[1andonly]

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk!"

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT Police in Radnor, PA, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed. NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid!"

[Zoraja]

lolol thats great

[CrazyCanuck007]

that #6 one resulted in a multi-million dollar law suit against the company that made the motor home.
he contended that since there was no warning about not leaving the drivers seat when on cruise control they were responsible for his accident. he won.

to all those people all those things happened to,
PLEASE DON'T REPRODUCE!!!

[RUEZ]

CrazyCanuck007 wrote:

that #6 one resulted in a multi-million dollar law suit against the company that made the motor home.
he contended that since there was no warning about not leaving the drivers seat when on cruise control they were responsible for his accident. he won.

Are you sure about that? Cruise Control

[FireWire]

such species do exist and they will reproduce at speed of light.

I like the half-dozen quote

I have one for ya.
There were two soccer teams playing that day. Both teams from the country side met for the first time on the field. The ref asked to both capitains if they wanted to play a 30 minutes game. Then stupidity broke loose. One wanted to play 30 min. and the other wanted a half-hour game.

[figfarmer]

Cleverness does.

[ridenrain]

Years ago we were messing about with black powder cannons and a friend, asking about the black powder said: "Yes, I know it's black powder, but what is it?"

(ok. it's a dull day..)

[Twila]

How about when people call up and ask where the Reception area is at a business? Ever had that happen? We have. I offered to fax a map of the building...

[nicedoggy]

Not exactly a rant, but funny. I was placing groceries on the checkout belt when I accidently dropped a full carton of eggs on the floor, which smashed and made a mess; a few people were grinning, I was embarressed! when I told the cashier about my mishap she asked me"what size were they?"I was confused, I had made this horrible mess and she wanted to know what size they were? After I calmed down she got me a replacement box of large eggs[free] In the background I could hear the clean-up clerk yell " anyone have any salt and pepper"

Oh I do have a rant, CIBC just phoned with a survey of multiple questions about their service, every thing from extreemely excellent to extremely poor. In the end I was just giving any answer That popped into my head. It didn't faze them at all

cheers
nicedoggy

[Arctic_Menace]

Oh my god those people are dumb....

[FireWire]

Heeeeeeeeere your sign!

[Arctic_Menace]

Quote:

he contended that since there was no warning about not leaving the drivers seat when on cruise control they were responsible for his accident. he won.

Now THAT is stupid.

[Alta_redneck]

Does everyone know the trick of starting a car that has a bad starter, by shorting it out. For those who don't, you take your worst screwdriver or anything metal and put it on both terminals of the starter. I say worst screwdriver cause once you do this the arcing kind of welds it to the posts or burns chunks of steel out of it. I worked road construction with this guy who was our gopher on the crew. We had this old tractor that was nothing but a spare if we needed it and it had one of these bad starters. I called him one day on the radio that we needed that tractor, he goes to get it but he didn’t have anything to short the starter out with. He’s a good guy and always came through in a pinch. He looked in the cab and all he could find was a can of ether, yep that’s what he used and he even managed to keep most of his fingers. He was not only a road grunt, he was a small town volunteer fire department fire chief. That night back at camp we all got together and had a good laugh with him and with a combination of pain killers and rum we were able to draw a pair of eye brows on him where his old ones use to be.

[grainfedprairieboy]

So many memorable moments have started with the phrase "watch this"

[Banff]

I once ....ummm , no I always use a lighter to check the water in the battery cells . BANG !!! , it sounded like a shot gun , I rinsed the left eye for about 5 minutes an ambulance showed up but I refused and walked to emerg. because it was only a block away . apparently it was a very dry cell so it was just 100s of little powder holes which would heal in a week . When I arrived home to look at the battery it had exploded mostly into the fender well and the rest blew past my head just brazing it but of course I now know a battery cell explodes quicker than one can blink and I still use a lighter to check the cells . okay you can bash away now but I survived ya it's a true story