[Gangrenous]

Maybe I should say this.... I know exactly what everyone here is saying, believe it or not. Well except for you Absolut. And I'm speechless about that, but thats another thread. I don't want to say I've done it all, because I haven't, but I've done this, and I've been quite happily married for almost a year now. Some of you may remember what I went through. Although its not the exact same situation, I do know what its like to just drop everything and go and hook up with someone else. I applaude veg for what he's doing. I think it takes alot of guts, I hope he's right like I was, and I wish him the best of luck....

[Nuki]

vegwards wrote:

I also will not give up on my kids. This change can't happen unless I am able to maintain constant physical contact with my kids. My BC lady knows this and encourages this thinking.

First of all, I wanted to say good luck in finding happiness. I hope we all find it.

I wondered about this though...does this mean your BC-lady is going to move to Ontario so that you won't lose physical contact with your kids? Doesn't that mean HER kids lose that contact with THEIR father?

What are the ages of the kids involved here?

I hope you get it all worked out, I truly do.

[Captain_Morgan]

vegwards,

I understand where you are coming from when you mention you believe you have found your soulmate- online. I think that you have a better chance of truly knowing a person online (assuming they are being truthful with you) then you do getting to know a person in person (because while they also may be truthful, several topics of importance will be skipped due to them being uncomfortable discussing things face to face). Now, I meet people all the time in the city where I live, but on the internet you not only get a much larger cross-section of people to meet, but again you have the initial wall of anonymity that seems to tear down the apprehension people would normally feel about discussing private and important matters.

It doesn't matter the medium used to meet someone- if you feel it, don't let it go due to being 'practical' or convincing yourself that the rest of life's responsibilites will prohibit you. Learn to adjust the responsibilities as you go.

Now, as this is the RnR section, allow me.

<begin rant>
I just divorced probably one of the biggest cunts to ever slither across the fucking dirt of this earth. If a meteor came busting down on her fat head it couldn't enter the atmosphere fast enough to suit me. I knew her in person long before I started dating her, and I believed all of her lies. I discovered things about her after the wedding that I just didn't see beforehand. I was stuck with this nasty dreg for 3 of the longest ball-breaking years of my life, and she is the flesh-eating disease that keeps on giving. I am civil to her as I have one daughter with her and I remain friendly and emote a strained smile while exchanging my child. I knew that if this greasy slug didn't eventually kill me in my sleep, I would have done it for her at the dinner table just for the sweet escape. So, I just wanted to let you know that I have been through the nastiest of the nasties when it comes to divorces, child support, visitation, losing every god damn thing you own, and living penniless as a result. God I'm glad I did it. <end rant>

So now let's fast forward. Of the hundreds of girls I met in person, and the literally hundreds more I've met online, one girl stood out above the rest. She is wonderful. She is my breath of fresh air, and considering everything I've had to deal with in the past with regards to dating, I can't let this one go. I met her online. I live in the United States, and she lives in Canada. We are a thousand miles apart, and both have children of our own. I don't know what to do about the child situation right now, I don't know what to do about the distance, I don't know what to do about the future, but what I do know is what it is like to have her in my arms, to kiss her, to be with her, and I am not about to let it go because it's impractical or because of hindering responsibilities. I created the responsibilities I have to deal with, so that means I can shape them to work with my situation whatever it is. You can't help who you like, and don't owe anybody an explanation.

All one needs is a fulfilled heart and the rest of life will fall into place.

Besides, you should probably be ditching the wife anyway if you are unhappy. It's not good for the kids depending on how bad your situation is. Regardless of if you have someone in waiting or not, the resulting visitation will be the same. Take it one day at a time, and don't lose your bond with your soulmate.

Captain_Morgan

[Budderfly]

Be honest with yourself and those around you.

Otherwise you're adding sugar to your gas tank.

[Roadrunner]

maybe truthful is good,if you aren't happy,then she can't be either,make that work for both of you,she doesn't know you have a mystery friend,so,just come to an agreement,and stay together for the kids,and support them,
let her check out the world,and you do the same,and split 50/50 when the kids are old enough to deal with it,,it worked for me,,the honesty thing,,,............and if that fails,find a good job in BC,and come home one nite and say we're moving,and she'll say F.U.! and you just say OK? C'Ya' !

[Feuermann]

Do what you have to do man. Life is short enough as it is.

[-Mario-]

Budderfly wrote:

Be honest with yourself and those around you.

Otherwise you're adding sugar to your gas tank.

I'll have to remember that one...

-M-

[neverdiplomatic]

I really hope you're not planning on trying to take your children away from their mother simply because you can't keep the committment you made to your wife. Because that would be sleazy, slimy, and wrong. Not loving your wife anymore (and vice versa) is not something you can control. Your children should not grow up in a house where the parents are together only for the kids. They deserve to have two happy parents. Whether the parents are together is not the key here. Happy is the key. But please don't sacrifice their happiness (and your wife's) by taking them away from Mom.
If it's over, it's over. I'm glad you've found someone to love who loves you in return.

[twiztidklown]

Ok, I am going to put in my 2 cents.

If you are unhappy with your wife, leave her. You don't want to spend your entire life wondering "what if.." about this BC lady..,. it will inevitably make you miserble. Sure your children maynot at first be happy with your decision but they will evenatually be happy that you are happy. (as I have learned in my own life.. my dads getting married.. i wasn't happy, but i am glad he is finally happy with who he is with). Unfortantly, I don't think there is ways to get around the court hearings about your children.

Personally I think you should go for the bc woman...

That is why I moved to Colorado. I finally felt what love is for the first time in my life, and i didn't wanna give that up for anything. It's hard, the legel process and everything i've put myself thru.. but it was worth it, i'm finally truely happy. Even if it is in a country I don't like.

If she's worth it to put your marriage and children thru this.. then i say go for it. Don't spend your life trying to make others happy while your downright misberable, make yourself happy. thats what it all comes down to in the end..

[vegwards]

Holy shit, I really didn't think this thread would carry on so long! I haven't been on this site for many months and am astonished to see the number of responses! Once again, thank you all, the positive and negative.

I guess I should update everyone now. My BC lady has left her husband and is divorcing him.....he drinks and began threatening her.

My wife and I have gone through some major confrontations and truth exchanges, although I still have not told her about my affair. I have not seen my BC lady since last October and have spoken to her only sporatically.

That hurts, but we both recognize that the distance and the particular circumstances surrounding our initial attraction are influencing factors. We were both looking for each other, without knowing it. She has told me that she does not want to jump into any relationship right now and when she's ready it must be for the right reasons. I agree.

Also, my wife and I are actually happy together again. Maybe our relationship needed me to experience that potential risk of loss..? I don't know.

So much has changed in the past 8 months...I will always love my BC lady, and have told her so, but it is over.

Thanks to everyone and I wish you all happiness.

[Narissa]

You should at least respect your wife enough to tell her how you feel and what you did. ESPECIALLY if you were intimate with this other woman.