the flower bed

Why do we have to wait for special moments to say nice things or tell people we care about them?
- Randy K. Milholland

When I was in Norway visiting family, I'd get asked everywhere we went how everyone was doing. The first few times, I gave the stock answer that people usually expect... "everyone's fine". After a bit, it occurred to me that it's different... people were asking not out of politeness but because they wanted an update, so I ran the various branches of the family through my head, making sure that they knew about Auntie Vi's death (yes) and Mum's broken elbow (no). I told them that Susie's MS was worse and that Paul was a Grampa now. I gave them happy news and sad news, and got updates on all of them as well, to tell everyone once I returned home.

Why do we rattle off a distracted "fine" when asked, and why do we not really listen when others answer? Do we really want to know? Are we really interested? If not, which seems the case, why do we even bother to ask in the first place?

Maybe it's because of my recent holiday and maybe I'm still in a relaxed and reflective mood, but I've been thinking a lot lately about the people and things that are most important to me. Too often we rush through our daily lives, thinking we'll take time "later" to do something special for ourselves or someone we care about. But when is this "later" we're all waiting for?

Things are happening, and changes are occurring. Some I'm ready for, others... not so much. My son's voice is changing and he's growing up right before my eyes. He's a good 2" taller than me... but he's still my little boy in so many ways. My daughter is so out-going and cheery, that I don't always "see" when she's upset and hurting over something, either real or imagined. I'm trying to pay more attention though, because I know how fleeting these moments are, and that it won't be much longer before both of them won't "need" me... at least, they won't think so.

My son broke a saucer and my daughter spilled a drink, and both of them waited for me to get mad at them. It made me think... really, it's no big deal, so why is the first reaction so often one of anger? Why is it so much easier to get angry with people and let them know we're upset than it is to smile and hand out random unexpected compliments?

I've resolved (again) to tell people what I think of them... the good stuff, I mean. I have a wonderful family and great friends, but I don't tell them often enough, and I plan to change that.


Of course, I'd also like to hear someone tell me I'm special too, but I can only control my own feelings and reactions.

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