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Tom, Dick and Harry say "Don't hang Saddam!"

Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 12:44 pm

Now I got to thinking. I tend to do that on occasion. I wondered if I had made an error in judgement. Seems men do that sort of thing. Studies show that men misinterpret innocent friendliness as a sign that women are sexually interested in them. Could I be mistaken that my Emmy Lou, a young vivacious drop dead gorgeous blonde would be interested in a old coot reprobate over twice her age? When she gets back from Constantinople I am going to pluck up my courage and ask her if she would like a back-rub. I think Dr Sarah Hill is onto something and Emmy Lou's back-rub will be proof of the pudding.

I got a further boost to the possibilities by a peek at the animal world. What could love a rat-snake except another rat-snake? Well a cute dwarf hamster half the snake's age.

Now these two lovebirds live at the Tokyo zoo. The snake dines on frozen hamsters but so far has not eaten the hottie hamster, named Gohan or "meal" in Japanese. I wonder if I could pull a ratty snake caper on Emmy Gohan Lou when and if returns from Constantinople?

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Love letters or sytem restore.

Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 7:56 pm

Have you ever sat back, put your feet up, poured a mug of corn liquor and asked yourself, where was I 22 years, 6 months and 11 days ago?
I have not as I have no corn liquor handy.

As I couldn't do that I did the next best thing... I poured a cup and a bit of green tea. Then I figured why bother with the years and months, where was I eleven days ago?
I was about to check the calendar for a clue when the phone rang.

Long distance from Constantinople!
Would you believe it was not from my sweetie Emmy Lou?

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No passports required...

Posted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 12:12 pm

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Double it. Add 128. Add 52. Add 72. Divide by 2. Add 1. Subtract the number you first though of and the answer is 127. (According to Emmy Lou.)
Emmy Lou often pulls this stunt or a variation of it on me when she detects signs of Old Timers disease.

I used to count on my fingers but the wily fox caught on and made me put my hands in my pockets. This complicated calculations as I had to now use 11 and not 10, the usual decimal base for math. The upside was I always had a surplus.

Now you are wondering if this is in any way connected to ambitions to get into politics. A platform of guaranteed surpluses would make me a natural for the Chancellor of the Exchequer Ministry. The old Finance Minister thingy will be replaced when we finalise this Quebec Nation thingy.

Some doubters may theorize it is the fat porker MP pensions I am after. Some may think it is the mountains of perks, the elongated forever holidays, the subsidized haircuts. No it is none of these earthly distractions of materialism.
If you promise to keep it mum, do not tell my sweetie Emmy Lou, I will reveal my secret.

It is to gaze wistfully at Rona for a few hours each day.

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Logic Array Technology

Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 9:52 pm

Every year come November comes a shopaholistic attack. What is that you ask? Shopaholism is "compulsive shopping motivated by irresistible impulses, characterized by spending that is excessive and inappropriate, usually has harmful consequences for the individual, and tends to be chronic."

I don't need a new car, can't afford a new car but I have a new car shopaholic attack in progress. Last year when I had a similar attack I was impaled for weeks on the horns of a soul disturbing dilemma, Honda or Chevy? so I did the unthinkable.
I sought automobile advice from my friend Emmy Lou.

"Have a cold shower, get laid, masturbate if you must then go smoke some weed" was her considered advisement. Must have worked even though I only managed 2 of her suggestions.
Now Emmy Lou is vacationing in Constantinople and is not answering her email.
I don't think her previous advice will work this year. Besides I do not smoke.

Honda or GM? I will decide while I boil my egg in the morning. Tonight I will take it out of the fridge and lay it on it's side. That way as it gets to room temp the yolk will center. Nothing spoils a new sunny day than discovering your breakfast egg's yolk is all scrunched up to one side.

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How long does one swing of the pendulum take?

Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 3:28 pm

This morning between that eon waiting for the kettle to boil and dozing off I thought I would contemplate my mortality. It figured as I was a mere mortal- right? But then so was Pocahontas so why jump the gun?
One good reason is that time waits for no man. I needed a mortality project to research. I decided to find a way to divide all the people in Canada and Mexico into groups based on a number of characteristics that would demonstrate important differences in life expectancy. I settled on sex. There were slightly more females than males in total so it was obvious their XX mortality rates were lower than XY chromosomes. Kettle just warm to the touch.

Then I mused on how many people had actually built a wooden stool from scratch? Felling the tree, planing the planks, the whole enchilada? 126 seemed like a good number but I rounded it off to 150 as no doubt some people were still working on their stools.
I have been reading about earmarks Republicans have been adding to spending bills. Earmarks are what farmers do to animals to identify them. It is backwards. Earmarks on the Porkers not the bills. Just ask Mike.
Tyson not porky Moore.
Finally, kettle is boiling.....

Tomorrow I am going to boil a egg to go with my tea.

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