Istanbul's blog

**Posted:** Thu May 10, 2007 12:30 am

So Emmy is now on the warpath. Seems she was sure she had caught Istanbul in a bald faced lie.
Emmy had invited Edith of the mighty chest over for a beer and a few munchies.
Gus turned up early, all gussied up in white shirt and spats when he heard mighty chest would be there.

Well it did not take long. Before the second beer was downed Emmy dropped the question for all to ponder. Why exactly do men lie? She seemed to be looking at me so I had to scramble for a suitable answer.
"It has to do with improving the workings of the mind" I said.
"That's a fact" agreed Gus.
"How so" asked Mighty Chest.
"You tell her" Gus said, nodding at me.

Good thing I had a few shots of rum with lunch. It lubricated my mind. I could see clearly now, the brain is gone, I could see no obstacles in my way ... . Catchy beer drinking tune.
"Well remember a wild boar deprived the sleeping Scandinavian god Odin of his genitals, the same happened to Adonis, the lover of Venus.
And that led to religion."

"How so" asked Mighty Chest

"Castration was common in certain groups. Prevented lies and fibs. Priests of the Algonquin Indian tribe were castrated. Sexual activity of primeval people was high as there was no Internet or TV. No scrabble"

"That so?" asked Mighty Chest.

"Yes its so. It started way before the era of the XVIII.5 dynasty. Men are close to apes DNA wise. Take Baboons for instance. They stand out among other apes for their sexual lustfulness. The thingy of a male baboon is almost always erect. If a male baboon is in solitary he will die from his unsatisfied desire to copulate."

(Snuck a quick lustful sideways glance at Edith's ample chest here.)

"It is written that the scent of a female can drive a male, human or baboon to insanity." In fact a baboon with a woody was a divinity symbol in ancient Egypt. Humans wanted to control their impetuous sexuality so castration was often used to achieve such a goal.
Sexual energy was taken away from the nuts and given to the mind.
That also paved the way for Religion."

"Rubbish, not so" piped up Emmy.
"You said you liked smart women. You said you never go to bed on your first date. You said you are looking for a woman to form a steady relationship with. You said you never treasured your solitude and never got used to being alone. You said sex doesn’t play a big role in your life.
You said you like the way I scream and moan when we make love.
You said...."

"hold it!" yelled Gus, coming to my rescue."There is a simple reason why men lie.
Its a male bonding thing. We know its a lie but that's OK. Take King Poulaho of Tonga for instance. He was the only man in the kingdom who had the right to deflower girls. The 80-year-old king told captain Cook in 1777 that he deflowered 8 to 10 girls every day. So, it means that the king managed to deflower more than 37,000 aboriginal girls during his lifetime.
BS was all Captain Cook could say but the King took no offense. He named his 16,486th son 'BS' to commemorate Cook's visit. They were lifelong buddies from then on because of a little lie. He only deflowered 32,400 after all the notches in the palm tree plantation were recounted."

"But during my last 43 second orgasm Istanbul distinctly said 'Lordy Edith you are fabulous'. I knew Istanbul was visualizing me as Mighty Chest" moaned Emmy.
"No way Emmy. I said 'Lord he doth favor me'" I corrected her. "Men would never mention another woman's name at a time like that."

"You sure?" asked Mighty Chest.

"Well of course. We could get balloonia if we did it.

"Whats that" asked Edith and Emmy together.

"Well in sensitive men a protein from the brain is released if they lie like that during sex with their one and only. The love of their life. It can cause the scrotum to swell up. Balloon to uncomfortable sizes the bigger the fib.

These men are all guilty as sin. Just look at the fibbers in this picture. They all suffer from Balloonia." I said.

"Well that explains that" said a relieved and happy EmmyLou. You don't have balloonia so you couldn't possibly have been fibbing"

Gus and I had a toast to that self evident truth. :wink: