Istanbul's blog

**Posted:** Sun Apr 01, 2007 8:15 pm

So who done it? I hate mysteries. Sitting around the kitchen camp stove slurping coffee while waiting for the muffins to burn, EmmyLou asked the $64,000 question.
Who dunnit?
Well I know it wasn't me but how to convince the others? Emmy suspected me, I thought it must be Gus and Gus figured it was Emmy.
Strange stuff suspicion.
Someone in the know said an engaged woman is always agreeable. Her cares are over and she feels that she may now please without suspicion.
Is that why Gus suspected Emmy? Didn't make sense as Emmy was not engaged. Spoken for but not engaged. Pleasing yes but engaged no.

I had to bail Gus out of the slammer last year. Seems he was relaxing on the White House lawn after making large footprints in the rose garden. He had carved the "Bigfoot" ape like feet out of a cedar stump, strapped them over his boots and tromped through the garden. He wanted to give America their own Himalayan Snowman.
However the Feds frown on foreign subjects imprinting descriptive tracks in the sod while near the Oval Office.
Anyhow they also stated that there was no indication that he was linked to terrorist activity. But doing that kind of thing leaves Gus open to suspicion.

Why Emmy suspected me is anyone's guess. Maybe it was because I worked too hard? Confucius said "Look for an occupation that you like, and you will not need to labour for a single day in your life." So I did, excelled at it and got to the station in life where I am today.
Not without more than my share of pain mind you. My ginger hair suggests I am more sensitive to pain than blonds. It is now common knowledge that female redheads require more anesthesia to block yelping in response to playful stimulation.

Gus says redheads can put away more booze than blonds but tolerate pain less. He cited the time two lady friends tripped over him, both alcohol sedated, both hurt themselves on the curb.
Both moaned and groaned. Both rubbed a bump on their heads. But only one went ape.
"Proof positive" agreed Emmy, "But has no bearing on this mystery of who done it."

Emmy flat out said it must be me. All the evidence pointed to me she said.
Then she brought up the "C" and "E" words. I was flabbergasted to put it mildly. How can one argue with "C" "E"?
I mentioned I had a strong alibi and there were many, in fact numerous inconsistencies in witnesses' statements. All I got were blank accusing stares.
"There was no direct observation and that's a fact. Do not infer that occurrence outside of the facts" I retorted.

What about Gus? I asked. "He had motif and opportunity did he not?"
Emmy agreed with that lot but reminded me Gus was at the hospital visiting his Mom at the time. Gus'Mom confirmed it and her word is as good as gold. When completing her income tax return the Receiver General does not even require her signature confirming the filing was true. Either she had something on him or he knew she couldn't tell a lie.

So that left Emmy. Was it her? Could she have screwed up enough courage to go through with it? It was quite blatant.
"Was it you then Emmy?" I inquired.
Emmy looked guilty. "You are not forthcoming." Opined Gus. Ho ho my mind briefly wandered. Fourth-coming! Close

"OK", confessed Emmy. "I didn't want to say anything. I was scared and felt sheepish afterwards. That blond Edith with the mighty chest was in the bar. We had a few pints and went for a walk and some air. I lost Edith in the crowds so when I came across a horse I took a ride, I needed a rest. When I got focused I noticed a giant rabbit in front of me. There was a galloping pig on my left and a fire truck on the right. Some kid was riding a unicorn behind me. I was trapped. Could not escape.

I was petrified, closed my eyes and rode round and round for hours. When the fairgrounds closed the operator of the carousel told me to go home.
I was miles away for hours so surely it could not have been me!" Emmy declared.

The muffins were baked and the coffee was re-brewed but the mystery of 'who dunnit?' remains.