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CKA Uber
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2018 3:34 pm
 


100 years ago, everybody had a horse and only rich people had a car.

Today, everybody has a car and only rich people have a horse.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2018 3:37 pm
 


A lot of conflicts would have been solved in the wild West if they'd built the towns bigger.


Last edited by raydan on Sat Feb 17, 2018 8:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:25 am
 


raydan wrote:
100 years ago, everybody had a horse and only rich people had a car.

Today, everybody has a car and only rich people have a horse.

That is so true... 8O


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2018 8:01 pm
 


How do you piss off a female archaeologist?
Hand her and old tampon and ask if she can identify what period it came from...


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CKA Uber
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 18, 2018 11:46 am
 


Me Too" Movment - Another Victim


Unfortunate! Another victim of #MeToo .......................

The son of a good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training, has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.


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CKA Uber
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2018 3:33 am
 


One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, “Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to ten….. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”

The mother responds, “Very good honey.” The blonde asks, “Is that because I’m a blonde mommy?” And the mother responds, “Yes dear.”

Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, “Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! …. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!”

The mother says, “Very good honey.” The blonde then asked. “Is that because I’m a blonde, Mommy?” The mother responds, “Yes dear.”

The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I’m a blonde, Mommy?”
 And the mother responds, “No Honey, it’s because you’re twenty five.”


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 6:16 pm
 


A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb To temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said,

"Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

:wink: :wink:


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:33 pm
 


With all the spam lately, this is relevant...

So I got an interesting offer today. I was offered a weekend of wild sex with a Victoria's Secret Model if I would surreptitiously advertise a Household Product in forums here on CKA Naturally, I declined, being of high-moral character and strong willpower. Willpower as strong as Ajax Tub and Tile Cleaner, now available in a spray mist format and in new vanilla- and Fresh Spring Breeze scent concentrates. You can pick up Ajax Foaming cleaner at your local WalMart, Walgreens or you can order on Amazon for free shipping.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:45 pm
 


Enjoy your weekend, not that I have any problems with that. 8O

Image


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:07 pm
 


A little silver haired lady calls her neighbor and says,
"Please come ove here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw
puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her neighbor asks,
"What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says,
"According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster".

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces
into anything resembling a rooster".

He takes her hand and says,
"Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea and then,"
he said with a deep sigh..........

"Let's put all them Corn Flakes back in the box".


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:40 pm
 


During the 1973 Yom Kippur War an Israeli observer is spotted spying on the position of an Arab armor formation.

The general in charge orders a platoon of crack soldiers to deal with the pesky Jew.

They don't come back.

He then orders a full brigade assault on the position.

They don't come back, either.

In frustration he orders his whole armored division to assault the wicked Jew's position and to utterly annihilate him!

The next day one bloodied, bedraggled man comes back.

The general is furious! "Report!" he demands!

"Sir, it was an ambush...there were two of them!"


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2018 12:51 am
 


A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500," replied the man. "Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!" :D


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2018 1:06 am
 


A man approached the Holy Prophet Muhammad (May Peace and Blessings be upon him) and asked him for a camel ride.

The Prophet said, “I would give you a camel’s child”.

The man said, “O Messenger of Allah. What will I do with a camel’s child?”

The Prophet smiled and said, “Is there any camel who is not the progeny of a camel?”

---------------

Dictionary is the place where success comes before work and death comes before life.

:)


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2018 8:28 am
 


Keanu Reeves is actually Jesus. :lol:


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 8:41 pm
 


A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening auto mechanic classes and attended diligently, learning all she could.

When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%.

Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting.”

The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the exhaust pipe...


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