Hello Darkness! The Official Blog of Helen Keller

THE ROYAL CANADIAN AIR FARCE CAN SUCK COCK-KNUCKLE



This show is an absolute embarassment to Canadians. Each show is practically brimming with under-developed "EZ-Jokz", predictable jokes and has all the edge of Britney Spears' new bald fucking head.

Ultimately, there is one actual comedy sketch in the show, followed by current-event commentary shoe-horned into situations. Donut shop, taxi-cab, park bench, smoker's corner. The scene doesn't actually matter, the characters are interchangeable and the jokes fucking suck. Mostly because they're weak. Jack Layton talks loud, Stephen Harper is wooden and Stephan Dion is concerned about the environment. Repeat ad nauseum until the barfs comingles with snot to make a cruel tasting snarf. Or bot. Fuck it, I haven't named it. Next, Toronto is snobby and self-centered, the Leafs won't win the cup, the government is bloated, incompetent and self-serving. The average Canadian is taxed too goddamn much, Bush is an idiot, Peter Mansbridge is self-absorbed (here's a tip to make that joke fresh...have Mansbridge jerking off onto a mirror) and Sheila Copps shrieks. Am I missing anything? Oh yeah, the laughs.

The main triumvirate of the show is tired and old. Luba Goy both acts and sounds like somebody has permanently broken off their foot in her gaping twat. Easily the most annoying on the show, she deserves no less a send-off than cannon firing her head first at the gap between the bottom of a street-car and the road.

Roger Abbott is a shit-eating bastard. Each and every one of his lame cruddy jokes is followed by that down-turned mouth and nodding towards the camera. He oversells the crappy jokes and doesn't succeed either. His fat little face is better served marketing car-tires to children. In other words: useless.

Don Ferguson is the only one who exhibits even a modicum of talent. While not a complete jackass, his soul is often tarnished by having to sit next to Roger Abbott and his incessent mugging for the camera. However, the Confused Philosopher had some amusing moments but now it's just finished worse than America's Next Top Model.

John Morgan. Dead. And the funniest fucking one because of it.

The newcomers are all talentless schmucks too crappy to get their own shows. Jessica Holmes, I'm looking at you and your devilish spawn causing the maternity leave. Alan Park looks like a retarded horse that just stumbled through a broken car-wash.

The Chicken Cannon is also a terribly lame idea. Supposedly, it empowers the average Canadian to contribute to public discourse by suggesting a public goof and firing items associated to said goofery at a bristol-board or whatever the hell it is picture of the person. Just once, I'd love for the air-cannon assistant to spin that thing around and blast Jessica Holmes in her massive canoe sized nostril.

This show represents what's wrong with comedy. By striving to appeal to the masses or fears to possibly offend anybody, it ultimately dilutes itself to the point of being irrelevant. Perhaps if the show were funded by a private company rather than tax-dollars, it could strive to be edgier and perhaps tell a joke or two that would have people howling. Instead of Red Green showing up to tell his brand of shit jokes, the Trailer Park Boys could show up and call Roger Abbott a dicktree.

It's just an idea, but it's one that's time is waaaaaaaaay overdue.