Istanbul's blog

**Posted:** Mon Jan 29, 2007 10:57 pm

So EmmyLou says I am her SO. How do I know this? Well when I am relaxed or in a state of deep meditation my aural sensory nerves are razor sharp. Just yesterday I was relaxing in my two hot tubs. Hot tubs are great for getting rid of stress. Stress can kill people.Just ask Saddam. Look how his neck was stressed. Cardiovascular disease is primarily caused by stress. Life problems, upset tummy, acne or piles? All exacerbated by stress.

Well I was indeed stressed out. Hydro threatened to disconnect the power unless I paid them a fortune for the last 6 month's electricity. The Sheriff dropped by with some trucks to reclaim my furniture due to some court ruling. They cleaned out my living room set but the auction company redirected the truck to the city dump. Heehaw! The landfill department charged them $10 a load. That will learn em'.

My two hot tubs are not very large. One is a 4 liter metal bucket while the other a 2 gallon plastic pail. I fill them to the brim with hot water and place one foot in each. Then I capture the water displaced. You all know about Archimedes Principle right? The weight of the water displaced is equal to the apparent loss of weight of my feet?
Well then I split the water in two equal parts and then measure each of them. A handy scientific way of tracking if one foot is larger than the other as a bigger foot would displace more water than a smaller one.

It is important to know if there is a difference in size if you want to control stress. In other words…if there is no difference between the “actual” weight and the “apparent” weight then many of the stressful problems humans face will vanish down the drain.
If there are any imbalances in these two weights it can be restored by feeding back the actual weight components to the "left-brain" and the apparent components to the "right brain" while relaxing, urging the "center" brain into resolving any differences between the two.

I can't afford one of those fancy full sized hot tubs. Besides they are not portable.
So there I was. Limp and relaxed when Emmylou's voice resonated in the razor sharp auditory cavities of my body, my ears.
"Istanbul is my S O" she said. She had a long distance phone call from Constantinople and was chatting out on the patio.

When she hung up I hopped out of the hot tubs, sidled up to her with a offering of half a can of beer and casually asked what is a SO? I fixed one beady eye on her bosom and one on her deep honey hazel eyes. Emmylou learned years ago to show some cleavage while telling a fib or two. Once while speeding a traffic policeman pulled her over. She was doing 100 clicks through a school zone. The cop asked for her drivers license and why was she speeding? Emmy undid the top 3 buttons of her blouse and fished her driver's license out of her deep bronzed cleavage.

She explained that she saw a colony of desert ants crossing the road. She sped up to miss running them over and possibly killing hundreds of God's innocent insects. The cop put his ticket book back in his pocket, stuck his face in the window and gave her a 20 minute lecture on driving infractions.

If she wanted to tell me a whopper at least I would catch a glimpse of Pittsburgh's splendour.

Emmy giggled and said I should get more hip. Do a little online chatting where I would soon learn that "SO" is short for "Significant Other"
Some other examples she mentioned were OMG - Oh My God, WTF- What the heck!
DD = Darling Daughter, DH = Darling Husband, KWIM = know what I mean, IMO/IMHO = In My (Humble) Opinion.

It was nice to learn about the meanings of these characters but somehow I would have preferred to hear a whopper. :wink: