may) are facing. Rather than wait until the end of class to ask a question concerning their unique problem, they decide the entire class needs to be subjected to their problem. If one is discussing offshore banking laws for example, these people want to know what happens if they were to transfer $11 from a Korean account to an Irish one, what laws would they expect. The rest of the class has their eyeballs gooing out of their heads in sheer boredom. Of course, every last other instructor brought along by the main instructor feels the need to stand up, adjust their belt over their guts and lay in with their two cents. 20 minutes go by, nothing is resolved and I've etched dirty limericks into my desk with a penny I sharpened with my teeth.

For the sake of everybody's sanity, if you have a question that pertains to you, not the material, stuff it up your ass and shit it out in private.

Thanks.

JUST A QUICK COMMENT

Trailing out of the above point with additional material, the other experts brought along by the main instructor can't help themselves but to insert themselves into the lecture by way of "Just a quick comment." An internal clock in their head is ringing and the chime is saying that they haven't been heard from in a while so it's time for yet another notes bene regarding the topic at hand. Though the main instructor is clearly annoyed but only expresses his frustration by blindfolding himself, undoing his pants and wildly spinning with his dick out, the guest lecturer blathers on and on and on and on and on with supplemental material that's nice to know, but for which nobody fucking asked. That's right. My time is hosed because somebody is insecure with their perception to the class.

Eat shit.

If you're a guest lecturer at a class, sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up until called upon to do so. Your constant interruptions serve as nothing more than train of thought derailments and serve to bore the living shit out of the class.

And that folks, are some of the things that need to be eliminated from this new adult-centred learning style seminars.

There's more, but I'm creatively lazy and will probably just save them for another time.