Tatt's mind

so I got those damn transfusions...now I am sicker than I have ever been. I now have a reaction to the plasma and H1N1 that my Doctor attributed to being in the blood clinic. Like WTF?

I have had to cancel my trip to go surfing...I figure I am too weak for trip overheads (30 foot breaking waves)...I am going to miss out on tubaler. No one misses out on that!!!!

I miss out on so much....I slept through a Canucks game...bullshit. I am pissed off beyond all belief. I have the most fucked up sleep schedule in the world...I sleep when I feel like it, more like pass out...I hate it. I have no energy, my friends want the hyper active me back but I cant do it...my ADHD is apparent but the hyper activity is gone. I hate this shit. My boyfriend and kids are freaked out cuz I aint me....well I am freaked out cuz of it too. They dont know the truth I wont tell them.

So at this point in time....the Docs(ya I have 4 cuz I am anomaly)give me a 30/70...I get the 30, better than the 10 a month ago eh?

So the gist is....I am not taking anymore transfusions, I will fight this on my own. Transfusions just fuck me up and make me worse...sorry to say it, but I would rather be dead than be a zombie loser on my couch.

I dont even think I can go to U2 on wednesday....bullshit right?

I went through all these tests....the docs thought Leukemia I thought otherwise....guess who was right?

FUCKING RIGHTS!!!! I was right....but it aint great, according to the "Doctors"....the bastards like treatment.

I was born with Thalassemia Alpha, its a blood disorder that well basically fucks with absorption and creation of iron and fucks with life, while under stress it crashes of platelettes, oh fucking joy. Most dont live too long being born with this shite, 18 is the max, according to 'doctors' I am the 1% after 18 and I am living on borrowed time, I say otherwise....considering I was a mom with two kids at that age.

I was told at the ripe old age of 5 I was going to die, I beat it...I was told I would be dead at 13, my parents used to give me opium for pain and alcohol for sleep when I was a wee child, no wonder I used heroin and was a fucking addict by that age...guess what I beat it,(I guess it is true us evil folk push through) ....by 18 I should have been dead. Guess what folks!!! I lived!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....and I was a Heroin addict by that time, I could only stop when I got pregnant...hell give a kid a death sentence and they will do anything to make them feel alive....or give them love.

so here is the deal....my Alpha (so that muthafucka thinks its alpha) Thalassemia is acting up hard....I dont like getting blood transfusions...actually I refuse it. I get plasma for the time being and will cross the transfusion thing when I get to it.

So here it is folks....

We go surfing....thats my thing. I am going to Westport soon. The doc tried to put me in hospital before Tofino...did I go? I went to Tofino...and surfed my ass off on 12foot waves...EPIC!!! did I die?....Hell NO!!!

I am going to Westport....I will live through cuz I am surfing

Never give up on ANYONE!!!! and I mean that...anyone no matter of age or what they have gone through or done...and...

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Well I did start this as a rant and deleted it...I am not going to continue with that. I just want to give everyone a chance to remember a man, just become a man, that was giving, caring and one of the best there was. He coached Baseball, He coached Football, he was one helluva Hockey player and we love him and miss him deeply. He will never be forgotten because he will always be inside our hearts and memories.

Ry Ry, was like my fourth son and it tears me apart to know i will never hear Hey Auntie, gotta a smoke? Just Kidding!!!...again. So simple yet that was how it was...we all had that easy simple life...now it has been torn into pieces. wounds heal, memories remain...but the yearning to see and hear a loved one never goes away. I do know if he is where he believed in, he is teaching some kids baseball, football and hockey...whatever team it is, it is one hell of a team...because only Angels can make a team succeed and that is what your boys are doing now...they are making you proud.

Love you and miss you Ry Ry and one day we will all play pick up again. Love Auntie Sharona

I will first off say I am NOT a Christian, but this is what I think about Christmas and what the person it was named after would think about the shit I saw today. I think Jesus was a prophet and believe he stood as one of the first true humanitarians on record and would be disheartened about the day I had. The reason why I think this is because he befriended prostitutes and murderers, which most in this day and age consider the scum of the earth. I believe, If i am right, he was non-judgmental and wished in his heart for love and peace of all. The world has lost site of these very simple things...I am guilty as well.

So this is coming up to his, in some religions, his birthday. It is supposed to be a celebration, but what I witnessed today would make anyone reconsider Christmas.

I went shopping for presents, we dont do anything big...a couple gift cards, some movie passes and a restaurant card...but I will get to the reason later. Well when I was getting these things I saw a women berate her child, which appeared to be about 5, to the point where I said something. It was horrible, this poor kid was probably dragged from store to store in the search of the perfect present to impress someone at Christmas. I said something, it wasnt the most pleasant convo, but I just informed her that if she wanted her child to appreciate the meaning of Christmas she should set a better example....it wasnt as polite as that though. The next incident, in the same mall, was a couple..they were arguing over what to get each others parents. It ended with them getting nothing for anyone or themselves!!! WTF????...maybe they can get divorce papers...

Maybe I am naive cuz I was never raised in a house, nor ever raised my kids in a house, where presents represented Christmas, but I found it to be a very horrible experience. As far as I am concerned Christmas is nothing but...

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I was super tired and forgot my IPOD was in my jacket pocket and washed it I cant believe I did it...freaking dumbass move for sure. The problem is now i realize how much i need my IPOD for commuting on public transit. People talk on buses...who knew and really I have never cared to find out.

I was heading in at my usual 5:45am bus ride and about 10 minutes into the commute an argument started. It seems that this one slope head individual did not like the Spanish language and didn't want anyone speaking it around him. Two young guys were talking, quietly in Spanish, and the Neanderthal snapped. He stood up and yelled in their faces 'Why did you come to Canada?'...the poor dudes looked really confused as did everyone else...remember this is 6am. to the credit of the two Spanish guys they tried to ignore this moron. He started screaming at them telling them to speak English in the country HE was born in. A gentleman at the back yelled at him to sit down and shut up...that 'its a free country and they can speak whatever they like'...to which the Moron said 'you sit down and shutup'...Brilliant comeback since he was already sitting down.

Of course I hate people yelling for asinine reasons and he was getting right in these guys faces, so I said to him. 'dude sit down and shut the fuck up...we don't want to hear your shit'...he said 'well i was born in this country and I have a right to tell these 'Spics' (nice eh?) to speak English'. I let him know that it wasn't the fault of the other riders or the country of Canada that his Uncle knocked up his mommy and she squeezed him out on this side of the border...So shut the fuck up!!!

He looked really confused, sat down and Shut the fuck up. The bus erupted with laughter and Neanderthal had to ask the guy sitting next to him, if i had insulted him. How do some people get a bus pass, is what i would like to know? And I promise if i...

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