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PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 7:24 pm

Now that I'm retired, I have a lot of time on my hands and, as they say, idle hands are the Devil's workshop. So, I've turned to solving World Problems as a hobby. I've given some thought to this and I believe we Canadians have the solution to the problems in Afghanistan.

I’m having trouble visualizing a peaceful society in Afghanistan. They are much too involved in plots, intrigues, and political machinations. I think they just talk too much to each other about the wrong things. I propose that they follow the Canadian model and they will be the most peaceful nation in the Middle East.

After all, Canada is known all over the world as a very peaceful, kind of blah country. We never do much of anything very exciting and we drink tea. What is our secret? It’s our basic philosophy of life. We believe in having the biggest of big screen TV’s, a cold twelve –pack in the fridge, and a hockey game on. When the hockey game is over, we get amorous and when we do go out in public, we have something to talk about, that great hockey game!

So, my advice to the peacekeepers in Afghanistan is, set up a stable parliamentary government (that guarantees boring), make sure every household has a big-screen TV, every kid has a hockey stick, and make sure there is a beer store in every neighborhood. Along with the big-screen TV, they will need a satellite dish and dish TV guide with the hockey games highlighted. Of course we will have to build a hockey rink in every neighborhood too. Now you can’t force these things on folks, you have to seduce them with big-screen TV’s and satellite dishes first, and then you can gradually introduce beer and other refinements.

The next thing is the burkas. It’s difficult to be amorous to a potato sack, so burkas have to go. Encourage the ladies to wear mini-skirts and makeup and pretty high-heel shoes, this won’t be too difficult I imagine. Someone has to earn a living while the old man watches hockey games, so the girls have to get an education and be liberated and go to work and they aren’t going to have time for babies so they better have access to birth control.

Now we have the men preoccupied, and the women busy, and the kids involved. The only group we haven’t taken care of are the old mullahs. These are the most dangerous group because they are the ones that stir up all the shit. I think we ought to put them all in an Old Mullahs Home (OMH) and teach them shuffleboard.

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