Fanaholics,
I for one am getting pissed as frothy-fuck about the amount of absolute horse-shit which permeates most aspects of our daily lives. I'm not talking about monstrous horse-shit, like black-box voting, exit strategies or Hollywood's drunkest bitches whomping open their growlers for the paparazzi. I'm talking about the small things, the unavoidable things, the things which get right under your skin like an errantly thrown fish-line hook into that kid's cheek when I was demonstrating mad-casting skillz for the ladies at the pro-shop.
Things like...(I rule segues)
UN-EXPECT IT
The Ellen DeGeneres show is terrible. From the ground up, this is one hideous show that's like having a garbage bin of vomit and peach-pits dumped on you while your mouth is open. The new slogan advertising her current parody of television is "Un Expect It". How the fuck does somebody UNexpect something? Do I purge from my mind that Ellen is going to get better? But then I EXPECT Ellen to stay the same. Otherwise, I EXPECT that Ellen is going to try and improve her show. See, the sand in the vag here is that you just know there was a committee of boot-licking marketers struggling to come up with something original to promote Ellen's show. Can't show her dancing, that would retard children or trigger miscarriages. Can't hustle a bunch of clips of her astounding wit 'cuz...can't find 'em. Then, some skinny dude with over-sized box-frame glasses and ginch full of crabs barfs out "UN expect it!" Suddenly, a quiet falls over the room. "Genius!" proclaims the overweight ugly guy who compensates by having giant greasy hair. "Astounding" says another guy with pin-stripe beard that you could shave with a fucking eraser if he would just hold still long enough.
That's my problem. It's a soul-less phrase, concocted simply because it doesn't mean ANYTHING. It's instead left to you, the poor son-of-a-bitch...
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