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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 5:07 pm
 


Thanks TattoodGirl and Clogeroo for your words. :D

I would also appreciate comments from anyone else who finds the time to read this.


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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 4:09 pm
 


bump. :)


I want more people to read this. It would really mean a lot to me. I really want to see if I'd ahve a good number of people who'd like to purchase this book in the future.


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PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2007 2:47 pm
 


PCC is right....I will probably be reading it lol.


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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 4:04 pm
 


Update: I got one copy back from one of my old English teachers. He said that while it wasn't his genre, he was enveloped in the story and thought it was very good. High praise, coming from him. :D


Just need to hear from one or two more teachers before I make my decision. So far, it looks like I'm gonna go ahead and publish it, but I'm not sure yet. :D :wink:


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 9:48 pm
 


Okay, so here is a good chunk of Chapter II, barely edited. Hope you enjoy! :D


Quote:
[align=center]CHAPTER II[/align]

[align=center]Across the sea the One returns,
To their old forgotten land.
Those who'll know him are soon cursed,
By his fated hand.
[/align]

They had just passed the Eye of Luthos. Their voyage was half-over. As orders were shouted and men had smiles on their faces, a young, brown boy with jet black hair, with a seashell necklace and an Auratian Vest, leaned over the side of the ship and looked to the seemingly endless horizon. His name was Dael Nazcavar.

Dael watched as they rounded the Eye and headed north to their next destination. It would be another two weeks before they would reach Arkanlandaya, as many of the men called it. Many of the men on Rayos' merchant ship were very happy to be returning home to Arkanlandaya. Dael, having been raised to speak several languages to a certain degree, knew that Arkanlandaya meant Place of the Guardians. Apparently, this country was a land of tropical islands and reefs sitting atop an azure sea full of colour that was also teeming with fish. This was only in the eastern part. To the west of these islands, lay a white sand coast with deep emerald jungles that were shadowed by enormous mountains of all different shapes and sizes. He could see it when he closed his eyes, this wonderful world of colour and beauty. A land of serenity. He couldn't wait to see the famous Obelisks of Adrianopa Harbour; Huge, towering white obelisks that signalled ships into the harbour and stood guard over Arkanlandaya's pristine waters. Dael really wanted to see for the first time in his life, his native home.

From as far back as he could remember, Rayos had given him a seashell necklace that had belonged to Dael's father. Rayos told him to keep it and treasure it, and it would protect him and keep him safe in return; for the love of a father is the greatest protection of all according to ancient Aelfbanaer scripts. Dael had never known his father. All he knew was that he was orphaned when he was a baby and Rayos raised him. All his life, he had been sailing the seas and oceans of the known world fighting pirates, native tribes and the like. In all that time, he had never even seen his homeland and he longed to escape the scorchend lands of the Middle Sea. He was abruptly brought back from his daydreaming by a slap on the back from his long-time friend, Kothos. Dael coughed as Kothos' slap knocked the wind out of him.

"Oh, come on," said Kothos as he rolled his eyes. "I didn't even hit you that hard!"

"You surprised me!"

"No excuse for being weak."

"I'm not weak," Dael growled.

"Whoa, calm down! I'm just teasin' ya. Quit being such a Karos..."

"Aren't you a Karos as well?" Asked Dael with a sharp tongue.

"Meh. Athinaian, Dacian, Illythian; it's all the same blood. Why are you staring at the ocean anyway? Did she break up with you again?" Kothos smiled wryly.

"Har har," droned Dael. "I was just thinking about Arkanlandaya and what a wonderful place it must be. Isolated, beautiful, serene. It must be heaven on earth."

"Plus," interjected Kothos, "I hear all the women there are gorgeous."

"Is that all you think about?" asked Dael with a sense of desperation and disbelief.

"Dael," began Kothos with an air of explaining something terribly simple. "I've been stuck on a boat with no women for over a month."

"I wouldn't blame the boat for lack of women," began Dael with a chuckle. "Maybe it's you ugliness that scares them all away."

Kothos waved his hand dismissively. "It's more likely that they run away for fear of approaching something so beautiful as myself." Said Kothos as he stroked his in an extremely exaggerated manner.

To be brutally honest, he was a beautiful creature. He had silky blonde hair that just barely touched his shoulders, with one long lock of hair bound in blue Parthiyan beads stemming from his right side. He had eyes as bright as the blue ocean and the bronze skin colour of the Athinaians. He wore a white shirt which was covered by a Parthiyan Officer's tunic and he even had the matching Officer's pants. He had a tanned leather belt with a golden belt buckle which held his Dacian shortsword at his waist. He shot a playful look at Dael.

"You only wish you could be this beautiful."

"Good Lord, if you were any fuller of yourself, you'd burst into a thousand tiny bits."

"And those thousand tiny bits would still bring all the ladies aboard."

Dael laughed, and so did Kothos. While they insulted each other most of the time, they were still good friends and have seen each other through many tough times. Both had seen death and had lived through countless pirate attacks. Two two were known to be some of the best swordsmen on the ship and Dael was excellent with the bow and arrow on top of being a good swordsman. The two of them also had a very similar past. Both were orphans who were taken in by Rayos when they were very young, and both were known to be very witty and mischievous. They would need these traits of theirs very soon, but not before Rayos beckoned them into his office which also doubled as his quarters.

"Okay boys," began Rayos. "We have a large shipment of fine silks and fabrics from the Parthiyans that we are to deliver to many Lords and Ladies in Adrianopa and Byzantion. We're also going have a weeks shore leave before departing for Berin. I would strongly suggest experiencing these cities as much as possible during our stay there. We're also going to be staying at the Sea Turtle Tavern, which is actually inside the City Fortress Island. Oh, and Kothos..."

Kothos raised an eyebrow.

"If I find another woman hiding in a barrel, it will be the end of you."

Kothos extended his arms in exasperation. "Oh, come on!" He protested as he rolled his eyes.

"Now get back on deck," continued Rayos, "Ubunta needs your help with some lines that got twisted."

As the two boys turned to leave, Rayos asked Dael to stay for a moment longer. Rayos told Dael that once they got there, there would be the possibility of Dael meeting his birth father, if he wished to do so. Dael didn't know what to think. He had never seen his father or even knew what he was like. He never even wrote letters or anything. All that Dael knew of his real father was that his seashell necklace was his father's. All his life, Dael had grown up on a merchant ship with a scruffy old man who treated him and Kothos as his own sons. He had never even seen his homeland, and now the man he had come to view as a father was asking him if he wanted to meet his real father. Dael didn't know what to do. It was a pretty big decision for him to make.

"I'll think about it," said Dael quietly.

Rayos gave a weak smile. "Well don't think too long, we'll be in Adrianopa in about two weeks."

[align=center]*****[/align]

The Gaiamana sat still in his chair with his hand on his forehead.

"How long has it been, Gedan? Eighteen years? Eighteen years, scouring the entire world, and you are telling me that we are still no closer to finding the Sojourner than we were eighteen years ago?!"

"With all due respect your Holiness, it is extremely hard to track someone who was a baby when we lost track of them. Aside from that, we can't go storming through the territory of other nations and empires whimsically."

"Gedan, you are Captain of the Genna Falkata. I don't think I need to explain to you the importance of this mission. From what we can tell of the ancient scripts, the Sojourner will destroy all that we stand for! It says that he will cast down the Gods of Artana and the Gods of Narok! He must be found and dealt with."

"Forgive me your Holiness, but we can't find him. He could be anywhere in the world. The only way we'll be able to find him is to keep a close watch on the docks in Acacia. We simply cannot continue to search the whole world for him."

"Very well, Captain. Station your spies at the docks. May the Omrissana help you, for if he slips past you, you will suffer the consequences."

Captain Gedan Moroka rose to his feet, bowed and left the room. As soon as he left, the Gaiamana spun his chair round and rose from it and hobbled over to the balcony that oversaw Eleran, the Capital of Arkanlandaya. "Where are you, Child of Prophecy?" He asked himself.

[align=center]*****[/align]

Orisian stirred up the sands a little more. He squinted down into them and gave a look of displeasure. He stirred them again and mumbled some Arcish chant. Still nothing. Desperate, he pulled out his charms and began a hymn while rolling his staff around the stirred sand pit. After a moment or so, he opened his eyes and smiled with a sense of accomplishment. "That's more like it," he said aloud to himself. He peered into the sands again.

"Oh," he said with a slight sense of surprise. "So that's where you've been, Sojourner..."

[align=center]*****[/align]

A ship with no markings. Pirates. Approaching from the west. "By the Gods, not again," thought Dael to himself. Nonetheless, he grabbed his bow and quiver full of arrows and waited patiently for the pirates to get into range. he hated doing this. He readied his bow and strung an arrow. He corrected for distance and the high winds of the day. Steady. Steady. He let loose and hit his target perfectly. "It's just a target," he said to himself, "it's just a target." He strung another arrow and let fly with another perfect hit. His crewmates were cheering him on. He hated it when they did that. The pirates where getting closer and were sending volleys of arrows back at their ship. Dael continued to drop pirates like drunk men at an Athinaian Inn. Now the pirates were too close. Dael ran and grabbed a sword and prepared for another fight for his life.

[align=center]*****[/align]

Gedan ran down the hallway as fast as he could, clutching a piece of parchment. As he approached the doors to the Gaiamana's study, two guards barred him from entry.

"State your purpose," said one of the guards sharply.

"I have information for his Holiness regarding the ancient scripts."

"Proceed." They stood aside while opening the door. Gedan entered and just as the doors closed, took a knee.

"Your Holiness," he began. "I have new information about the Sojourner. His name is Dael Nazcavar, and he was last seen aboard a merchant ship in a Cartagian port city. They were heading west. They must either be heading for Atlantica, Berin, or here. I have ordered the Avataras to proceed to these destinations and keep a falcon's eye out for him."

The Gaiamana smiled. "Excellent work, Gedan. Let's hope that we catch him without causing too much of a disturbance."

[align=center]*****[/align]

Dael had to duck as a pirate swung his sword wildly. Seeing the opening, Dael slashed him across the midriff. As that one fell to the ground, another took his place and roared mightily.

"Come here, brownie!" he roared in the direction of Dael. He swung wildly like the one before him, giving Dael another opportunity to deliver a fatal strike, this time straight through his body. The pirate cried out in pain as he fell to the ground. Dael could see that some of the other crewmates were having trouble with some pirates, and fought his way over to them and jumped hastily into the fray. A pirate emerged out of nowhere and charged straight for Dael, who ducked and rolled the pirate over him, over the guardrail and into the shining sea.

Kothos was having the time of his life "dancing" around some rather frustrated pirates. He was laughing and smiling the whole way through, beckoning the pirates to him. Dael knew that Kothos' over-confidence got him into trouble, and ran over there, dodging yet another pirate as he did so. As he turned to see where Kothos was, a sword came rushing at him and he had barely enough time to block it. Dael stumbled back a few steps and looked at his new foe. He must have been the Captain of the pirate ship. He wore very fine clothes of woven fabric that were as black as the night. They were trimmed with gold lace that shone in the sunlight and he wore fine leather boots that looked very intimidating to the eye. He wore a black bandana that covered his long, brown hair. He had a very serious yet relaxed face and air about him which for some reason or another, intimidated Dael. This pirate Captain also had a brown goatee and neatly trimmed moustache. Dael didn't like the feel of this man at all. There was just something about him. Suddenly, the pirate spoke.

"Where do you think you're going, darkie?" he inquired.

"Well, I was going to go get some food, but now your in my way and I'm hungry."

The pirate cracked a smile. "Whoops." was all he said as he lunged at Dael, who parried the strike perfectly and countered by aiming for the pirates shins. he blocked the strike perfectly as well. They kept trying to land fatal wounds on each other, but neither could succeed. This dancing of swords went on for a few minutes before the pirate finally managed to slash Dael on his right arm and his left shoulder. Dael collapsed against a crate, breathing heavily and cradling his shoulder. He looked up at the pirate with revolt.

The pirate looked down on Dael with a smile. He was about to speak but Kothos cut him off by shouting obscenities at him.

"Heeeeeey! Mr. Pirate! Your crewmates suck! They have no concept of swordsmanship or fighting and they smell like the north end of a south bound camel! You reeeeeeaaaaaly need to tighten up your standards, fishbreath."

