Oh, shit, you should learn how to knock or something. Give me a moment, would ya? Geez.
The following is a compelling argument for making me an addition to the list of fearless
and
tyrannical treacherous totalitarian terrific mods to have ruled CKA through it's history.
Application to make Public_Domain, respected and idolized by All*, a new Mod for CKA**1. It'd be ironic.a. I'm an anarchist. Anarchists don't believe in authority or hierarchy. Haha, right? I should get elected for that reason alone, dammit.
b. I'm not even supposed to be here, I was perma-banned several times several years ago. Oh the not-so-funny irony.
c. I'm extremely unqualified. Irony!
d. It'd be like rain on your wedding day, or something.
2. It'd totally piss everyone off.a. It would redirect questions of authority from the shoulders of the current mods onto me, because who could resist questioning the motives of a fucking communist?
b. It would be the worst possible way to fulfill the requests of naysayers who demand a new mod.
c. Everyone could laugh and joke until the cold terrifying reality set in a few hours after my inauguration.
d. Literally anyone else would be a better choice.
3. It might shut me up.a. There's some theory that once users become mods, they quiet down. Imagine the opportunity!
b. I can pretend to be fair and objective very well.
c. It'd satisfy both the desires of current mods and most users if it really did quiet me down.
d. Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits far turd and twat. The lowered instances of that occurring might lower the overall average of vulgarity on CKA to levels accommodating 12+ audiences.
e. Maybe authority will kill the communist in me. Or not. Only one way to find out.
4. I'm just so damn funny.a. I'd use increasingly creepy and annoyingly clique totalitarian communist phrases when turfing or warning users.
b. See
this thread.
5. I'd ban the capitalist pig dogs and tear down this whole hierarchical regime.
a. I'd betray my ideals the moment I tasted sweet sweet power in the proud tradition of my martyred communist idols.5. I have a lot of free time.a. I'm a jobless hippie in college.
b. I'm here like, any moment I can be. No one knows why. I don't either. But there it is.
c. I have vampire hours.
d. I need more excuses to not do homework. I'm not going to do it anyway, but it'd be nice to have something to tell myself.
6. I'm fucking crazy.a. Pretty much the only people we ever put into power are batshit insane.
b. I keep promises just about as much as anyone else we consider leadership material.
c. My voice is deep and I'm persistent.
d. My maniacal laugh is perfect for this job.
e. Dooooooo iiiiiiit.
7. I promise to keep my promises and not to procrastinate.a.
8. My resume is strong.a. Average of English understanding yes
b. Knows how to use Notepad, Internet Explorer 6, ICQ, most toasters.
c. Team player.
d. Team killer.
9. The following must be read and preferably spoken out loud in front of several of your peers. Just do it.a. Reading this sentence constitutes agreement and approval of this application.
b. The above statement was a binding contract.
c. My lawyers are leased from the RIAA.
d. So it's agreed, I'll start Monday.
*"All" is the name of my Rottweiler.
**This is a an attempt at a joke on the utter futility of such a suggestion, as well as a naive and comically depressing slightly serious/desperate benign wish. It should be taken with a grain of salt. A very important grain of salt that you would die without if you didn't take it seriously.
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