Hello Darkness! The Official Blog of Helen Keller

Folks,

Like, too often this Comment Corner is about proving people wrong or pointing out how wrong they are or what else is wrong. That's, like, you know, wrong or something. When are we going to, like, get into what's all good here? Why, that would be today silly-pants! Let's hold hands and explore this magical world of cotton-candy clouds, strawberry-milk rivers and butterscotch droppings from unicorns! If there's like, any time left, I'll tell you about a dream I had where I had a magic iPod that would let me here what people were thinking about me, but like, I had to be near them. Oh, that would be nice, wouldn't it? I don't know if there'll be time.

Anyhoo-hoo, here are some things that I like (maybe you like them, like, too!):

ICE-CREAM

Duh! Talk about, like, the bestest food ever! Ice cream can come in so many different varieties that it makes it enjoyable for everyone! If I'm feeling blue, maybe I'll have a chocolate ripple with like, whipped-cream! Woo-woo, all on board the express Train to Tastebud Heaven! Then I'm up and ready to go outside and hug my neighbours and compliment them on their like, totally awesome child-rearing skills! But, if I'm already happy and I want to keep that crazy joy-bender going, maybe I go for, like, Tigerstripe. Could you imagine? I'm such a kidder! Does anybody remember bubblegum ice cream? Oh my god. It was so, like, much fun to eat it! Was it ice cream or was it bubblegum? It was so hard to tell sometimes.

Sometimes I get headaches from math too.

SHARING

If I have an apple and you don't have one at all, what happens if I give you like, half of my apple? We'd be bestest friends forever and we could write that down in pen in our yearbooks! That's what like, good about sharing and stuff. When you share, you're not just sharing something like a cookie, AIDS (like, awesome diet time!) or a CD, you're reaching out to somebody else and like, totally telling them they matter. I think that if like, you can put a smile on somebody's face, then you like totally should put a smile on that person's face. If you don't, there should like, be a law that makes you get totally sentenced to Frowny-Prison for being an awful Grumpy-Potato. Sharing's cool too. If I could just get each person here to try and share one thing today, that would be like, a totally awesome start to making this a Share 'n Care world! Maybe you could give a roastbeef sandwich to your dad, or a sweater for an elderly relative just in case they're cold, or a dental assistant school application for a chronically unemployed friend. You'd be totally like that Aunt Theresa lady!

Farts are gross.

WALKING

I didn't want to introduce a bummer of a topic today, but, like sometimes you have to get all political, even when you don't want to. Sorries in advancies guys!

Walking is a totally awesome thing to do. Like, you can really make a difference to this one country in South America, Environment I think it's called? It's like, totally hard to breathe there and stuff because the skies are all smoggy. But, like I saw this documentary on the news that you can help the people of Environment by walking around because walking around absorbs the smog. People who live there don't have any cars but a lot of smog blows down from like, Mexico I think. You've got to be careful when like, defending Environemnt. That one President, JFK, like totally took one in the melon when he wanted to send troops there or something yucky. Wars suck. But, if we all keep just walking around then we'll stop the smog and people down there can like, totally get back to whatever it is they do down there.

Mentally challenged kids are like super heroes that just need a push!

Anyway, that's just some of the things that I wanted to share (tee-hee) with you today. I really hope you enjoyed our time together as we bonded, united and had like, a totally awesome adventure!

I love all of you guys!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a happy rest of April the 1st! LOL!

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Fuck, that WAS painful to type Canucker. You know what's funny to share? Cellphone video of a handicapped kid skidding backwards down an icy hill in his wheelchair. Especially if he has one of those little orange flags and he's headed towards a parked taxi.

Ahhh....much better.

Anyway, the Comment Corner is pleased to spread more hope into your otherwise meaningless lives this week with a guest article from Tricks and original Comment Corner posters from Arctic_Menace just in time for Easter. After that, we'll probe how many wooden stakes through the heart it would take to kill Andy Richter once and for all, a whimsical look at my plans to start an underground retard-fighting league and why Dr. Phil would be more entertaining if he could squirt corrosive venom from one of his tits.

In other words, the updates are coming, quit bitching.
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