The pirate lost his smile and bellowed back. "Can't you see I'm busy taking over your ship?"

"Then why are you shouting at a merchant sailor?" replied Kothos.

"That will soon be remedied," said the pirate deeply as he marched over to where Kothos was and began to fight with him. Kothos, as usual, had a smile on his face and he faced off with the Captain of the pirates. They were both extremely fast and graceful with their swordsmanship, making it look more like a dance than a fight. Slashing, thrusting and parrying their way across the ship. The Ship. Rayos's ship. Where was Rayos? Dael hobbled to his feet, grabbed his sword and limped off to find Rayos amid the chaos. After painfully tossing aside a pirate, he climbed a ladder to the upper deck where the helm was. There he saw Rayos with a fire in his eyes, yelling at the pirates.

"Get your ugly, disgusting, rotten bodies off my ship!" He roared.

One of the pirates spotted Dael, and ran towards him, only to be tripped and fall down the ladder to the main deck. Dael turned just in time to see a pirate bringing an axe down over his head. Dael quickly stepped to the side and brought his leaden sword across the pirates belly dropping him almost instantly. Dael raised his head and saw that Rayos was becoming overwhelmed by pirates. There were just too many, and Dael was in no condition to continue fighting. As he paused to catch his breath, someone below him had shouted for him to look out behind him. Too late. As Dael turned, two pirates knocked him straight through the guardrails sending him crashing down onto the main deck. When he opened his eyes after the fall, he saw Kothos cradling his arm. He continued to look around and saw only three of his crewmates left and they had their hands in the air in a gesture of surrender. The pirates did not share this mentality and struck them down where they stood. As more pirates closed in around him, a body from the upper deck came crashing down. It was Rayos. Dael's eyes widened and a look of pure revolt and sorrow crossed his face. he leapt to his feet yelling in anger, only to be knocked back onto the blood stained deck. The Captain began to speak.

"I must say, you two are extremely gifted for your age. I could use a couple of lads such as yourselves aboard my ship. You'd both make excellent pirates."

"You can suffer the worst curses of the Underworld," spat Kothos.

The Captain gave a humoured grunt. "Spirit, that's what you've got. Before you decide to let your tongue out of your cage again, I'd strongly suggest you evaluate your options. You can either join me and get rich, or I can kill you where you stand and send you deep into Nepon's Kingdom. What do you brats have to lose other than your lives?"

The Captain held a dark an valid point. The man who they had viewed as a father and their crewmates whom they had viewed as faimily were all dead. All they had were each other. They both looked at each other and without speaking a single word, communicated that all they had left were themselves, even if that meant becoming pirates. They nodded in agreement and understanding. They looked up at the Captain and with some hesitation, accepted his offer.

The Captain cracked a wicked smile. He called out into the crowd of pirates. "Pellion!" Behind the crowd emerged a stout man wearing an Athinaian farmer's hat and wooden sandals. "Yes, Captain?" he squeaked.

"Get our new crewmates fixed up and give them a good meal. As for the rest of you, take what you want but leave the Captain's quarters for me."

A hearty cheer went up in the air. The pirates roared at their victory while brandishing their swords, axes and clubs. They continued to roar like animals as they proceeded to destroy the closest thing to home Dael and Kothos had ever known.

[align=center]*****[/align]

[align=center]Three weeks later[/align]

The Gaiamana sat in his chair anxiously. The Sojourner was getting close. For the Gods whom he loved and revered, he must not let the Sojourner slip past him. It felt frightening knowing that a threat was approaching, but it was even more frightening to him to not even know who it was or what they would do. The ancient scripts were incomplete, but from what the historians could decipher, nothing good would come from it. The Sojourner would unite the Arcs, cast down the Gods and destroy Arkanlandaya. He was on edge, and didn't like it. Knowing that a dire threat is slowly approaching, but not knowing what it is or when it will arrive. It is the most frightening thing of all.

As he stared off into space dreading what was to come, the doors to his study opened. It was Gedan. He spoke in what a barely audible mumble. "Any word?"

