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CKA Uber
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 5:34 pm
 


I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.



I can't put it down.


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CKA Uber
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 5:54 pm
 


You MATTER!!!


Until you multiply yourself times the speed of light squared.

Then you ENERGY.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2018 5:47 am
 


raydan wrote:
Will you be telling more chemistry jokes, or will it be a periodical thing?


I was thinking math jokes, but they might be divisive.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 10:45 am
 


Dear Abby,

My husband hasn't worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. I know he's cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his granddaughters. I know this because he brags about this to me. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive liquor day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he tells me he knows I`m a lesbian and besides that, my varicose veins and fat behind turns him off.

Should I clobber him with something heavy, or should I just leave him? Your advice would be appreciated.

Sincerely, Mad as Hell


Dear Mad as Hell,

You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p.! Don`t resort to violence and try to act more like a lady.

Remember, you were almost elected President of the United States, so try acting like one.

Abby


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 3:41 pm
 


3 guys are in a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but they don't have anything at all to light them... what do they do?







They throw one away so the boat becomes 1 cigarette lighter.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 3:50 pm
 


Ba-dump-bump! :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:38 pm
 


That was horrible, wasn't it.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 5:48 pm
 


raydan wrote:
That was horrible, wasn't it.

Yup.

But, it made me giggle and groan equally so all is well. :D


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2018 12:08 pm
 


US Senator Chuck Schumer was visiting a Washington D.C. primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked Mr Schumer if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.

So Mr Schumer asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'

A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing' in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'

'Incorrect,' said Schumer. 'That would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.'

'I'm afraid not', explained Schumer, 'that's what we would refer to as a great loss'.

The room went silent. No other children volunteered.

Schumer searched the room.

'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand and said: 'If a plane carrying you and Mrs. Pelosi and The Obama’s and Mrs. Clinton was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic' exclaimed Schumer, 'and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'

'Well', said Johnny, 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a f**king accident either!'


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2018 12:55 pm
 


Communist jokes are not funny unless everybody gets it.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2018 9:54 am
 


LONDON (AP) Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings, has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote.

General Secretary Abdullah Aloud Bhang told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Aisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to Rosie O'Donnell; many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2018 1:32 pm
 


Rosie O'Donnell

ROTFL ROTFL


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2018 4:30 pm
 


This is the first joke that I haven't heard before in something like 4 years... thanks for that, Bart. :lol:


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2018 10:30 pm
 


--------


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2018 2:03 am
 


Good one [B-o]


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