Istanbul's blog

**Posted:** Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:30 am

So I wakes up bright and early, a bit after 10 am. 54 minutes past to be more precise.
EmmyLou must be up doing the dishes or the laundry. She knows I don't like to partake of breakfast before enjoying my Cuban cigar. I smoke half of it but do not inhale. A tip I stole from slick Billy. After breakfast I will light up the other half and watch it smolder away over a cup of coffee. Every second week I will switch which half gets smoked and which half just burns away. I got that "prevent acute bacterial meningitis" advice from my supplier Juany, the Cuban tobacconist. He fled Cuba to escape persecution by their Cigar Industry as they objected to his competition I guess.
Scary the way they went after a poor peon lettuce and cabbage farmer who had a capitalist home based hobby on the side.

Imagine my shock to see that the dishes were untouched. Well she is busy with the laundry I guess. Must be trying out that new wash board I got her for Valentines day.
Nope that was untouched too. The seriousness of my situation began to sink in. I was all alone. Emmy must have been kidnapped while I napped. A home invasion?
She certainly would not have left me on her free will. But what if she had?

I know I had a great struggle in using suitable words in our analytic relationships.
I suspected Emmy was lusting for my body if not my mind, was feeling low, needed company and attention to her inner feelings. I needed the male needs of care about my outside habits, like cooking and cleaning up after me. We were a natural match I'm sure you would agree?
Even the vicious killer Hitler could not resist a women’s rack. In the field the lack thereof often led to feelings of confusion in him. That lackatouchy made it difficult to foster significant battle changes. So he lost the war. Simple as that.

She must have left me for Constantinople. She did say last night my ideas have consequences. I thought she was more flexible than she actually was. I didn't mean to hurt her but she was as rigid as a steel girder, no give at all.
I didn't understand her narrow views on the issue and was wasting my time trying to change her opinions. She didn't want to be cooperative, was rebellious and egocentric.
She was for the Kyoto Accords and nothing would make her reconsider.

I started to panic. I knew one day no matter how hard I may try a major loss was inevitable. What went wrong I wondered? Did I spoil her or maybe neglect her?
Gus says friendships die because they aren't moving forward. They die from plain neglect. Well I did miss her birthday. I explained why me and the guys were too busy to celebrate it. She had got a new hairdo and a new outfit but I did go out of my way to compliment her on it.

When we were dating I distinctly remember a time when I willingly sacrificed my Pub nights to please her. Now that the relationship has developed further she has become a bit critical of my resuming downing a few with the lads some nights. Gus says I was being selfish and stubborn but what does he know? I know Emmy would want me to have a good time. There is a lot of stress out there for us guys.

I knew I was headed for a break down. Whenever that catchy Elvis tune entered my head it was always followed by a breakdown.

Why oh why and wherefore
Is there no one to care for me?
Wish that I could visit
the home of some exquisite blond.

Just then the skies opened up. Thunder and lightning, rain drops as big as grapefruit.
The door open and Emmy Lou entered with her pillow and Sleeping bag under her arm.
She had been sleeping on the porch!

And my snoring was to blame.

Emmy said a woman in Britain has been jailed for two years for stabbing her husband and pouring bleach down his throat to stop him snoring.
She was tempted but didn't like the sight of blood and besides, would have needed the bleach to get the blood stains out of the sheets/table cloths.

So she snuck off to the porch to get some quality sleep.

Gus said snoring is usually caused by sleep apnea and those with it are known to suffer from erectile dysfunction. Taking Viagra will only make apnea worse. So EmmyLou had a choice...more sex more snoring and less sleep or moving out of earshot.

Gus says that the erections men naturally have during deep REM sleep help preserve normal erectile function. Men with sleep apnea, however, have continuous sleep interruptions and spend less time in the REM stages, less erections. Gus says I should see a Doctor.
He said Dr Rosemarie Rosario is an expert on apnea and ED. Gus snores like a freight train, has acute apnea but does not suffer from ED according to the grapevine. I wonder what is the wanker's secret?
Next week I have a sleep disorder and ED appointment with Dr Rosemarie R.
Here is her appointment card. Hubba hubba!