Wolf Within

In such trying times, I've contacted some of my old buds in Montreal - I don't think anyone can imagine the situation, we all have our problems, yet to be continuosly treated like I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about, like I haven't had a 30 yr career and misjudged, by folks who don't know me, no matter what I say or even when documents are produced that say otherwise, treat everything like a lie! The best part is, not one person has caught me in a lie in the 7 yrs here - because I DON'T lie! This is THE most abusive and degrading situation I have ever been in - ever!

So-o many losses and such destructive and demoralizing times - all based off of opinions - one track minds no mattrer what is presented to them!
Homesick and in need of folks who KNOW me, who KNOW what I've done in my past and who KNOW that the ONLY time, I get my panties in a knot is when I witness continual bashing and debasing, only this time, it's been directed at me.

I contacted the gent who originally got me into working with kids when I was in my early 20's - the thing with me is when I make a "friend" it is for life and most of the people in my personal circle, have known me for 20-30 years - I don't treat friendships like they are disposable - but precious - because they are! Obtaining friends for so long says something in itself and he sorta suggested that he'll have some free time at the endo f the next two weeks and has tons of air miles, I'd be embaressed for him to see how low my life has gone here, but his whole family WAS like family to me and I could sure use a good talking to and some encouraging and positive direction - I can't believ how beat up I feel! I can take a lot of shit and am a pretty confident person, but this has all gone on for too long and something needs to happen to set things back where they should be.
Funny, it's not the animals making me all the problems, it's people.
People and their contagious attitudes - flaunting papers they printed off the "net" that in fact, they themselves had wrote when I was hacked! I mean c'mon, bashing the local vet and his receptionists, when at that point in time, we'd never met!! Only shows how - whoever wrote that crap - assumed that I was conversing with the local vet - it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out! And the other peculiar fact is, they seem to know exactly where to look! gees, I wonder why!

Anyhow, my bud called me last week and I missed the call, was busy tending to the crew, packing and cleaning - he's a traveller, teaches at McGill University in Mtl, has saved countries from financial downfalls, married to a business woman and they are often somewhere around the world - well when I heard his voice - I embraced my cell and cried like a baby! To hear his voice and why he was calling, just allowed me to let loose - someone who KNOWS me and who KNOWS that I never meant anyone any harm and I'm just trying to do my own thing and live my life!
Someone who cares! What a nice change. I have even felt humiliated in front of my own daughter who keeps saying, "it's ok Mom, I know that none of this should have ever happened. I know what you are capable of and don't worry" and then I look at my grandson's face, who in the past 6 years has seen all of this as a "lifestyle" as oppposed to "just going through a bad time - how can either my daughter or myself explain that this is the mentality we've been dealing with and that it's not normal~ I've been disgraced in front to my family and collegues - not nice!

I received an email from my bud again this morning - and he has directed me to a woman he knows in Calgary, who lives between Calgary and Montreal, she was his teaching assistant at McGill University and if he has directed me to someone, I know that something good will come of it! "Something" is certainly better than the tail spin I've been in - alone.

It'll be a busy week, one that I need to be in 3 places at a time and the worst is, when I'm upset, the animals feel it and react! I know that some have permanent kidney damage from the recalled foods, they are alive and walking but they seem to be very sensiitive to any kind of food I've fed them and some are still vomitting and have diahrea - the tension in the house is certainly not helping.

A Vet Tech I was fortunate enough to meet a few years ago, online at that, has been of tremendous help the past few days, I turned to her for advice and backing with Huckster - who by the way, shows no blood traces in his urine yet today and I will be removing the catheter from his penis later on tonight. I'll get him into the Vet first thing tomorrow afternoon when the vet is at this county clinic. But there are others who are showing blood in their urine and I can't believe that things haven't stabalized! Just one thing after another.

The Airport Hanger I got so excited about, is no longer an option, the guy has changed his mind and wants 4 cats - for free, to throw into the hangers and leave fend for themselves - now I ask myself - how and why such a change of heart!

And for the life of me I can't understand what gives them the right to be offended that I ONLY do companion animals - they expect me to respect that they have barn cats and I expect the same respect, but what it appears to all boil down to - is again - control - give me - I want and I'll take and when they can't they become even more challenging! Good grief, have they nothing else to pick on?!
GOSSIP and MALICE is the only answer I can come up with, so I must look for another property if the Government doesn't get back to me this week.

Time is ticking and I want the hell out of here and into my own place, in my own space, to be able to shower, to wash my clothes, to flush my toilet, to be warm and with those who care about me. What shameful, hurtful times.Another experience to remind me of the humble simplicity that we all need in our lives.