Comment Corner

Folks, there’s a lot of ignorance on the internet. Worst of all, some of it appears to be a home-grown, hard-earned type of ignorance that has infested the minds of a legion of retards and it refuses to leave. Like the mighty Odin traded his left-eye for wisdom, these super-pukes traded in half their dicks for barrel-scraped misinformation and they got horribly ripped off in the trade. Or maybe just ripped.

But dammit, their ignorance shouldn’t be allowed to exist in a free-world. If Leibniz was right and positive optimism means this is the best of all possible worlds then God is an autistic kid who got kicked in His all-powerful head once or twice a recess on the playground. This is a sad state of affairs that these myths exist.

As Adlai Stevenson once publicly proclaimed before the United Nations in praise of Eleanor Roosevelt: 'She would rather light candles than curse the darkness’. Not mentioned was his private remark that she could lick a pound of butter out of a half-pound snatch. That said, I intend to permanently put to rest the following myths.

THERE WERE MORE THAN 6 AVRO ARROWS AND YOU’VE GOT ONE IN YOUR BASEMENT NEXT TO YOUR OWN X-WING

The Avro Arrow for some reason is a thorny issue that beguiles the living shit out of normal people. They assume, for reasons they read on wikipedia or invented while bragging to coworkers at the local waterin’ hole, that the Arrow was this sophisticated jet-fighter capable of defeating the Soviet Empire in two, maybe three sorties. It could launch like, a billion missiles at once, it could fly back in time by slingshotting around the sun to fetch a humpback whale before a probe destroyed the earth and its original test-pilot was Ferris Bueller who commented “It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.”

Sorry to burst your bubble out there Lone Gunmen loser-fucks, but there were only 6, they were destroyed because they were expensive and obsolete (you going to fly a plane into a Russian cruise missile? Good luck with that shithead.) and Diefenbaker wasn’t sucking Eisenhower’s weiner when he made the decision. Got all that? If you don’t believe me, go read a goddamn book by a goddamn historian. P.S. The fuckface that edits the wikipedia page doesn’t count.

SCHOOLS ARE A BASTION OF LEFT-WING INDOCTRINATION

Apparently some of you super-fucks out there are highly suspect of free, regimented education offered by the government. Somehow, if a province is offering information, it must be PC left-wing, homo knowledge that you personally can do without on your quest to be the biggest ass who mortgaged his shit house to buy an iPhone only to realize the iPhone is a piece of shit but can’t admit it so he doesn’t shut the hell up about how his iPhone is awesome.

If you style yourself “right-wing” (whether you use the term correctly or not, but, you probably don’t) get yourself a big Sharpie and write this down on your forehead: Schools are much more conservative than they are liberal. Got that?

When was the last time a highschool offered any course, ANY course, devoted to labour, labour movements or unions? Not one. Not one single highschool anywhere in any province has done it. If, as you believe, the left-wing pricks that supposedly are chocking our schools full of propaganda, why do they not embrace such a wonderful opportunity to do it? Why not simply make Unions and You 101 a mandatory Grade 10 course? And then, why the hell do schools have a BUSINESS department? Holy jumping bitch-fuck, an entire DEPARTMENT devoted to the rich creamy goodness of capitalism? The benefits of Canadian socialism get relegated to history classes where they’re stuffed in between the lessons on the wars Canada fought, why they needed to be fought and how we left a size 12 boot-print right on Hitler’s fucking forehead.

Moreover, the only people who seem to embrace this concept of left-wing indoctrination are those idiots who are jealous of higher education. Look at these people…they never went anywhere academically beyond highschool and they’re piss-stupid because of it.

Not my problem, drop your bullshit.

YOU KNOW THE BEST LITTLE FISH & CHIP/PIZZA/CHINESE FOOD RESTAURANT

No you don’t. Stop saying you do. Next:

MEDIA HAS A BIAS

There’s an interesting study out there, quoted in this Saturday’s Ottawa Citizen in a column by some white guy (look it up yourself, I didn’t keep the newspaper) which states that psychologists have observed a startling trend: People perceive bias in the media because essentially, they want to see bias in the media. When they took a group of pro-Israeli students, a group of pro-Palestinian students and a group of students who were actually getting laid and thus didn’t give a shit at I believe San Francisco State University and showed them all the same news pieces, the two pro-anything groups stated there was a bias against their own side and the sexed-out group said they didn’t notice anything but they’re planning on fucking in a phone-booth later. Notice that? Nobody ever perceives a bias for their own side, just against it.

A second study took a group of people who could hold various views on genetically modified organisms (Bobby Wager would have a raging boner during this study…look him up on google.) and let half of them read a paper they were told was a science project by a fellow student and the other half read the exact same paper but were told it was an op-ed piece in a national newspaper. Guess what happened? Well, if you need help with the answer, you’re retarded; look at the theme of this part of the article. They found that people only found supposed bias in the group that was told it was an opinion piece. Those who were told it was an academic piece said it was fair and balanced.

In the end, perceived media biases are a one-way street only against an emotionally held position by the invested perceiver. Unless you’re reading an editorial or a Doonesbury cartoon (and nobody does), the article is fair. So, for all you fuckers that harangue the CBC or Fox News, grow up. Only Fox is biased.

HEAVENLY SWORD WILL SUCK FOR THE PS3

Nuh-uh.

I DON’T MEAN YOU WHEN I REFER TO IGNORANT IDIOTS IN THIS ARTICLE DESPITE YOU FITTING THE DESCRIPTION TO A “T”

Yes I do. Change that shit.

And that folks is a small compendium of commonly held myths that needed to be shattered more than the locks on Michael Vick’s kennel or Kobe Bryant’s hotel door.

You can thank me later.