[Motorcycleboy]

In the tradition of such political novels as "Wag the Dog" and "Primary Colours" I feel the need to provide some insight into the inner workings of the Canadian Federal Liberal Party. Of course, I'm not a member. But I don't think many out there will think me far off in my assessment.

Today, I will be providing a dramatized version of the events leading up to the appointment of our new GG, seperatist CBC personality, Michael Jean.


Martin: "Good day Cabinet. At the top of today's agenda, we need a new GG. Anne, what do you think?"

Mclellan: "Mr PM, western alienation is at an all time high. If something isn't done to address it, we could see an upswing in western seperatist sentiment. More importantly however, a failure to deal with it adequately could cost me MY seat in Edmonton!"

Martin looked down at his briefing notes and his jowels jiggled. He looked lost for a moment, but then he looked up. "People. I don't think you understand. This government is REALLY HITTING ITs STRIDE! We are standing up for Canadians!"

Health Minister Ujal Dosanjh, who until this time had been ignoring everyone else at the meeting and yelling vulgar Punjabi words into a cellphone at an unidentified recipient stopped abruptly and looked up.

"Mr Martin, this just won't do. You can't just reply to every problem with a series of empty platitudes and expect our problems to go away. That might wash with the Canadian public, but you can't do it in Cabinet. We demand answers. Besides, my seat's far from safe too. I'm from BC after all!"

Martin stared at the health minister vacantly. "Well Mr Dosanjh, you may feel that way, but the fact is that this government is going to stand up for Canada and Canadian values, regardless of what you think."

Dosanjh let out an exasperated sigh and made another cell phone call, this time to the Federal Ethics Commissioner.

The Prime Minister loosened his tie. "We need a new GG people. I want the best person for the job. No, wait. Let me rephrase that. I want the best Quebecer for the job!"

Bill Graham spoke up. "Mr PM, need I remind you that our last GG was a visible minority woman from Ontario! Well propriety dictates the next one must be a visible minority woman from Quebec!"

The PM stared blankly, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He was obviously confused.

Graham sighed. "Mr PM, if we don't pick a minority woman from Quebec, we could be accused of favouring visible minority women from Ontario. We can't have that."

Martin saw his minister's point, but remained unconvinced. He looked across the cabinet table at Minister Responsible for Democratic Reform, Belinda Stronach, who was filing her nails and watching a recording of the latest "Big Brother" episode on her portable DVD player.

"Belinda!" shouted the PM curtly.

"Oh what now!" replied the honourable member from Newmarket.

Martin took a deep breath and chose his words carefully. "Look Belinda. I have been very patient with you. I gave you a cabinet seat. I let you watch your reality shows during cabinet meetings. I even made sure those Lindsay Lohan posters were delivered to your room. But once in a while, I don't think it would be too much to ask you to have a little input in meetings. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?"

Belinda winced like she'd been punched in the stomach. It only lasted a second though. "That's it" the prima donna replied. "I'm outta here!" Belinda stormed out of the room, mumbling something about returning to daddy.

As the PM looked around, it became apparent he would have to make a decision. The very thought terrified him! This was a man whose entire career had been based on not making decisions. To do so was career suicide and he knew it. Still, he was trapped.

"I know", the PM exclaimed, "What about that Michael Jean woman?"

Unity Minister Lapierre recoiled in shock. "But Mr PM, she's married to a seperatist!"

"Oh, seperatists be damned!" shouted the beleageaured PM. "We have to bring the seperatists into our tent. Make them our friends. Nobody's ever tried that before! Maybe that's what this country needs!"

Ralph Goodale looked down at his shoes and picked at his fingernail. Then he worked up the courage to speak. "Well Mr PM, Mulroney tried that with Lucien Bouchard, but it backfired on him."

"SHUT UP!" Snapped Martin. "You don't know what you're talking about! National Unity is an absolute priority with this government. Along with Aboriginal Affairs, Debt Reduction, Affordable Housing, Kyoto, Cities, Justice Reform, Allowing Elderly Immigrants into the Country to make use of our Health Care system, Health Care reform, Daycare, Appointing Left-Leaning Soft-on-Crime Judges to the Supreme Court, and getting the drapes replaced in the Peace Tower. You know that Ralph. Don't undermine me!"

"Sorry Mr PM, I forgot." replied the broken finance minister.

So it was decided. Michael Jean was the new GG. And the most inept government in Canada's History survived another week.

[ridenrain]

Very well done. I especially like how PMPM is always startled.

[DerbyX]

Gee, an unbiased anti-liberal tirade. What a surprise.

Don't worry, you'll get plenty more practice when they win the next federal election.

[Motorcycleboy]

DerbyX wrote:

Gee, an unbiased anti-liberal tirade. What a surprise. .

Biased? Yep. I think the Liberals are corrupt incompetents and they're dragging this country down. I'm not a reporter, I'm voicing an opinion through satire. You're allowed to have a bias when you do that. It's called opinion.

You're just pissed because the truth hurts Derby.

[twister]

hmmm. thought you might have actually had some pictures of them IN ACTION.... or actual events that happened

Quote:

Health Minister Ujal Dosanjh, who until this time had been ignoring everyone else at the meeting and yelling vulgar Punjabi words into a cellphone at an unidentified recipient stopped abruptly and looked up.

Was there really a need to include this bit of tripe... ?

[ridenrain]

Oh yeah. I'm sure he was lining up his friends to pass on some checks to Grewal.

[DerbyX]

Quote:

Biased? Yep. I think the Liberals are corrupt incompetents and they're dragging this country down. I'm not a reporter, I'm voicing an opinion through satire. You're allowed to have a bias when you do that. It's called opinion.

You're just pissed because the truth hurts Derby.

You got it all wrong. Thats why the Liberals are coming back strongly in the polls. Canadians won't be duped by the conservatives. Thats why you guys just scream crooks over & over. You have nothing else to say.

[Motorcycleboy]

DerbyX wrote:

[You got it all wrong. Thats why the Liberals are coming back strongly in the polls. Canadians won't be duped by the conservatives. Thats why you guys just scream crooks over & over. You have nothing else to say.

Won't be duped eh? By what? That scary hidden agenda? That's what Liberals say when they realize the Conservative platform makes sense and they can't refute it.

I guess what bothers you about the Conservatives are all those neo-con policies they espouse. Like that radical right-wing tax break for people who use transit to get to work. Scary? You bet.

Or, that crazy fascist idea to give tax credits to families so they can provide their own daycare. Oh wait, the Liberal idea to spend billions on a new bureaucracy and create a national daycare program will be much more efficient. You nanny state types wouldn't dare let families have the money and determine how best to utilize it eh? Much better to create a new industry.

C'mon Derby. Unlike IceOwl, you have a brain. Even you have to admit the Liberals are corrupt and bereft of ideas.

[BartSimpson]

DerbyX wrote:

Gee, an unbiased anti-liberal tirade. What a surprise.

Don't worry, you'll get plenty more practice when they win the next federal election.

This from the weasel who provides unbiased anti-conservative, anti-religious tirades.

[Motorcycleboy]

twister wrote:

hmmm. thought you might have actually had some pictures of them IN ACTION.... or actual events that happened

Quote:

Health Minister Ujal Dosanjh, who until this time had been ignoring everyone else at the meeting and yelling vulgar Punjabi words into a cellphone at an unidentified recipient stopped abruptly and looked up.

Was there really a need to include this bit of tripe... ?

Yes there was. My point was Dosanjh is a crook and he'll probably get away with it because the ethics commissioner is a toothless wonder whose easily influenced by the government.

The Punjabi language comment illustrates the fact most of his power base and ground workers (therefore those who assist him in his corrupt practice) are centred in BC's Indo-Canadian community. It's not a slight on Indo-Canadians if that's what you're alluding to. Just a slight on those who support a corrupt politician in a corrupt party. It also paints a picture in the reader's mind, which is the point of descriptive narrative.


Sorry you missed the subtlety twister.

[BartSimpson]

Motorcycleboy wrote:

DerbyX wrote:

[You got it all wrong. Thats why the Liberals are coming back strongly in the polls. Canadians won't be duped by the conservatives. Thats why you guys just scream crooks over & over. You have nothing else to say.

Won't be duped eh? By what? That scary hidden agenda? That's what Liberals say when they realize the Conservative platform makes sense and they can't refute it.

I guess what bothers you about the Conservatives are all those neo-con policies they espouse. Like that radical right-wing tax break for people who use transit to get to work. Scary? You bet.

Or, that crazy fascist idea to give tax credits to families so they can provide their own daycare. Oh wait, the Liberal idea to spend billions on a new bureaucracy and create a national daycare program will be much more efficient. You nanny state types wouldn't dare let families have the money and determine how best to utilize it eh? Much better to create a new industry.

C'mon Derby. Unlike IceOwl, you have a brain. Even you have to admit the Liberals are corrupt and bereft of ideas.

"Liberal" lib·er·al ( P ) Pronunciation Key (lbr-l, lbrl)
adj.

Def: Someone who can't quite make up their mind just how government should spend your money.

[DerbyX]

Quote:

Won't be duped eh? By what? That scary hidden agenda? That's what Liberals say when they realize the Conservative platform makes sense and they can't refute it.

I guess what bothers you about the Conservatives are all those neo-con policies that espouse. Like that radical right-wing tax break for people who use transit to get to work. Scary? You bet.

Or, that crazy fascist idea to give tax credits to families so they can provide their own daycare. Oh wait, the Liberal idea to spend billions on a new bureaucracy and create a national daycare program will be much more efficient. You nanny state types wouldn't dare let families have the money and determine how best to utilize it eh? Much better to create a new industry.

C'mon Derby. Unlike IceOwl, you have a brain. Even you have to admit the Liberals are corrupt and bereft of ideas.

I respond against the conservatives to combat the anti-liberal bias. I have said that the conservatives have some good fiscal policies. The liberals are not all corrupt. That is just like me saying the conservatives are all racist religious bigots. When you people stop blanket condemnation of the liberals you may actually get somewhere. You forget it was the liberals who brought Canada back from virtual bankrupcy that the PC party puts us in. Do you give them credit? They are running a surplus which allows us to keep paying down the federal debt. Nanny? I could have sworn that they were roasted for not putting enough money/effort into it. In any case their policies are what people want. Do you think they have no reason for instituting these policies? The absolute worst idea would be to just simply give people money for child care. Then you guys would really complain about the liberals wasting money.

Like I said, list liberal policies & conservative policies as comparison because when you guys just put your hands over your ears screaming crooks, crooks, crooks about the liberals you are saying you have no real opinion other then a biased prejudice.

The conservatives had their chance to get those tax cuts but instead the NDP got the opposite and all because harper wouldn't work with the liberals. Who's fault is that? The liberals for pursuing their agenda and working with a party who wanted to work with them, the entire reason behind how our minority governments work?

[Motorcycleboy]

DerbyX wrote:

[ You forget it was the liberals who brought Canada back from virtual bankrupcy that the PC party puts us in. Do you give them credit? They are running a surplus which allows us to keep paying down the federal debt. The conservatives had their chance to get those tax cuts but instead the NDP got the opposite and all because harper wouldn't work with the liberals. Who's fault is that? The liberals for pursuing their agenda and working with a party who wanted to work with them, the entire reason behind how our minority governments work?

I think I'm a little older than you, so you can be forgiven for your weak grasp on Canadian Political History.

True, Canada was in a fiscal mess when the Liberals won in 93, and they did turn it around. For that they deserve credit.

But Mulroney and the PC's didn't put us into debt. In fact, Mulroney actually cut spending after 16 years of Liberal rule had almost bankrupted the country. It was under Trudeau that we doubled UI, built white elephants like mirabelle airport, enacted social programs the country couldn't afford, expanded the civil service, etc. I started working in the 80's and UI then was a joke. I knew tons of people who would get some shitty job for a few months and stay at it just long enough to claim UI. Then they'd spend the winter in Florida, collecting a check to supplement whatever shitty tourist job they were working at down there. That was common then.

Mulroney cut back spending, albeit not enough. He cut UI. He also tried to reign in the civil service. For his efforts he was met with union strikes and protesters at every turn. He cut back military spending as well.

The only reason the Liberals got the finances in order was because they had Preston Manning harping on them about it every day. As the old saying goes, when the Liberals are looking over their right shoulder, they save, when they look over their left shoulder (as they are now), they spend, spend, spend.

As for your point that the Conservatives are to blame for not supporting the Liberals and pushing them into the arms of the NDP, well, God forbid! We wouldn't want an oppostion to actually oppose the Prime Minister and try to form a government now would we!

The Liberals have had it all their own way for way too long. That's why they're mired in corruption.

Democracy works best when we change the ruling power once in awhile.

[BartSimpson]

Motorcycleboy wrote:

Democracy works best when we change the ruling power once in awhile.

Agreed. I'm a Republican and the Republicans in the USA have held power long enough to have stopped listening to the people who elected them. Let the Democrats run things for a while and remind the GOP that they don't serve the lobbyists and special interests.