kitty's claws

What happens to us is not as important as how we respond.

Yesterday as i was arriving at my sister's for a BBQ, i could hear the sirens in the street. Not once did I think they were going to the same place i was. Two fire trucks, an Ambulance and the EMS arrived at her door at the same time i did. i ran in and found my sister in HUGE pain, unable to breathe easily, with heart palpitations and sweating until she was soaked surrounded by our family who was operating in PANIC mode.

It would unfair of me to say that they shouldn’t panic but at least one person could have been calm enough to follow the doctor’s recommendations rather than freaking out and further aggravating the situation.

i’m tired of being the one they look to handle these situations. i am tired of being the strong one, the positive one, the smart one, the sane one, the one, the only one. i am one…one person. i am not allowed to cry or show any emotion that might make them afraid that the situation is worse than they think. The truth is sometimes i just want to cry and have someone comfort me. But i don't.

The external events of my life are largely beyond my control. i did not choose my parents, the historical period in which i live, or the flow of other circumstances including my sister’s cancer, which shapes my experience. These are givens. i did not select them, but i can choose how i will react to them, and in that choice lies my freedom and responsibility.

Instead of complaining about the hand i've been dealt, i have to concentrate on playing it well. This is how i exercise my freedom.

my responsibility is to do the best i can with what i have and to remember that i am only responsible for my own actions and not those of others.

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