[ShepherdsDog]

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story .
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side....
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1 Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1.. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight....which is like camping...something we enjoy.

[Brenda]

Quote:

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

You mean 7 seconds, right?

Quote:

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

Then say it the other way

Quote:

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

If I remember correctly, he got lost. And so do you if you dont listen to us.

[wildrosegirl]

Apparently all those years of being a Tomboy rubbed off. I agree with a lot of those.

'Cept for: "Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. "

Ol' Columbo also thought the world was flat. Occasionally, you do need to be corrected. That's where the estrogen comes in.

[KorbenDeck]

Brenda wrote:

Quote:

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

If I remember correctly, he got lost. And so do you if you dont listen to us.

Yes but what he found was so much better, so instead of going to the in laws we end up at a strip joint.

[Brenda]

KorbenDeck wrote:

Brenda wrote:

Quote:

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

If I remember correctly, he got lost. And so do you if you dont listen to us.

Yes but what he found was so much better, so instead of going to the in laws we end up at a strip joint.

And you want to take your wife and kids there instead of the beach because....

[KorbenDeck]

Brenda wrote:

And you want to take your wife and kids there instead of the beach because....

Perfect place for "The Talk"

[herbie]

14) Sex is a sport in the eyes of a man. That means the one that comes first is the winner. Rolling over and going to sleep is a form of politeness, we'd really like to jump up and down yelling "Loser!!! Beat ya by a mile!!"

[SprCForr]

Brenda wrote:

You mean 7 seconds, right?

No.

Quote:

Then say it the other way

See Rule 1: We are not mind readers.

Quote:

If I remember correctly, he got lost. And so do you if you dont listen to us.

Myth, just like girls think about sex all the time.

This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

[mywork08]

The story of a very short man

A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.

The bartender asks "He can drink?"

"Oh, sure. He can drink."

So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

"That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"

The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.

The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"

The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"

[PostFactum]

Hate clothes asking:) And trying new of it, especially when I don't need a new.

[PublicAnimalNo9]

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... And it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever..... Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
A) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
B) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
C) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (I.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.


We hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd

[martin14]

[andyt]

I'm sorry, but I can't help myself watching women's ice skating. When they skate backwards like that, with their butt out and the little skirt fluttering away, I think that's some pretty good athleticism right there.

Actually pairs aren't too bad either - I'm always waiting for him to slip when he's lifting her above his head with one hand, and see if he can actually make that hand disappear. That would certainly rate a ten, as long as she's not crying too hard.

Plus it earns me points, 'cause I'm smart enough to keep the above thoughts to myself. Bonus points for saying how you like the sequins on her dress.

Sorry to let the side down guys, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

[KorbenDeck]

andyt wrote:

I'm sorry, but I can't help myself watching women's ice skating. When they skate backwards like that, with their butt out and the little skirt fluttering away, I think that's some pretty good athleticism right there.

Actually pairs aren't too bad either - I'm always waiting for him to slip when he's lifting her above his head with one hand, and see if he can actually make that hand disappear. That would certainly rate a ten, as long as she's not crying too hard.

Plus it earns me points, 'cause I'm smart enough to keep the above thoughts to myself. Bonus points for saying how you like the sequins on her dress.

Sorry to let the side down guys, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Once a man is married he is no longer a man but a soulless shadow of a man who existed in a former time.

[PublicAnimalNo9]

andyt wrote:

I'm sorry, but I can't help myself watching women's ice skating. When they skate backwards like that, with their butt out and the little skirt fluttering away, I think that's some pretty good athleticism right there.

Actually pairs aren't too bad either - I'm always waiting for him to slip when he's lifting her above his head with one hand, and see if he can actually make that hand disappear. That would certainly rate a ten, as long as she's not crying too hard.

Plus it earns me points, 'cause I'm smart enough to keep the above thoughts to myself. Bonus points for saying how you like the sequins on her dress.

Sorry to let the side down guys, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

I guess I'm lucky. My wife hates figure skating/ice dancing even more than I do