Mad Mountie's Fantasy Land

Duane Lee Chapman of Da Kine Bail Bonds…a wonder of the natural world; this man proves that you can’t judge a book by its cover…or its correct use of popular idioms.

Only in the US could a red neck Hawaiian convict become the most successful pseudo-law enforcement agent on the continent; a bouffant mullet, no shirt wearing, uneducated, drama driven, walking stereotype of all that is wrong with the fugitive hunting business. I can’t decide what part of his show is more ridiculous, his constant coining of slightly used and completely asinine slogans and sayings, his amateur take down style or his unruly hoards of wild surfer kids. And I must say…Beth Smith has got to be the most aggravating, annoying and slutty looking biotch on the planet. I need to know what feat of new age engineering she uses to keep those milk sacks up around her throat….I mean, my dear lord!!!

But despite all this, every time there’s a Dog marathon on A&E, I watch, faithfully and I can’t tear myself away. It’s partly my wife’s fault (she’s got the thigh sweats for Leland, she says he reminds her of me in my younger years), but I can’t deny that these guys are living the life. New cars, nice houses, running their own business the way they want to run it…in Hawaii no less.

Having worked in the PI business for several years, I’ve had opportunity to participate in many stings, take downs, and hunts; it’s a thrill, let me tell ya! But my critical eye watches them with some suspicion, their operation seems a little fly by night, a little seat of your pants and not completely professional. For now though, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

If you’ve watched the show over the years, you’ve seen them grow from a couple guys (Duane and “Young Blood”) bushwhacking bad guys with Beth squawking in their ears, to a small army of hunters, with a common taste for vigilante justice. I respect their decision to avoid the use of guns, and they seem to use tactics that are more conducive to peaceful apprehension, but I have a small problem with the Dog’s Roadside Counselling service; I don’t know about you, but I prefer to leave the psychological analysis up to Dr. Phil.

All criticism aside, they put on a damn good show, great scenery, good action and just enough asshead to make it entertaining. So here’s to Dog the Bounty Hunter, holster your pepper spray fogger, shine your handcuffs, and raise your glasses in honour of the best (if not the most flamboyant) Bounty Hunter in the business!

http://www.dogthebountyhunter.com/intro.php