[vegwards]

Aw Shit.... Been married 18 years...last few not very good and realised we never shoulda done it. Got hitched for all the wrong reasons and it hasn't been working. Damned if I didn't go looking and found my soul mate! I mean it folks. This is THE one I was meant to be with. Her marriage is no good either.

Problem 1: I'm married with 3 kids. Problem 2: She's married with 2 kids. Problem 3: I live in Ontario and she lives in BC! Holy christ.....what a situation. Yes, yes, yes we've met and spent time together. We are both very much in love with each other. I don't love my wife any more and was never 'in love' with her. My situation will not allow me to leave that relationship for at least another year or two. My new lady is fine with that, she has her own shit to deal with. I JUST NEED TO RANT!!! It's my life and I'll rant if I want to....FUCK!

Anyhow, life sucks and then it throws you a curve full of hope and promise that shows just how much more it can suck!

[RoyalHighlander]

All I can say is... You've waited 28 years??? Well One ,more year wont kill you.. tough it out and go for the gusto then.. Good luck to you also

[polemarch1]

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do man. Good Luck

[vegwards]

Hey...thanks for responding! Wasn't sure what I'd hear. BTW Royal...I said 18 years married but you must be very perceptive, 'cause we have been together for 27! Anyhow, I appreciate your input and I know I've been crazy to stay in my current situation so long, but you can become 'comfortably uncomfortable' sometimes.

Wishing you well and trusting my instincts....

[BadAssBookie]

You better be sure this just isn't some type of mid-life crisis. Stats (for what they're worth) indicate that children grwoing up in divorced homes suffer far more mental problems and in general have worse lives. Then there are all the court proceedings, fights over money and property. Everyoen knows the alimony settlements are rarely fair to the men, and the same for custody.

You also have to remember that this isn't something that you can un-do or take back. You need to think seriously about it. If at the end of the day you decide that you absolutely need to be with this woman I would suggest a "gradual drifting away" and separation to outright divorce but perhaps I am not the best person for this type of advice.

Good luck either way.

[RMachucaA]

Yeah.. well i have been married for 4 years... and she left me last motnh and is already dating a new guy.... this sucks so freaking bad man.... my advice is suck it up and do what you really want to do... life is a bitch.

[Goaler27]

Damn, I hear you, these wonderfull good looking women, make married life hard. I tell you they are all the devil.

[Twila]

Love and lust start with letter L and both are 4 letter words.................


just my 2 cents, and doesn't really mean much however..... You may simply be changing in 1 bad situation for another (possibly bad situation). They say you never really know somebody until you've lived with them. When distance is involved the "best foot forward" is easy to maintain.

Unfortunatley, I believe that your life is no longer your own when you have kids. They must come first. Your happiness comes second. It's the choice you made when you had them.

[vegwards]

Wellll....many opinions and lots o' input. This is not some mid-life crisis thing. I know that beyond any doubt. If it was just that, I'd be dickin' around in Ontario...lots! I've already done all the research regarding alimony, child support etc. The gov't even has a site where you can go and calculate what you'll have to pay based on your earnings, your spouse's income, the number of kids and their ages. PHEW! I know what I'm getting into, and out of.

Yes, your life changes (some would say it even ends) when you have kids. But kids are extremely adaptable to this type of thing...I know 'cause I went through it. My parents' divorce was the worst kind...dragged on and on in hideous court battles....but my parents hated each other. I'm not in that boat. Our final separation will not be like that. I also will not give up on my kids. This change can't happen unless I am able to maintain constant physical contact with my kids. My BC lady knows this and encourages this thinking.

My happiness does matter though. I cannot be the best parent to my kids if I'm unhappy. Trust me, I've been living this for a helluva long time.

Thanks to everyone for taking an interest in my predicament and offering their own particular viewpoints. I really do appreciate it! Oh yeah, no woman is evil or the devil, it is only a misperception men have of someone that's unattainable. That in itself is also a misperception. You can have any woman you want if you go about it the right way. Trust me.

Thanks again!

[Regina]

How the heck were you able to get this going from a couple of thousand miles away? Pretty hard to really know a person from that distance isn't it? I'm not judging by any means, I'm just curious.

[vegwards]

Regina, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? Long story, but we met on the Web. Quickly led to the telephone, daily email and talks and we met in person just this month. I know it sounds bizarre, but when you meet the right person it is just so obvious. From the very beginning we've been right inside each others head. Everything I think, she thinks simultaneously. Everything I say, she was about to or vice versa. Everything I want out of life is the same for her.

I don't know how to explain it all properly but we are soul mates. It's said that everyone has a perfect other half out there and that's what we are to each other. Yeah, it's also said that you don't really know someone till you live with them, but in this case I totally disagree. Mind you, I wouldn't have said that 6 months ago.

The really good thing is that we are both mature enough to realise that the distance and our individual situations may not allow this relationship to go any further.

Anyhow, one day at a time and takin baby steps.

[ABSOLUT_SS]

...not much help here, Veg, but here's my two cents: My EX-wife didn't like me fucking her friends. Why'd she call 'em friends in the first place? Funny creatures! And before some fem-nazi shoots off at the lip, look at your own shit-hole relationship, bitch. I know so many (countless over the years) dudes who fuck-around every chance they get, but lie about it. I don't! The best sex I EVER had was with someone I loved, but I've had lots I didn't "love". Got into a situation once where I fucked around on her & I was about to be caught (busted) by a friend of mine who was there when it happened. We had a falling-out (serious). I thought he was going to make sure she found out, directly or in-directly, to fuck-me-up. Well, I confessed to her, before he got the chance to fuck me up. I'll never forget the hurt in her eyes! I swore to myself I'd never do it again. I work with guys from all over Canada/USA, they can afford the top-shelf hookers, they are away from home, you know,..now, I'm forty, not cute, miserable, and in the process of getting dumped for good by the same woman I was faithfull to fo ten years. I say ya only got one life, live it...

[cmclove]

As a woman, you're a dick.

Drive through.......

[Gangrenous]

My dad used to tell me "women are like buses, son. There's another one along every 20 minutes"

Not that it really helps you any, but I just thought I would share

[Hottie]

This may sound cheesie but follow your heart. Marriage should be about love. If you're not in love with your wife than you're only cheating both she and yourself out of true happiness. Everyone deserves to be with the one they love. If you are really in love with this other woman than nothing should be able to stand in the way of the two of you. Go for it.