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PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2018 1:52 pm
 


A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform... I'll give you exactly 15 min."

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2018 10:00 am
 


An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

"Father…During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2018 11:18 am
 


:D Had to share that one with the relatives!


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2018 2:51 pm
 


The first time I heard that joke was about 50 years ago. :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2018 4:48 pm
 


The Six Miracles of Socialism

1. There is no unemployment, but no one works

2. No one works, but everyone gets paid

3. Everyone gets paid, but there is nothing to buy with the money

4. No one can buy anything, but everyone owns everything

5. Everyone owns everything but no one is satisfied and

6. No one is satisfied, but 99% of the people vote for the system


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2018 6:13 pm
 


That's Not Funny, That's Sick #347


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 12:48 am
 


A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”

The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”

The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I’m voting for Trump."

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
And THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days!


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 5:39 am
 


Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say.

:lol:


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 9:08 am
 


Fighter wrote:
Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say.

:lol:


ROTFL


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 11:13 am
 


This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 11:20 am
 


An oldie but a goodie! [B-o]


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 9:31 pm
 


BartSimpson wrote:
Fighter wrote:
Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say.

:lol:


ROTFL


:)


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 6:34 am
 


Want to hear a joke about Sodium?

Na.

Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite?

NaBrO


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 3:36 pm
 


Will you be telling more chemistry jokes, or will it be a periodical thing?


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 5:32 pm
 


When chemists die, they barium.


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