Gedan dropped onto one knee with a grin on his face. "I have extremely good news your Holiness. Our agents were able to track down and identify the ship that the Sojourner was on. It was attacked by pirates and no crew members were found alive. It would seem that the Gods are with us and have struck the one who would have destroyed them. It is believed that there are no survivors."

"Praise the Omrissana! That is excellent news, Gedan! We can finally breathe easily. There is no longer a threat to the Three Kingdoms. You may call back your agents and envoys if you so wish to do so."

"Thank you your Holiness." And without another word, Gedan rose to his feet and departed the Gaiamana's study. After he did so, the Gaiamana leaned into his chair and breathed a sigh of relief. The Temple and the world was safe for another day.

[align=center]*****[/align]

Orisian sat near a path that overlooked the sea. As a hermit passed him, he asked Orisian what he was doing sitting there and staring at the rising sun.

"I am waiting," replied Orisian.

"For what?" Inquired the hermit.

"For the Sojourner," replied Orisian indifferently.

"AHAHAHA! And they call me mad," howled the hermit.

Orisian sat there staring, unaffected by the hermits laughter. As the hermit continued on his merry way hooting and howling all the way, Orisian fixed his eyes on the horizon. After a few moments, he whispered a few Arcish words, and soon after the winds picked up to a fast and steady pace, howling in his ears. It would be the heralding of the Sojourner.

[align=center]*****[/align]

[align=center]Two months later[/align]

Dael stared into the sea, lost in thought. Life as a pirate was interesting and decent, but Dael found that it wasn't for him. There was something about preying upon innocents that didn't appeal to him. Kothos on the other hand, seemed to be getting along fairly well. It was still awkward for him, but he was getting the things that he had wanted most in life which were women, treasure and adventure. Dael couldn't tell, but he wondered how Kothos felt about Rayos' death. If there was one thing Kothos could do well other than fighting, it was hiding something. He scanned the deck looking for Kothos, but was cut short in his search when a barrel went flying past him.

"Good Lord, Brownie! Move yer ass, or I'll throw you overboard!" Thundered the pirate.

"You could have given me a warning, lard-butt!"

The pirate growled. "What did you say to me, darkie?!"

"I called you lard-butt. What are you gonna do? Eat me?"

The pirate began to swing a punch at Dael, who dipped slightly and intercepted the blow and kicked the pirate square in the gut, sending him crashing down onto the deck. Dael jumped onto him and proceeded to pound the pirate like a hammer to a nail. After a few moments, a pair of pirates pulled Dael off of the instigator, who lay bruised and bloody. As they pulled Dael away, he shouted:

"Don't ever call me a fucking darkie again, or I'll throw you overboard!!!"

The pirate stumbled to his feet, wiped his nose and mouth of blood, shot a look at Dael and left for the lower deck. Later during the night, Dael found himself in the Captain's quarters. The Captain was not pleased with his behaviour.

"Dael," he began, "on this ship, we do not fight one another. We may be pirates, but we all need to work together and watch each others backs if we are to survive. I took you aboard because I valued your skill, determination and spirit. However, if your current attitude continues, I swear that I will personally send you to Nepon's Kingdom. Understand?"

"Aye aye, Captain."

As he left the room, Dael thought to himself "I need to get off this ship".


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 9:42 pm
 


bump. :P


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:33 am
 


Please comment. I'd really appreciate any feedback. :D


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:21 am
 


not to be nasty, but hasn't this scenario been done to death. Young man is heir to powers or a mystical birthright, but doesn't know it yet. Voyage of discovery culminating in his coming to power and vanquishing the forces arrayed against him. Wheel of Time....Lord of the Rings.....Star wars........Earth Sea etc. Don't give up, just look for something more original.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:27 am
 


ShepherdsDog wrote:
not to be nasty, but hasn't this scenario been done to death. Young man is heir to powers or a mystical birthright, but doesn't know it yet. Voyage of discovery culminating in his coming to power and vanquishing the forces arrayed against him. Wheel of Time....Lord of the Rings.....Star wars........Earth Sea etc. Don't give up, just look for something more original.


