CKA Forums
Login 
canadian forums
bottom
 
 
Canadian Forums

Author Topic Options
Offline
Junior Member
Junior Member
User avatar
Profile
Posts: 71
PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:47 pm
 


I have to write a poem in History class about WWI. So I did it about how someone enlisted. I'm horrible at writing poems and don't know how to write one. This is what I have so far, but it just seems like a story without proper sentences.

In August of 1915, my father passed away.
It wasn’t meant to happen, he was so young.
Prior to his death he confronted me.
In a dreadful state, he was compelled to tell me
“A life without reason is a life worth losing.”
His words were direct.

It was two months after my father’s death.
And his words still lingered in my mind.
As the afternoon turned dark, I stood outside his room.
Waiting, peacefully, for something.

I saw nothing. Nothing came, nothing went.
Much like my life,
My future,
My dreams.
All clouded and full of uncertainties.
Looking back now, my life seemed dull,
And I wasn’t willing to lose it.

“A life without reason is a life worth losing.”
Now I realized.
Now I understood.
My life had no reason,
But I wasn’t ready to give it up.

To fill my life of nothing with something,
To make my family proud,
To make my country proud,
To make myself proud,
I enlisted.

Is this considered a poem? It doesn't even rhyme.

And any tips to make it better?

Thanks


Offline
Junior Member
Junior Member
User avatar
Profile
Posts: 71
PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:55 pm
 


Honestly? Thats how they are supposed to sound?

Thanks for your input, I hope your not saying that to make me feel good PDT_Armataz_01_28 .


Offline
CKA Elite
CKA Elite
User avatar
Profile
Posts: 4553
PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:00 pm
 


In August of 1915, amid the fear and sacrifice
my father passed away.
It wasn’t meant to happen, he was young and strong.
Hs death he confronted me.
In a dreadful state, he was spoke to tell me
“A life without purpose is a life worth losing.”
His words were direct, and I will not forget.

It was two months after my father’s death.
And his words still lingered in my mind.
As the afternoon turned dark, I stood by outside his room.
Waiting, just waiting, for anything.

I saw nothing. Nothing came, nothing went.
Much like my life, My future, My dreams.
All clouded and full of emptiness.
Looking back now, my life seemed dull,
I wasn’t willing to lose it.

“A life without purpose is a life worth losing.”
Now I realize.
Now I understand.
My life has no purpose,
But I am not ready to give it up.

To fill my life of nothing with anything,
To make my family proud,
To make my country proud,
To make myself proud,
I enlisted.


I amde some alterations, not sure if you will like it, I am not much of a poet either but meh, maybe it will make you think of somethign else that you will like that you can add or change.


Offline
CKA Elite
CKA Elite
Profile
Posts: 4739
PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:06 pm
 


I agree , its very good , don't change a thing


Offline
Forum Super Elite
Forum Super Elite
 Vancouver Canucks
User avatar
Profile
Posts: 2372
PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:39 pm
 


It's very good and I wouldn't change a thing. Poems don't have to rhyme either.


Offline
Junior Member
Junior Member
User avatar
Profile
Posts: 71
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:35 am
 


Thanks for the input. I'll leave it as it is for now, see what happens. [BB]


Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest




 
     
All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owner.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © Canadaka.net. Powered by © phpBB.