[DrCaleb]

A Canadian visits the US and gets held at gunpoint by a stranger.

The stranger says, "give me all your money and I'll let you live!"

The Canadian replies gleefully, "Oh! You must be what they call a doctor!"

[DrCaleb]

Dad: Son, I killed 12 people in Afghanistan.

Son: Dad you were a cook.

Dad: Never said I was a good one

[raydan]

I told my granddad how I loved the way he treated my grandma, calling her honey/sweetie/love and other terms of endearment all the time.

He leaned down and whispered to me, "I forgot her name 7 years ago and I'm too scared to ask her".

[Strutz]

/\

[DrCaleb]

[DrCaleb]

Most people will listen to your unreasonable demands, if you'll consider their unacceptable offer.

[DrCaleb]

How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

FIFTEEN!! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

[DrCaleb]

Thieves broke into my shop and stole 15 cases of Red Bull.

I don't know how these people sleep at night.

[DrCaleb]

Old Lady says to her husband "My joints are really tight."

Old Man says "Roll them looser then."

[DrCaleb]

Heisenberg, Schrödinger, and Ohm are on a road trip, and they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

“No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies.

The cop says “You were going 80 miles an hour.” Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts “Great! Now I’m lost!”

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”

“We do now, asshole!” shouts Schrödinger.

The cop tries to arrest them.

Ohm resists.

[DrCaleb]

What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracadabrador.

[DrCaleb]

I love "technically true" jokes, like:

If everybody in the world held hands around the equator, most of them would drown.

Or

Did you know that after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is still filled with water?

Or

There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.

Or

People eat more bananas than monkeys.

Or

Cannibalism would simultaneously solve over population and world hunger!

[Strutz]

Some good ones lately DrC!

[DrCaleb]

What is heavier; a tonne of bricks or a tonne of feathers?

A tonne of feathers, because you have to live with what you did to those poor chickens.

[DrCaleb]

Nobody was scared when the clown invasion started at the beach.


"I mean, it’s just one boat" they said. "How bad can it be?".