I know, I've thought that myself many times, but I take a different direction in this book(although it's way too early to tell you'll ahve to wait until chapters 3-4 to see what I'm talking about. The whole prophecy bit is just a basic plot-line, but my real intention is to focus on the central characters and how they struggle with their personal demons and show that they are not "pristine" or "model" "heroes".

In terms of criticism, I guess I'm looking more for criticism in terms of how the story flows, structure, scenario, detail, etc. I've never really been good at that, so I'd like to hear what other people ahve to say about that.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:13 am
 


Hey Arctic--if you want I can review your stuff, though I'd rather do it offline. PM me if you are interested. Also, you should consider getting feedback from a writers group. I'm a member of Critters, an on-line writers group that has worked well for me over the years. Simple premise: You review other people's stories and in return they review yours.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 3:36 pm
 


Not my favourite genre AM, but your writing is great!

I'm planning on publishing my novel online in the near future in hopes of getting some attention. If you're interested, PM me and I'll send you more info.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 9:02 pm
 


bootlegga wrote:
Not my favourite genre AM, but your writing is great!

I'm planning on publishing my novel online in the near future in hopes of getting some attention. If you're interested, PM me and I'll send you more info.


That'd be great! Thanks! :D


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 10:11 pm
 


YOU SUCK!!!
j/k


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 10:26 pm
 


:lol:


In that case, I guess you won't like the fact that I'm posting the rest of chapter II... :P ;)


Quote:
[align=center]*****[/align]

[align=center]two and a half weeks later[/align]

Cold. So unbelievably cold. "Do people actually live here?" Dael thought to himself. Captain Thesereus had sent Dael and the crew on a vendetta against Norse raiders. It was all fine and dandy if he stole from others, but God forbid if someone ever stole from Thesereus. Their chase had taken them deep into Norse territory, far to the north of the Middle Sea. The waters of the North Sea froze and did not shine or sparkle. Dael thought he was in the most depressing place in the world. The waters were dark and murky, the sky was grey, and the air was bitterly cold.

The Norse Raider ship was just a red dot off in the horizon, and suddenly disappeared behind an island in an archipelago. Dael looked up at Thesereus who was on the upper deck, grinding his teeth and clenching the guardrails. He turned and bellowed at Pellion to gain more speed. After what seemed like an eternity, the ship entered the Archipelago, where she began to stalk the Norse ship. All was silent. Only the wind was whispering in the men's ears. Dael didn't like this. He didn't like it at all. It didn't feel right. He looked around at the other crew members, and he could tell that they were feeling the same thing. Dael creeped to the stern of the ship, where the men kept their weapons. He carefully and quietly took a sword for his protection, and walked back to his post on the port side of the ship. He crouched down to evade the freezing wind. The men sat there, motionless. Soon, scattered clouds of mist began to creep towards the ship. In one small break, the crew got a glimpse of the Norse ship. They signalled the Captain, who pressed ahead, with a fire burning in his eyes. It was the only warm thing to be found for miles...

*[align=center]****[/align]

Orisian was walking back to his tribe's homeland when he saw something intriguing in the distance. He tried to make out what it was, but he could not tell. He couldn't tell if it was an army of people moving, or a rapidly advancing fire. The wind gusted right in his face, forcing him to look away. When he looked back, there was only desert and mountains to be seen in the distance.

"Hmm..." said Orisian.

[align=center]*****[/align]

As they got closer to the Norse ship, they could hear the commotion on board the ship. Suddenly, a horn pierced the early morning mist. It blew again, only this time was silenced mid blow. The men began to shift with obvious uneasiness. Soon, a shifting silhouette began to stir in the mists. As the mists cleared, they saw that it was the Norse ship. They could see Norsemen on board, brandishing their weapons. Realizing that they had been found, they started to shout and bellow. Captain Thesereus and his pirate crew responded by raising their swords and shouting back at the Norsemen. As they pulled up beside the Norse ship, it became horrifying clear to them. The men on the Norse ship emerged from the mist in the recognizable Arkanlandayan armour.

