To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
- Henri Bergson

I've heard that two of the most stressful things are divorce and moving. Add a new job, major travel plans and massive debt and I think I've got 5 of the top 6 going on right now.

I started a new job/career in March, then bought a townhouse shortly after. Four days after we move in, we head to Europe for the World Gymnaestrada in Austria. We're taking an extra two weeks to visit family in Norway, and when we return, I have 2 weeks vacation before I go back to work. I'll miss the pay cheques, but the time off will be good to really get settled in our new home. I plan to buy a lot of new furnishings, and the kids are happily planning what they want in their new rooms. My daughter is thrilled that she'll have a walk-in closet, my son is angling for a TV of his own, and I'm looking forward to my new en-suite, which is easily as big as my current bedroom.

Before we move though, we have to clear out 20 years of accumulated "stuff" in our house. There's far too much house and yard for me to take care of, and it's time to move on, anyway. Life doesn't remain still, it constantly changes, and you either adapt or you're left behind wondering what happened. I've done my time wondering what I'm going to do with my life - now it's time to act on all the decisions I made and see where they take me.

I hope I like it there.

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Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.[/align]

I look forward to the day when I'm old and can say what I want when I want.

When I was a little girl, I was quiet and did what I was told. I was happiest curled up on a chair with a good book and a bowl of fruit at my side. I was my step-grandfather's favourite because I was quiet, but also because I genuinely loved him, ornery ol' cuss that he was. I didn't stick up for myself much because I was shy and didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I envied my older brother and younger sister for their ability to open their mouths and let the words fall out, consequences be damned. The few times I made a conscious effort to assert myself I ended up feeling guilty because someone felt hurt.

Around grade 8 or 9, I started to change. I spoke up more often, and was surprised at how much I could...

[ Continued ]

Applying for a passport - what a lovely way to spend my day off.

I arrived at the Surrey passport office at noon to find a line outside the building. After ensuring this was indeed the correct line, I took my place at the end to wait. Every 15 minutes or so everyone would take a few steps forward, only to stop and wait some more. After a little over an hour, I reached the door, and shortly afterwards the commissionaire escorted the next group of 10 into the building and onto the elevator which took us to the 9th floor and into yet another (shorter) line.

Glancing up, I spotted a bright pink sign that said if I wanted to pick up my passport (in 2 weeks), I would need to have proof of travel - an airline ticket. huh. The whole reason I went there today is because I need the passport ASAP, since they need my passport number to book my flight ticket. This would be problem #1 for me today.

Finally it was my turn - I took out my documents, handed them to the lady..... only to have my kids' applications handed back to me since they weren't completely in order. Problem #2. One section had to be filled in by their Dad, and he only mailed me that page, which didn't match the page I had filled in (one was d-loaded from the 'net, the other was from the post office) So now I have to d-load the other page myself, fill it in, and have my guarantor sign it - again - and then take it back in next week. At least I don't have to stand in the big line outside again, since she gave me an orange piece of paper that allows me to go directly upstairs.

Deciding that since I was there anyway I might as well complete the process for my own passport, I took a seat and waited for my number to be...

[ Continued ]

Way back in English 11, we each had to memorize and recite a monologue from Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice". Most chose Portia's "The Quality of Mercy" speech, but I liked Shylock:

I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.

My main reason for choosing this one was so I couldn't be compared to anyone else, but the more I recited it, the more I felt drawn to it. I know there are several undercurrents in the speech - relations between Christians and Jews weren't the best at that time - but as a teenager it made me think about how under the skin, we're more alike than we realize. Children are ego-centric, and most of us outgrow that. Some, however, never do, or they choose to return to that blissful time in childhood where everything revolved around their needs and of course their actions had no effect on anyone around them.

Strength is an illusion.
We all bleed when we're pricked, whether you can see it or not.

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I've been at my dream job for a week and a half now and I absolutely love it! The people are great, it's within walking distance of my house, and it's a place I can be proud to tell people I work there. Of course, the fact that I'm making more than I expected, and even hoped, is not too bad either. I get great holidays - a week at spring break, 2 weeks in the summer and another week or 2 during Christmas. The only downside is the 2 weeks in summer are right after I get back from Europe, so I'll have to get a temp to cover for me.

The first week I did mostly assisting - restorations, crown prep/insertion, endo (root canals) and extractions. This week I'll be busier with kids' recalls - cleanings, fluorides and x-rays. I had a difficult patient today with an extreme dental fear. The little darling refused to get in the chair, refused to lay back, refused to open his mouth....

We got through it, and I'm actually looking forward to next September to see if he's any better.

This working thing is expensive though. Before I even started, I had to get (and then renew) my licence, register with the College of Dental Surgeons, pay for membership in my association (CDABC), pay to attend the Pacific Dental Conference, the NDAEB exam...... and the kicker is, after buying several new sets of scrubs, I just found out that we're going to start wearing uniforms, in camel, olive and while, 3 colours that don't suit me at all.

Oh well. I love working where I am, and the best part? After months of being unemployed, my opinion is suddenly worth more, simply because I have a job.