newfetteland

I've been pretty down lately. nothing in particular is causing it, just a general lack of anything happy.

trying to be happy and supportive of a friend yet being strong enough to change my own life is proving to be rather difficult.

I was SO looking forward to moving and getting out of this place but as i'm learning that's not as easy as it seems. and when all your hopes come to a screeching hault not only does it sting a little but its that much harder to get going again.

so L (the girl I was going to move with) is having issues selling her house. so she ended up firing her real estate agent. which in turn caused her to take the house off the market for a month before she can list with someone else. which is a real kick in the pants cause the sale of the house is the major thing thats holding us back.. or so i though.

she now wants to try and join the RCMP. she tried once before but couldn't pass the physical.

now dont get me wrong I love this girl like she was my own sister. hell i tell her things that I dont even tell my own sister. she is probably the best and most honest friend i've EVER had and i support her 1000% percent on this. I think shed be one of the most kick ass little cops EVER! but being selfish i'm kinda pissy about the whole thing.

I mean not to me does it mean we aren't moving this summer, but she's training for 10 weeks for the physical part of the process, ok that puts us at the middle of august. once accecpted (if she passes everything which i'm sure she will) a friend of hers who is a cop says they are starting some new program where she could be sent to the whole training thing in as little as three months, and then shes there for 6 months. and then after that theres no guarentee that she'd be posted in ottawa....

so with all that said. If i wait for her that means i'm still going to be here for another year to find out where she gets posted. and i do NOT want to be here another year. but i can't afford to live in a city by myself....

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so I just dont get it.

I'm about as straight forward upfront kinda person as you're gonna get. I dont see the point in playing games or hiding how i feel about something... but sadly more often then not that means I'm the one that gets hurt.

why would you pretend you wanted something when you dont, or if you DO want something why pretend that it doesn't exist? what gratification do you get from acting this way? does it make you feel better about yourself to know that someone out there wants you and you get to fuck with that person? does that make you feel good about yourself? i dont get it... why not just be honest. theres no doubt of whats going on on my end.. either you want the same thing or you dont. it really isn't that fucking hard. and i'm ok with the dont part... just tell me. but then don't sulk because you can't find exactally what you are looking for when you just pushed it away...

i mean is it such a bad thing to just want someone to want me? and not the fake me that people pretend to know... the real me. the one that would walk to the ends of the earth for the one she loves. the one that will always be there and will always be the one that tries everything to keep a smile on your face... the one with the heart thats been trampled a million times but keeps putting it out there because it believe that not all people can abuse it...


little did i know how wrong i could be....


so where does this leave me... little ol me who just can't stop getting trampled no matter what i do. one tiny person in this big ol world that has no one...

and i know the people who care will read this and tell me that they care and I know that its genuine and i do appreciate it but its not the same.

I so despratly want that person to come home to. that person to curl up and watch a movie or a rain storm with... someone who i can just be with. and i just have to keep telling myself that theres no way that i was such a horrible person in a past life that...

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Ok

Holy freaking wow… what a weekend.


I had a great drive out. The roads were wet but the rain had stopped for the most part making it a good drive… apparently I like to speed though… I stopped twice and because of that there are some people that I was able to pass three times… *snickers*. So I picked up Emily (the girl I was staying with) from work and we headed to the mall to do a little shopping before we got down to some serious partying.

I only picked up a few things, some earring and a necklace…. And oh yes… the booze

We get home and the girls came over and we started on the drinks. And lets just say they got hit pretty hard. There was some dancing… there was some shots straight from the bottle and there was some ass slapping… hahaha

From there we headed downtown! Had the best cab driver EVER I don’t really remember why he was so cool... but I know he was. And he told me that when I posted his pic on facebook that I needed to post it as Dick the most kick ass cab driver ever.

So we get downtown and the first place they take me to is a karaoke bar. Thankfully I was too drunk to actually make it on stage… I was however serenaded… and what girl doesn’t love that.

So we left the karaoke bar and went to a different bar where we had so much fun dancing… apparently I started to fall over and some guy caught me. I THINK I told him it was my birthday and that’s why I was falling over and then the next thing I know he’s there with shots… so we hung out there for a while and we go to the next bar where apparently someone peed in a sink…. Yeah I didn’t see it but I remember being told not to wash my hands in one of the sinks… lol man people do some effed up things when the are drinking.

So I think in total we made it to 10 or 12 bars… I know I had at least one drink in each (this is in addition to the flask of spiced rum I drank before we left) and I was doing shots with random people all night… and I had a blast and loved every minute of i...

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well happy march!

man this year is flying by and with all the upcoming plans I am completely ok with that!

so when I left you last my boss/friend had dropped a bombshell on me saying that she was planning on moving away from the company and that she wanted me to move with her. well I decided that I'm gonna move to Ottawa with her!

I mean i was moving to st johns anyways.. I'm still moving.. just a couple of provinces in the other direction. I can't even begin to tell you how super freaking stoked i am. I've always wanted to spend Canada Day on parliament hill and I'm FINALLY gonna get to do that this year!

we have all kinds of road trips planned AND i'm FINALLY gonna get to see my first NHL game.. i cannot wait.

OH have i mentioned that I'm freaking stoked to move???

what else was going on in newfetteland last month..

still no work from my dad which is not surprising to me. what's going to be interesting to see is if he decides he wants to talk to me now that i'm moving away, i've told my grandparents (his parents) that I'm moving out of the province and my aunt(his sister) is gonna find out on monday so I'm sure he'll hear it from one of em... and the way i'm going to approach this is if he doesn't talk to me before i move then i'll know where he stands and i can move on. and while i know that may be harsh for some people to hear that its what needs to happen... the ball is in his court and has been there for going on 8 months.

work sucks right now. i have no staff and I'm sick as a dog. well i do have staff but they need to be trained. i cannot wait till they get trained so i can run away for a weekend and not have to worry about whats going on around here.

still single.. and still ok with that... buzz boy from new years really turned out to be a douche. he left me a message in my honestly box on facebook (yes i know to take this with a grain of salt) and it makes me chuckle that someone who claims to be so sure of himself and knows exactly...

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i mean holy fuck...

ok

so my boss and i were talking this morning like we normally do.. having a random conversation.. i was telling her how i hated that i couln't reach my printer from my desk and i told her i wanted go go gadget arms... she retorted with i want a million dollars.. so then i jokingly said if you had a million dollars would you buy me go go gadget arms.. lol she told me no but she would move us somewhere far away from all the shit we deal with from the owner.. and somewhere warmer..


ok enough of the i said she said..

fast forward a few hours, we talk all the time about moving away together. lol no not in the lesbian kinda way, in a way where shes my best friend adn she wants me to move with her.. but anyways.. i jokingly said to her that if she was ever to leave the company that i would require 6 months notice so that i could get my ducks in a row becuase i will not work at this company without her as a buffer cause the owner is a freaking high maitenance nut job..

he is the reason i was so wary about working for this company in st johns cause hes insane and has no filter when he freaks at you and frankly for 9 bucks an hour its not worth it.

so i get a message on my blackberry this afternoon asking if i want to know a secret. and of course i say yes. and she was like "i'm giving you the 6 months notice that you asked for"

WTF

turns out she's given herself 6 months to work out the details and get out. so we chatted about the reasons and that she wants me to move with her.

so NOW after all teh stress i had two weeks ago about wither or not i was going to stay with company when i moved or make the jump to corporate, that option just flew out the window.

i'm not faced with the decision of do i want to move to southern ontairo with my friend, or so i still move to st johns and work for corporate.

theres just so much to think about.. holy fuck