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If it works for the birds and the orangutans ......

Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 1:06 am

So the gang got together for a Thanksgiving BBQ. We ended up with hamburgers as Gus could not locate the turkey.

EmmyLou had inherited a couple of lovebirds from the estate of her late Aunt Helmsley. They were a couple so she expected them to reproduce after some months. But to her dismay they ignored the hint of 3 marbles in a makeshift baby crib/nest.
So once again current affairs and recent book reviews went out the window in favour of reproduction. The birds and the bees were the topic of the day.

Gus brought up a recent Texas University report where bird fertility rates were boosted if the male anticipates that a sexual encounter is just around the corner.

The unorthodox study involved 28 male quails, 14 female quails, and two chambers: a green one near a noisy room and a white one on an isolated table.
The males were put into each of the chambers for a brief period daily over a period of five days. Half were given access to a female immediately after their time in the green chamber but not the white: for the other half it was the opposite.

The male quails therefore came to associate one chamber with the act of copulation.
"We can take anything and make it a romantic setting if there is the anticipation of sex," said Michael Domjan, a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Austin.
"We concluded the experiment by pairing the males with single females. One male would go into the romantic chamber and then have access to the female, then one would go into the non-romantic chamber and then have access to the same female," Domjan, one of the authors of the study, told Reuters by telephone.

Using DNA testing the researchers then tracked the paternity of the eggs and found that the males who anticipated the act of copulation fertilized 72 percent of the eggs laid by...

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420,000 years and counting.

Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:04 am

So Gus drops over to show us his new Hummer. A real man's car if there ever was one. He was sure it would impress Edith of the Mighty Chest. Well no such luck but she did fancy the color. Nipple pink.
"Why did you buy that machine?" enquired Edith of the MC." Don't you believe it causes global warming?"

"It is for the environment" replied Gus. "It beats your hybrid all to hell. Heck just check this out!"

"But Albert drives one and his movie shows he is a expert on climate change" noted Edith of the MC.

"So Gus, whats with Albert and his climate change movie?" I asked.

"yep, you are the local expert" chimed in EmmyLou.

"There are no experts" replied Gus. "Only crackpots, fraudsters and con men."

"Don't forget the sheep" I added. "There are millions of those."

"Horse donkey jackass feathers" from Emmy's sweet lips. "Some people say a lot of high paying jobs depend on Global warming being a fact and not a self serving scam, so I checked it out for myself. I went to Tukkiewakchuk to check if the icecap was melting. The world is definitely warming up. Luckily I had some hot weather gear.

In fact most of the workers stripped down to escape the half degree temperature rise in the last 50 years.

It was obvious everywhere. Even...

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Who and What came first?

Posted: Mon May 21, 2007 8:10 pm

So it is raining again. Rain is the trigger the gets EmmyLou into BBQ mode. It must be her way of telling the weather Gods that rain on weekends is unacceptable.
Gus and his mum showed up early with some beer. He knew Mighty Chest was invited.

Edith of the mighty chest would sometimes wear outlandish outfits as she knew it would grate on Gus's conservative senses. Gus had the hots for Edith but he tried hard not to show it. He figured ignoring her feminine wiles was the quickest way to seduce her.

Other times she let it all hang out in order to titillate his manhood.

Payday was still a week away so tube steaks were on the menu. Hot dogs have been an American BBQ tradition ever since Columbus landed in Chesapeake bay. Emmy's dawgs featured a Vienna Beef frank dragged through hot mustard with pickle relish, chopped onion, fresh tomato, peppers and a dash of jalapeno salt. Cold beers were an accompaniment along with Hank Snow's and Stompin Bill Conner's music.

With the rain pounding down on the hot BBQ lid it was no surprise that the conversation turned to who came first. Gus said "You mean what came first. The chicken or the egg?

"Yes that what I meant" giggled Edith.

"Eggs came first" said...

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Why men lie.

Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 12:30 am

So Emmy is now on the warpath. Seems she was sure she had caught Istanbul in a bald faced lie.
Emmy had invited Edith of the mighty chest over for a beer and a few munchies.
Gus turned up early, all gussied up in white shirt and spats when he heard mighty chest would be there.

Well it did not take long. Before the second beer was downed Emmy dropped the question for all to ponder. Why exactly do men lie? She seemed to be looking at me so I had to scramble for a suitable answer.
"It has to do with improving the workings of the mind" I said.
"That's a fact" agreed Gus.
"How so" asked Mighty Chest.
"You tell her" Gus said, nodding at me.

Good thing I had a few shots of rum with lunch. It lubricated my mind. I could see clearly now, the brain is gone, I could see no obstacles in my way ... . Catchy beer drinking tune.
"Well remember a wild boar deprived the sleeping Scandinavian god Odin of his genitals, the same happened to Adonis, the lover of Venus.
And that led to religion."

"How so" asked Mighty Chest

"Castration was common in certain groups. Prevented lies and fibs. Priests of the Algonquin Indian tribe were castrated. Sexual activity of primeval people was high as there was no Internet or TV. No scrabble"

"That so?" asked Mighty Chest.

"Yes its so. It started way before the era of the XVIII.5 dynasty. Men are close to apes DNA wise. Take Baboons for instance. They stand out among other apes for their sexual lustfulness. The thingy of a male baboon is almost always erect. If a male baboon is in solitary he will die from his unsatisfied desire to copulate."

(Snuck a quick lustful sideways glance at Edith's ample chest here.)

...

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A Fairytale ... Dimwits Can Be Juiced Up.

Posted: Tue May 08, 2007 9:40 pm

So EmmyLou had a busy week. She was pooped and decided to have a little power nap.

Seems Istanbul and Gus were away on assignment. There was a new global warming gas in town and The CBC hired them to sniff it out.
It would be a fine time to entertain 3 of Emmy's closest buddies so she invited them over for a BBQ and a few drinks.
Jack was the first to accept the invitation. He never turned down a free meal and a few drinks in his life and he wasn't about to start now.
Gilles was also on board as he always liked to strengthen links with the Anglo community.
Stephan was a wishy washy maybe for a while but at the last minute he accepted the invite. Any chance to improve his English was not to be sniffed at as his Mummy chided him.

Well all three arrived by limousine at 2pm precisely. They came fresh from the House where they were debating what the quantitative role tissue paper played on Climate Change. One sheet per sheeet is a good idea said Steffy. Makes for a smaller carbon footprint nodded Jack. Gilles tried folding it in four but remained unconvinced.
Emmy asked why didn't they carpool from the House? Why 3 Limos and 3 chauffeurs?
Productivity said Jack. I work on NeoCon World Corporation problems on the road.
Steffy said he needed to relax between appearances. A tip he got from Helena Rubinstein before Max Factor.
Gilles said he couldn't stand what the other two stood for so wouldn't share a butt never mind a ride.

Emmy served them drinks before the main course. She had to spike them with a nip of pure alcohol. The original drink had no time to ferment. It lost its taste and aroma in a few hours.
"Mon Dew" gulped Steffy. "This stuff is beeter than those French wines from Kelowna."
"Smooth" was all Gilles could mutter.
"Wow! bow wow wow" yelled Jack. What did we do to deserve such royal treatment?"

"Well Guys" said Emmy. " I was a bit pissed off for your attack...

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