Diary of a Fool

9 days to go till my trip. I am going to my parents in Reno for the holidays. I am going for the firstime in the 5 yrs that they have lived there. Time just came and went and there was just never any time or money. When since the seperation have have more time if not more money- thanks mom and dad for the ticket.

WHY,WHY,WHY anyone have the answers

Another night slowly closes in,
And I feel so lonely.
Touching heat freezing on my skin,
I pretend you still hold me.
Im going crazy, Im losing sleep.
Im in too far, Im in way too deep over you.
I cant believe youre gone.
You were the first, youll be the last.

Wherever you go, Ill be with you.
Whatever you want, Ill give it to you.
Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon.
Remember: after the fire, after all the rain,
I will be the flame.
I will be the flame.

Watching shadows move across the wall,
I feel so frightened.
I wanna run to you, I wanna call,
But Ive been hit by lightening.
Just cant stand up for fallin apart.
Cant see through this veil across my heart, over you.
Youll always be the one.
You were the first, youll be the last.

Wherever you go, Ill be with you.
Whatever you want, Ill give it to you.
Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon.
Remember: after the fire, after all the rain,
I will be the flame.
I will be the flame.


Im going crazy, Im losing sleep.
Im in too far, Im in way too deep over you.
Youll always be the one.
You were the first, youll be the last.

Wherever you go, Ill be with you.
Whatever you want, Ill give it to you.
Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon.
Remember: after the fire, after all the rain,
I will be the flame.
I will be the flame.

Whatever you want, Ill give it to you.
Wherever you go, Ill be with you.
And whatever you want, Ill give it to you.


This brings back memories of a Saturday nite in the Early summer so many years ago when we were in love and it didn't matter how long we had to wait for a table at that resturant at Harbourfont on the water. I love her still so much but I just can't live with her anymore (tears...) I just need the hurting to stop. it is killing me. I know what we are doing what is best for us in the longrun. But I still have to make there

Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green

And so castles made of sand fall in the sea, eventually

A little indian brave who before he was ten,
Played wargames in the woods with his indian friends
And he built up a dream that when he grew up
He would be a fearless warrior indian cheif
Many moons past and more the dream grew strong until
Tomorrow he would sing his first warsong and fight his first battle
But something went wrong, surprise attack killed him in his sleep that night

And so castles made of sand melts into the sea, eventually

There was a young girl, whos heart was a frown
cause she was crippled for life,
And she couldnt speak a sound
And she wished and prayed she could stop living,
So she decided to die
She drew her wheelchair to the edge of the shore
And to her legs she smiled you wont hurt me no more
But then a sight shed never seen made her jump and say
Look a golden winged ship is passing my way

And it really didnt have to stop, it just kept on going...

And so castles made of sand slips into the sea, eventually.

We all wish for things some good some bad, somethings for ourselves and some for others but in the end time washes away what we have tried to build or leave as a marker that we were here and tried to do something to make the world or our little corner of it a better place... We are not here (dirtside up) long enough to play games and worry about what others may think about our choices in life. Because if the ones around you are not going to be happy with what or whom you choose then why have them around or give them the choice to decide your happiness. Because if it comes down to being happy with your new...

[ Continued ]

Time marches on,Time waits for no man,Time heals all wounds. Are any of these true not sure but I do know that each day passes I am getting older and another grey hair pops out on my head. Sorry all you young guys I still have a full head of hair and if my father is something to go by I will have hair well into my 70's. My wife and I have decided to get a divorce as it is the best thing for us. It is better for us to part company as husband and wife and stay friends. We started off as friends and it is best that we try and stay friends. We went through alot during our marriage it is a wonder that we lasted 12 yrs. Looking back it is hard to miss the signs either we were blind or we were in love it would be nice to believe that we were in love. I think I will go with the love idea. We grew apart as people and headed in different directions and hurt each other in the process but now the hurting is over . I have started my own healing process and I hope that she does the same. We both have friends I just hope that she does not stand in the way of her own happiness because I dont plan too.