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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 3:19 am

We were visiting my wife's Uncle and Aunt a few summers ago. Uncle Ralph mentioned a water slide park in Barrie, Ontario. My two sons got all excited. I got all excited. My wife had P.M.S.

We were on the highway, following Uncle Ralph to the water slide park. My two sons were very excited. I was very excited. My wife still had P.M.S.

Our family of four was following Uncle Ralph's car to the park when suddenly he signaled for me to pull over. He excitedly ran up to our car and told us that he had heard on the radio that the TALL SHIPS were coming into Georgian Bay. He thought it would be interesting to go there first and then head to the water park afterwards. I was not thrilled at the idea but seeing as my wife loved her uncle dearly and had a good case (or bad case) of P.M.S. I was not about to say anything negative.

We drove to the large dock at Georgian Bay and there was a tall ship docked there. It was very tall. It had sails. There was a crew on the tall ship. Some of the crew members were tall also. I enjoyed it for perhaps five minutes. I noticed I was sweating a lot and my enjoyment of the tall ship evaporated into the hot, muggy air. Please forgive me for using bad language but I must say a bad word in order for you to appreciate my unappreciation. (If that is bad grammar, please forgive me again as I never said I was a writer...)

If you do not like bad language, please stop reading now, otherwise you will be reading a very bad word which might offend you. The bad word will be written shortly.
I personally am excited at the thought of typing a bad word. For those of you who can not wait, skip to the next paragraph where the swear word is located. If you are offended by swearing (or tall ships) read no further.

It was fucking hot. It was so fucking hot I had to say fucking hot one more time. Fucking hot. Fucking hot. Fucking hot. I am so glad I got that off my fucking chest... There were also twelve billion mosquitos there that seemed more attracted to me then any other person
at the dock.

There was a very large crowd at the dock and surrounding park. Hot weather and large crowds do not make me very happy. In fact, I think I would rather be at a country club line dancing to "Achy Breaky Heart".

After about half an hour I wanted to leave. My two sons did not want to be there anymore. I did not want to be there anymore. My wife had P.M.S. so it would not matter where the hell she was. We sat down on the ant infested grass as dozens of tall ships came into shore. There were a lot of tall ships but once you have seen one tall ship, it will do you for a lifetime (trust me) All I know is if there are tall ships in heaven I am going to commit suicide.

Once in a while I would turn to my wife and give her a blank expression. (This was my subtle way of telling her that I was not having fun) She would look back at me with her P.M.S. eyes and I would very quickly go back to admiring the tall ships.

No one was enjoying the tall ships except for Uncle Ralph. His wife wanted to leave but did not want to upset him. After about three hours of counting my mosquito bites he asked me what I thought of the tall ships and I told him they were "very tall". We sat on the grass for a good two hours as the beads of sweat ran down the crack of my ass, which I honestly enjoyed more than the tall ships. I turned once more to my wife and gave her a really good blank stare. Her P.M.S. was now in top form and she gave me a Satanic stare back. Once more I turned away from her to admire the tall ships... We ended up staying there for the entire day and never did go to the water slide park. (Is it just me or is my life one big party?)

Now, whenever I see a tall ship on television I remember back to the end of that special day. The terrible heat, my wife with an excellent case of P.M.S., the hours of boredom, the mosquitos and ants, my two sons whining and Uncle Ralph happily watching the tall ships sail into the fucking sunset.

Larry Graves

Last edited by canadianstudmuf on Sun May 31, 2009 1:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 6:44 am

Hey, I love tall ships!! Kudos to you wife R=UP

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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 7:00 am

Figured there'd be some sort of funny or interested event by the end of the "true story", but no, just "we went to the tall ships, it was boring and hot". :?

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