newfetteland

so it's February First.

the start of a new month and i was thinking about the month that passed. what a roller coaster or a month. to the point that sometimes i wonder how I'm still sane (if i was ever sane) but how i was able to keep it all together.

so I rang in the new year like no other before, with a night that i will never forget. and then crashed pretty hard when i realized that most guys are assholes and even though i let down my walls and let one in, he didn't deserve it and in turn caused my to build a stronger wall. i'd like to think the next guy will have a tougher time getting to me but I know that's not true. cause deep down i'm a hopeless romantic and I will always jump first think later. I want the fairy tale and the romantic comedy life and to do that i can't be the jaded girl i'm fighting so hard not to become.

so then everything was going great. I was happy, I was making great progress at the gym, working was going good... and then the 19th came along and hit me like a ton of bricks.

what was the 19th you ask?? it was officially 6 months since i last spoke to my dad. I've never really talked a lot about it with anyone on here (a few people know the details but not many) and while i know it's hard for some people to understand what's going on and why i dont just go to him its not that simple but that's another rant for another day. but i still can't believe its been 6 months and nothing. all i got was a christmas card under my door in that time. and it breaks my heart to know that my dad knows nothing about me any more (unless my grandma has filled him in). he doesn't know that i've quit smoking or that I'm addicted to the gym (both things i know he's be proud about) but the big thing is he doesn't know i'm moving this year. but on the flip side.. i didn't know he was injured at work to the point that he can't work or that he's dating a new woman.... apparently these are things that an estranged daughter doesn't need to know.

the week after that my best friend(and my boss) went on vacation and i missed her terribly and my week was horrible. it didn't feel right to know that i was coming to work every morning and she wasn't going to be there for our 10:30 coffee phone call.. and on top of that i was having a staffing crisis and a mid life job crisis... but i got through it all and she bought me a present when she was away(i have a scarf fetish and she saw one that reminded her of me.. i dont have it yet but I'm super excited to get it)

so she came home, and we had a good chat about what i was going to do work wise when it come to debating staying or switching to corporate and she brought a lot of things to the situation that i never would have considered so i feel a lot better about that whole situation.

and then February hits and the shit hits the fan again with my staff... all i can say is his last week is gonna be a fucking week from hell.

g