Behavior Problems
There are few areas that raise more concern among parents than their child's behavior. While their pediatrician may be able to prescribe an antibiotic to cure a sore throat or an ear infection, solutions for childhood behavior problems are not nearly as clear-cut, nor is there a consensus on the best approach to discipline.
By definition, behavior is simply verbal and nonverbal communication. It is the conduct, actions, and words that children employ - a signal with which they express their thoughts, feelings, needs and impulses. It is judged as to whether it meets social, cultural, developmental and age-appropriate standards. Behavior can be positive or negative, impulsive or planned, predictable or unpredictable, consistent or inconsistent and it can elicit a wide range of positive or negative responses from others.
Through her behavior, your child may be trying to communicate messages like: "That's too difficult for me. . . . I'm afraid of failure. . . . I'm afraid of disappointing you. . . . I'm bored. . . . I'm tired. . . . I'm afraid of being rejected. . . . I want you to play with me. . . . I need you. . . . I want to please you. . . . I love you. . . . I want you to pay attention to me."
Attention, of course, is one of the most important things that children desire and seek from their parents. The attention they most want is the message that they are loved, valued, accepted and respected. Children will go to great extremes for the feeling that unconditional love is there for them.
Children will do whatever it takes to get recognition and to have their needs met. They quickly learn which kinds of behavior get their parents to respond to them and meet their needs, and if positive behavior doesn't work, they will turn to the negative. Even if their misbehavior gets them a negative reaction (such as being scolded), any recognition is better than none, in the eyes of children.
Behavior, then, does not occur in isolation....
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