Diary of a Fool

I am still confused It has been almost 2 months since my wife and I seperated and still don't know what to do. We talk a couple times a week for a couple of minutes me because the sound of her voice has a calming effect for me when I am stressing at work - she calls when she needs my help with something she is trying to do or maybe just to hear me. We have been out to dinner twice in the last 2 weeks and for me it has been comforting in an otherwise painful time of my life. I know that she has been hurt by me and she continues to hurt also caused by me and I wish that I could just hug her and make the hurting stop. But that is way to simplistic a view to even dream of let alone happen- I wish that I could trun back the clock on the last 7-10 yrs and paid more attention to the signs and maybe we could have made changes in our life together so we both wouldn't be hurting so much today. I know deep down that she still loves me but she doesn't trust me and I don't know that I can ever get het to trust me again. We both have trust and other issues with each other that we are going to have to work on. She moved out officialy a week ago and the apartment is so empty I move out the end of this week and that will draw a close on this chapter of our lives together - it was a sad chapter that really needs to be over. The future ? I dont know, I know that I still love her in my own twisted way and when we talk or we are together I feel better till our brief time is over. We both have have bagage that will will have to work throught both together and apart if there is to be any future for us I hope that there is and hope is all that I have to keep me going these days...

Just retuned home to reality after trying to run away from it no such luck. Turned 38 this year and decided that I needed to fuck up myself and everyone around me why? I wish I knew (mid-life crisis). My partner in life and I have been having problems for awhile and we both were aware of them but it was me who decided to throw away our lives as we knew them to chase after a dream(fantasy). So I chased after my fantasy and it was good but the whole time that we were together I kept having memory flash backs of the last 18 yrs of both good and bad times. My new “friend” and I spoke at great lengths about our past lives and partners and I have began to question my decisions and actions. And the only question that I am looking to get answered is how do you say sorry to someone who you were supposed to spend your life with and discarded like a day old newspaper at quite possibly the worst time of their life? Anyone have a clue because it is obvious that I do not have one and may not for awhile.