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 Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 12:33 am |
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Some folks know that my best friend is dying. Well, i just got the call to go to hospital...Im Scared. He said not to come until morning, so that i can sleep, I CANT!!! We made a pack to be the next of kin for each other...we have fucktards for family. He asked me to bring his brother, i asked if that was neccessary, he said yes...he wants his brother and next of kin. I am terrified, what does that mean... i have lost my sister, my mama, but this is my best friend....this is the person that came out to me...this is the person that knows all about me. This is my childhood bestfriend, not many of us can say that. I have known him since i was 3...its a long time. Im scared. We have dreams to travel the world together...it wont happen, im doin it on my own. I love him with all my heart, he is my brother, not by blood, but by life.
Its hard to sum up in a paragraph what someone means to you or has impacted your life, but here it goes....He has given me strength, when no one good ever. He stood up to adversity when people were bashing him, he stood up and was proud of who is...can we all say that?
He gave me Love...when no one else could...he excepted me for who i was, no matter how much I fucked up in the eyes of the rest...he stood by me for who i am. When I had a child as a kid he stood by me and said i could do it. When my mama died...he said i could make it through it...i did. When my Twin died, he said i would survive...i did. When my life tanked he brought me up...i came through...what do i do now?
I survive again but without my best friend...I live the list we have made, its too early for me to do this...i really thought he would be around for a few more years....again im wrong. Again...Im Scared....What do I do now?
This is my best friend since i was 3....im just so scared i wont live up to what we should have done together....im terrified i have to say this is it...you have to go...no more...I dont know if i can be that friend. I dont want him to suffer but I dont know if i have the strength to say this is it.
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I'm a troublemaker,Never been a faker,Doing things my own way, And never giving up,I'm a troublemaker,Not a double taker, I don't have The patience, To keep it on the up
...yep that sums it up
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 10:49 am
I'm very sorry for all you're going through 
I don't know what to say to make the fear go away except that you WILL live up to all the things you wanted to do with your best friend. Don't forget that memories, especially the ones of powerful life-changing events, can give the strength needed to get through difficult situations...
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The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs - Alphonse de Lamartine
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 12:08 pm
My thoughts are with you and A this am TG.
Draw strength from what you two have shared and remember that it isnt goodbye... memories never fade.
Hope he caught his set...
Wil
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Please Click on My Sig
Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 4:50 pm
Perfectly normal to be scared, angry, upset. Like you said yourself, you WILL survive. It might sound corny, but try to celebrate his life, not mourn his death.
Stay strong.
Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 8:57 am
I have been through much the same stuff TG and what others have said is what I have found to be the most helpful and most true. Remember the good times, all the times he was there for you and all the times I am sure you were there for him, like you are now. Remember that the reason that you are so scared is that you have been lucky enough to have had someone in your life that means this much to you. I could tell you to be strong for him and to be there for him, but that obviously goes without saying in this case. You have made it perfectly clear that you are going to be there. Really, that is the truest definition of friend.
As you make your way through the next while, remember that you have a friend that is worth going through this over, remember as well, that the man you decided you are willing to go through this for, choose YOU as a friend. That speaks volumes about both of you.
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IF YOU DONT STAND BEHIND OUR TROOPS,
PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO STAND IN FRONT OF THEM
Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:35 pm
sweetheart i'm sending u all the courage i can.....i too am dealing with someone very dear who barely hanging on to life...i'm scared too TG....when the tapestry our our lives are woven so deeply into others lives....the threading never can come out easily....he will be still there tho a in invisible thread that help create the two of you ~namaste
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and a Californian at that!!!!
Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 6:09 pm
Thanks everyone for your kind and heartfelt thoughts and words...i will get through this...its just going to incredibly hard.
_________________
I'm a troublemaker,Never been a faker,Doing things my own way, And never giving up,I'm a troublemaker,Not a double taker, I don't have The patience, To keep it on the up
...yep that sums it up
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