As the men realized they had been lured into a trap along with the Norse, another, sharper horn pierced the mist. Out of nowhere, were hurled huge stones that tore through the pirate ship like paper, letting the frigid waters of the North Sea rush into the lower decks. "It's a trap!" bellowed Captain Thesereus as he prepared to fight off the Arkanlandayans. It was a nightmare, a truly horrendous nightmare. Dael had never seen anything like it; men who's armour made them look like demons emerging from the cold mist, armour that was blue and white and shone like ice, and fighting unlike anything he had ever seen before. His movements and those of his pirate comrades were slow and lumbering compared to the fast, graceful and utterly deadly style of the Arklanlandayans. Dael found the closest soldier and attempted to strike at him. Before he even knew what had happened, his right arm had been cut in several places and he was on the ground with his arm locked behind him and an Arkanlandayan sword gingerly touching his neck. A voice pierced the mist:

"Take what prisoners you can and get off the ship! She's taking on water fast!"

The soldier lifted Dael up and crushed his arms against Dael's neck and head. Within seconds, Dael had passed out.

[align=center]*****[/align]

Dael awoke against a cold wood floor. He tried to sit up, but his head was spinning and he was in much pain. Suddenly he remembered. The soldier has cut up his right arm pretty badly. Dael rolled onto his back, and rolled up his sleeve, only to find that his arm had been bandaged. He looked around the room, to see only five other familiar faces. Kothos and Thesereums were not among them. Dael gingerly got to his knees, crawled to the wall, and leaned against it.

"Where are the others?" Asked Dael.

"Dead," began Imaros, the lunatic of the pirates, burying his head in his arms. "All dead. The demons emerged from the mist. No life. All gone. So fast. Gods have mercy..."

Dael hadn't even begun to understand the fact that even his good friend Kothos was gone when the door to the room opened and the shadow of a soldier stood in the middle of the doorway. Dael could tell that the soldier was scanning the room with his eyes. They fixed on Dael, who was clearly unique in the bunch being brown, and half-elvish. The soldier raised his hand and pointed at Dael.

"You. How old are you?"

"Um, eighteen. Why?"

" Come with me," ordered the soldier.

Dael could barely move. Having no patience, the soldier and another soldier that had been standing off to the side entered the room and picked up Dael, dragging him down a corridor. The corridor creaked and cracked. Dael was on an Arkanlandayan ship. Within minutes, Dael was led to a room where he was forced down onto his knees and had his head forcibly bowed. Once allowed to look up, he saw the face of someone who was clearly a military commander of some sort. He wore a fantastic suit of armour that glowed in the candlelight. Dael looked out the window to see at least two of the moons over the white mountains and a sparkling sea. He looked back at the military commander who was smiling. The commander began to speak.

"It would seem that the Gods have bestowed fortune upon me. A once fruitless search finally completed, two pirate vessels taken down making the trade routes safer, and a completed search torn asunder. Such a day."

"Uh, okay then. If I may, who might you be and why am I here?"

"You'll find out soon enough, boy. But first, I need to know how long you've been in the service of that second pirate ships we took down."

"Only for a little over three months."

"Really? And before that?"

Dael looked at the floor. "I served aboard a merchant ship. For my entire life."

The commander smiled. "That is fantastic news!" He then adressed the guards. "Take the prisoner back to the brig. The Gaiamana will be most pleased."

[align=center]*****[/align]

Two weeks later

Dael clung to the driftwood with all his might, holding his breath, trying to fight against the waves that were pounding him again and again, sending him under the water. He kicked as hard as he could, and managed to get to the surface. He gasped for air, but could barely grab any before another wave send him thudnering deeper into the water. Dael closed his eyes and held his breath for as long as he could. He could no longer tell which way was up or down. Soon, he floated to the surface where he managed to stay for more than a few seconds. He called out for help, but no help came. He called again, and the only thing that answered were the thundering heavens. "Oh God," Dael thought to himself. "I'm gonna die. I'm actually gonna die here." Nonetheless, Dael gripped the driftwood tightly, holding onto life. After an excruciating and traumatic four hours, the storm began to die down. Dael, utterly exhausted, collapsed onto the driftwood, and fell asleep to what became the gentle rocking of the waves.


This chunk, like the previous one, is unedited, but hey, at least I have two chapters finished. :lol:


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 10:30 pm
 


If you want to follow Stephen King's lead. You have to add 10 thousand more words to each paragraph.

just my 2 cents worth


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