Istanbul's blog

**Posted:** Tue Apr 17, 2007 9:16 pm

So how did it happen? Where and how did Istanbul go wrong? What drove him to his near hysterical breakdown? It happened soon after England lost their world cup cricket match to Zimbabwe so could that be it?
Dr Rosemarie Rosario agreed to make a house call which in itself was quite unusual, but it would have been foolhardy to remove the restraining handcuffs and cart Istanbul to emergency. Also as a security backup Istanbul's bootlaces were tied together. After a few beers he was incapable of doing them up never mind undoing them. If he escaped he wouldn't get far.

Dr Rosemarie R observed the curled up quivering mass of bones for a few minutes then at a opportune moment nipped his nostrils closed with two fingers. Eventually his mouth opened and Dr Rose popped a few bright blue pills down his throat. Muscle relaxant she explained as he straightened out. Then she produced a syringe, the type used by veterinarians on mules. She emptied it into Istanbul's left buttock. Muscle relaxant she said. It immediately quit quivering and vibrating but not so the right one. It had a mind of its own. Shaking and bouncing like jelly pudding or Emmy's breasts while jogging or trampolining.

DR Rosemarie said to give him a few minutes and he will settle down, nap for awhile and be good as new when he awakens. But in the interim she wanted to know what was the root of the problem? How did he fuckup so badly? She didn't quite use those words exactly but more like .. what psychological explanation is there why he wasn't institutionalized early in life?
EmmyLou said she knew or had a good suspicion. Gus said he could only guess.

Gus's guess was absurd. Dr Rosemarie dismissed it at once. Emmy was not so sure. Gus said Istanbul's Pappy chewed tobaccy, seldom brushed his teeth and loved garlic pickled catfish. As a result Istanbul never took to breastfeeding. If it didn't taste like an advertisement for rat poison it was painted to look scary. Istanbul was put off "fait tete" as Gus delicately explained.

He was usually fed curried spiced pablum. This invariably gummed up the sensitive plumbing and Istanbul spent many exhausting hours coping with the consequences.

Istanbul's 2nd Uncle "Ho Yum" understood the importance of breastfeeding. He knew babies thrived on it. When he was required to babysit the two infants he was the surrogate mother.

On the other hand Istanbul's twin, Constantinople relished breastfeeding. He had no early or teenage problems. He graduated Magna Cum Lordy thanks to early nourishing from Mum's 38Ds.

Later as a young man he painted his automobile in appreciation of breastfeeding setting the foundation to cope with life's stresses.

Dr Rosemarie said Istanbul's problems may then be traced to a lack of breastfeeding.
It may explain why he traded his new Nike runners and 4 kilos of fresh Canadian bacon for these two ordinary everyday pictures.

His extra pounds are probably due to insufficient mothers milk at birth. Humans are not born fat, nor is breast milk designed to make them overweight.
Formula, on the other hand is loaded with chemicals, additives, flavour enhancers and fillers in a attempt to make it look like breast milk.
With formula feeding, portions are determined by manufacturers’ instructions. Babies are encouraged to finish up their bottles.

Formula fed babies are more likely to become obese later in life. Obese older children and adults are at higher risk for many diseases including heart disease, hypertension,stroke, diabetes, gallbladder disease and ED.

Gus said Dr Rosie may be right. Istanbul's Pappy grew up without mothers milk. His three sisters were. At a family biker reunion it is easy to see the difference in their development.

Istanbul was a problem child. He ranted for years for a bike for his birthday. Finally he got one but not what he expected. This unnecessary mean joke was definitely due to lack of breastfeeding. Istanbul's Pappy just lacked the chemical brain neurons and wherewithal to function as a sane normal human.

Dr Rosemarie had to go to Judo classes so prepared to leave. She gave EmmyLou some parting advice. If she ever had kids and wanted them to grow up into normal sane clean cut all Canadian girls or boys, then to make sure they are breastfed.
Remember Winston Churchill's speech before the Commons, (June 4, 1940)
..
we shall breastfeed on beaches, landing grounds, in fields, in streets and on the hills. We shall never surrender.....